A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok, i'm in a really tricky situation. i fancy this man, and he fancies me too, but the problem is he is married, and he is also a close friend of my uncle and knows some of my other family members. He got upset and in a mood last week on the day i was supposed to meet up with him and my uncle but i didnt. i know this because i saw his facebook page. i ended up finding out tonight that it was because of me that he was upset and in a mood, because i didnt go out. i know he is also having some problems with his family. i went out with him and my uncle today, but my uncle left me on my own with him after a while, probably because he was drunk and he wanted to go home, but i wanted to stay out longer. while he was gone, this man tried to kiss me but i stopped him and mentioned his wife and kids. i was very tempted to kiss him, but its complicated because i am single but he isnt. he has also sent me a friend request on facebook, but i'm not sure whether to accept it or not, and he wrote a status on his page saying he enjoyed it with me today, and he said it was a sahme when my uncle left, but he enjoyed it when my uncle was gone. its strange that he would put that because hi wife is on his friends list too. i'm not sure what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I don't think what you might do to his marriage makes any difference in what you should do. If he sleeps with you, HE is the one cheating, not you. I also think that if this woman is married to such a figure, she is better off without him. If he wouldn't cheat with you, he would do it with somebody else.
What you might consider though, is what this situation will do to you. It is well know that in most cases, husbands don't leave their wives for their mistresses. You might spend years being 'the other woman', which would prevent your being happy and will probably make you miserable many many times.
My advice is this: if you're not that much in love with him yet, don't make yourself in love with him. Leave it be for your own sake, and maybe find someone else when you're ready. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): and you know what, maybe i feel that i deserve to be treated that way. getting hurt that is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): ok, first of all, who said i was going for it ? didnt you read the part where i said i stopped him from kissing me ?. ok i am unsure, but that doesnt mean i'm definately going to go for it. and caringguy, i just saw another thread where you were much kinder to someone who was a mistress to a married man, and yet it's the same kind of situation. even when you are married, its possible to be attracted to other people, and its not a sin, its nature. its also not unusual to want to be physical with someone you're attracted too. and you might say you can stop anything from happening, but it can be really difficult.i do want to try, but at the moment it's hard.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): I didn't know or believe in a lot of things in my life. But I took the time and LEARNED about what I didn't know. It's quite alright if you want to make excuses for yourself and defend this situation and go for it. It seems like you are extremely set in your ways and your beliefs, a state of mind that is no doubt going to cause you many problems down the road. Nothing more exciting and noble than a person who is open-minded and open to other possibilities and ideas regardless of what that person has been through. We have ALL been trough sh*t. Never a good enough excuse. And especially nothing like a person who no matter what they believe, is nonetheless respectful and understanding that OTHERS might not share your views. So while you see nothing wrong with this, his wife might feel differently.
But obviously that doesn't seem to phase you, it seems like you are closed off to anything but what you believe. Huge problem. But like I said your actions have repurcussions. I guess you are just going to have to learn the hard way. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): Drop it before it gets more complicated and painful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): i guess part of it is that i dont believe in marriage. my parents got divorced, and my dad has been married three times now. it was a very difficult time when they got divorced, even though i was 18 at the time. plus i've never been married and dont have children, so i dont know what it is like. and i guess i dont believe in it because, personally, i cant see myself being with just one person for the rest of my life. there are so many people in the world and life is short.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 July 2010):
No he doesn't fancy you. Putting it bluntly, he just wants you on your back, to have his fun, then to leave you whilst you sit there crying wondering why he doesn't love you. He's MARRIED, and you're on the verge of being a homewrecker and a woman who no one will want to care about or trust. Wake up. He's married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): It sounds like you know absolutely nothing about the guy or about his intentions because you don't even know why he writes stuff on his fb or what he means or what is his status with his wife is that she doesn't seem to mind or notice these advances. So you know nothing about the guy except that he wants to get into your pants. All I can say is that you are playing with fire...not only that but the karma involved in such a betrayal is going to bite you in the ass way bigger than I imagine you can even fathom. You should listen to this. I had dated a cheater/abuser a while back. The whole time he was with me he had been talking to this chick behind my back, a "saintly" little girl who went to church and worshipped Jesus but somehow knew about me and how wrong a betrayal it was for her to associate with my boyfriend behind my back yet didn't seem to care or stop her. It was very interesting. Little did she know that even though I did feel betrayed and was hurt, among other things, I was actually, unbeknownst to anybody desperately trying to get out of the relationship. The guy was a complete psycho and was ruining my life. I finally got away from him (wasn't easy, he was extremely crazy), I basically tiptoed out of the relationship and pretty much lived very quietly for a little while so he wouldn't notice me or find me...scary stuff. And as I walked out of the picture, she of course officially walked into it and got my "man." Its amazing how powerful karma is. I cannot even imagine how miserable this woman must be. Since he has been with her he has countlessly dumped her, humiliated her, deleted her, defamed her, denied her, cheated on her, dumped her to date someone else and then on a whim come back to her, abused her, talk mad sh*t about her, basically treat her like a worthless piece of nothing and who knows what other unspeakable things he has done to her...I mean the guy is whack. I knew from the start what she was getting into because, hello, it was the nightmare I was trying to get out of. As mean as it sounds, I can't say I feel all that bad for her. She knew very very well that he was dating me. Regardless of what problems I was having she had no right to impose on another woman's relationship. Perhaps it made her feel like a big shot to "steal" my bf. I can honestly say that is her karma though. And having lived through it myself, I can only imagine the absolute horror and pain this woman must have endured so far. But I believe that when you don't play your cards right, God does indeed punish people. This is a classis case of someone who didn't get what she wanted, but got what she needed. A humbling experience I am sure.Don't play with fire and don't do unto others what you don't want to be done to you. Plain and simple.
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A
female
reader, maxxie  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 why do women go after married men? i know why. you are attracted to the fact that this man can commit but you are blind to the fact that if he can cheat on his wife he is not someone to trust.
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