A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, Ok so I would love some guys points of views here as I have NO idea what to think.Ive been in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy for about 2 years now, its been great really, we are great friends and its not all just physical, I mean we can go out for a drink and stuff as well and have mutual interests and stuff we had a great friends with benefits relationship but that was all it was and all it was ever going to be. I did have feelings for this guy at the start of it all but they sort of melted away as I knew he didnt have those feelings for me and that it was just silly. So after that we have just been amazing friends. I told him a few months ago that somebody else asked me out and that I was concedering saying yes to him. I sort of sprang up on him last time I saw him (we just went out for a drink) that I was acutually going out with the other guy as of a few hours before I meet him, and that because of that relationship that we couldnt be FWB anymore but I wanted to keep up the friendship we had, he was totally fine, he seamed fine anyway, saying that he was used to his FWBs doing this to him and that he was a ''gateway'' I told him that I felt really bad for him and that he deserves a great girl, which he totally does, he again seamed fine and happy and wanted to meet up again as friends, only know he hasent gotten hold of me at all, and the way he said that he was a ''gateway'' and made fun of me for getting a boyfriend and stuff is making me feel really bad, I feel a bit like I used him and trampled all over him by just ''dumping'' him for my new bf, He knew I didnt have feelings like that for him, and I thought I knew he didnt for me but what do you guys think is happening? Have I miss-read his feelings for me or is it just that now we havent got anythign physical going on that he just cant be bothered to keep the friendshio up. or is it just me overthinking things? AM i a complete and utter bitch who has used and then dumped my fwbs? HELP GUYS! i dont know how to read this :S
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (22 August 2013):
 It sounds more like he has a bruised ego. He'll get over it.
It's his responsibility if he keeps allowing himself to be a "gateway" and get in to one FWB thing after another. It's not your responsibility. You were honest and open.
Hope it goes well with the new boyfriend - might be best to concentrate on that guy rather than your ex-FWB. All the best.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 August 2013):
 A FWB is very simple - friends who have sex who dont have romantic feelings for each other. So you have done absolutely nothing wrong here, you were having no strings attached sex with a friend, and now a nice guy who you have real feelings for has come along you have put an end to the FWB out of respect for the new boyfriend.
If your friend doesnt want to be a 'gateway' anymore, or does have feelings for his FWB's, then he needs to tell them! He shouldnt agree to a FWB if he has feelings for the girl, that is just downright stupid.
Its hard to say if he has feelings for you or not, but its pretty safe to say when a guy really likes you he will make it known and do all he can to show you, so the fact this went on for 2 years and you've never felt like he liked you more than a friend shows that he wasnt ever 'that' interested. Perhaps he's just a bit hurt you've moved on, not because he likes you but more because he's left on his own again.
It sounds like he's got some issues of his own to deal with, if he keeps going from FWB to the next FWB then he must be scared of commitment, scared of getting close to a girl, scared of opening up and showing his feelings.
None of that is your problem, you have done the right thing in this situation and shouldnt worry about your emotionally unavailable FWB. He has his own problems that he needs to work on, perhaps this might be the kick up the butt he needs to sort himself out and stop having meaningless sex for the rest of his life.
Focus on your new boyfriend and enjoy it, you have done everything right in this situation and shouldnt feel bad.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 you're not a bitch at all. i'm sure this guy is fine. you said yourself that you had feelings for him at first but those feelings weren't returned, so you let it go. not your fault. you did nothing wrong. i'm sure everything will be alright. he doesn't really sound too upset, based on what you said.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 If you didn't lead him on then you didn't do anything wrong. I think it's generally understood that a FWB situation has to end if one person gets in a relationship. And it's not like you don't want to see him again, you didn't cut him out of your life because you've found something better and now you don't need him, like some women would have done. So don't beat yourself up.But you can't expect him to be happy about it. Maybe he had feelings for you. Maybe he's just bummed about losing something good. Either way it's understandable he's not happy. This is one of the dangers of a FWB relationship. But as long as he knew it was just a FWB situation and you weren't in an actual relationship then he should accept it.If I were you I'd drop him a line and see if he wants to get together. You never know, it may be the reason he hasn't contacted you is because he assumes you will have no further use for him. So let him know that's not the case.
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