A
male
age
41-50,
*uy4u
writes:I fantasise about being with men all the time, more than women. I also fantasise about being a woman satisfying men but when it comes to doing it for real the thought repulses me. Is this normal, am i gay? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, scramble  +, writes (21 December 2010):
I am a girl who has always fantasised about girl on girl sex since i was 13. Ive kissed a few girls, some experiences were pleasant and some did nothing for me, but the actual physical reality of having sex with a woman repulses me. I have also considered having a relationship with a woman but i would really miss whatever dimension it is men bring in this type of partnership. Some men ive had sex with, it has been incredibly boring and the only way i could get off was by thinking about kinky sex with a girl. However, after a few years, one guy(very masculine), my body reacted to him really well just by looking at him with no mental picture involved...bizarre. My latest boyfriend enjoyed back door (on him) so we bought a toy and used it on him..which both realy turned us on. Nowadays to confuse matters further....sure i can warm up and have great sex with a man without fantasising about anyone else...better than ever before..i think your body responds differently to stimuli (physical and mental) with time, but my fall back to getting myself in the mood or getting off quickly is now..gay sex (men with men). I also fantasise about being a man and having sex with another man..i look very feminine but have always been into more 'boy' things. Without trying to explain or excuse any of my sexual tendancies, these are the feelings and sexual drives i have had. I would be more likely to be a gay man than a lesbian..bottom line...and sexually..probably more happy to be a gayman than a lesbian. Do i believe i was born in the wrong body? Absolutely not as i am very comfortable in my skin and anatomy, although i enjoy the male role also. So, to answer the question, from my point of view only, if imagining the reality of the fantasy really turns you off...its possibly just the kinky aspect of the fantasy that turns you on...a great case in point..one of my early fantasies was being paid for sex by an older, overweight, unatractive woman..and believe me..the reality of that...well...sorry but you couldnt pay me enuf! So please dont worry, your feelings and fantasies may change over time as my did. Finally, i am still looking for that great guy because that is waht i want..emotionally and sexually...and it would be bonus if we could share our mutual fantasies and act them out in the privacy of our bedroom. But i do not feel the urge to turn any of them, into a reality involving other people.
A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (8 December 2007):
 I think your bottling up your true desires. Don't listen to Heartly, Obviously an relgious nut who believes all gay people have daddies problems!
Your either gay or bisexual, your maybe repulsed by the actual thought of doing it for real because you were brought up too think it was wrong, that you had to get a wife and have children, bla bla. I tell you now, if you are gay then these feelings will NEVER go away, it's who you are and you can't change that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): Yeah. You might be gay. And the reason you find it repulsive might be because of the social shame that you associate to it.
Look I think the best thing that you can do is to TRY it. You don't have to tell a SOUL. Nobody will know. Just act out your fantasy. Just once. Don't feel repulsed. Just try it. BUT!! Be safe. But do it just once. Nobody is going to judge you. I promise. And nobody has to know.
If you fantasize about it, its because your body and soul is telling you something. Don't worry about what people think right now. Gosh if you knew how common this is maybe you would feel more comfortable. But it is COMMON.
In any case, act out your fantasy just once. And see how you feel. And maybe then you will know. And good luck to you. And BE SAFE!!!
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A
female
reader, citris +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Fantasies are called that for a reason. Because they are not taking place in reality. Most people have fantasies that they never act on, or even wish to happen. It's perfectly normal. Also I would like to say that it has been scientifically studied for many reasons and the theory that "Being gay is a choice" is a religious falacy. If anyone had a choice I highly doubt they would choose to be ridiculed, demeaned and dehumanized by the religious right and homophobics everywhere. I didn't choose be be bisexual, but I do choose not to act upon my attraction to the same sex out of respect for my father and his family who are extremely religious and find it horific that I would find another female appropriate as a life partner. Seeing as how I am attracted to men as well I find it easier to simply do as society would dictate as "being normal" and date men. THAT is a choice. Fantasies are dreams and everyone has them, they play out in our heads for various reasons. The thought of knowing how it would feel physically when involved in a sex act to be the opposite gender is plain curiosity. Now if the actual actions and idea of acting upon these fantasies repulses you, I would say enjoy your fantasies where they are, in your head, and do your best to have a happy and healthy sex life without acting them out.
Best regards and wishes!
Citris
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (7 December 2007):
 Hi - I don't know if this means you are gay. Fantasies are a stimulating scenario played out perfectly. They are not real. But they are normal. You might have fantasised of getting revenge on some people by blowing them all out in a crazy killing spree. Or fantasised about getting some easy criminal money. Maybe fantasised about winning the lottery. Can you see that there is a distinct break between fantasy and reality.
So I don't know whether you are gay or not, but there is no rush is there? You are what you are at that point in time. If that is different in a year's time then I guess you won't be repulsed by it and it won't be a problem.
Take care
Richard
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A
female
reader, Heartly +, writes (7 December 2007):
 Hey ! being Gay is a choice , you are not born gay or all the sudden become gay ! You can be having these thoughts for many deferent reasons ...have you ever been sexly abused ? Do you have or have had a male role model in your life ? basicaly there are alot of under lyning reason that you could be feeling this way . If you have never had an active father in your life , this could just be mixed or confused signals that you need or have never bonded with a father figure ! All I can tell you , without knowing any of these answers , is to just do some deep soul searching and see if there is anything you can think of that maybe causing these feelings.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): The are you gay question is one that only you can answer but I can give you a little starting ground...are you fantasizing about the male aspect of a sexual relationship, like the size or the build, the genitalia or just being "taken control of"...because i know a few lesbian women that absolutely love penises and being dominated in bed, but the rest of the male persona is what repulses them...maybe you are attracted to men sexually and women on an emotional level...and for women(and men) the emotional aspect is a huge part...just think of all the things that turn you on about men and the things that turn you off, and weigh them out...and maybe try dating a woman or just talking to some lesbian women...sorry i couldnt be of more help...
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