A
female
age
41-50,
*gl74
writes:Hi I am a woman of 33 who works in a bar part-time. I have been divorced after an 8 year marriage for a few months now. My ex-husband turned out to be gay. So these past few months have been about re-discovering myself. I am ready for a relationship but have found myself liking an older guy I do not really know who comes into the bar. He has a lovely personality. I don't really know a great deal about him. What should I do? Is it wrong to fancy someone probably 20 years older? I have started to write him a letter to explain my feelings is this right? Please help me, I can't stop thinking about him and think I will regret not saying or doing something.
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female
reader, Sam23 +, writes (5 February 2007):
Hi there,
It sounds like you feel ready for a new relationship, perhaps with this older man. Sometimes, finding out a partner is gay can lead to feelings of uncertainty - could it be that you want a man who is almost like a father figure? This might make some people feel more secure.
You say that you have written a letter explaining your feelings, suggesting that you are feeling emotional at the moment and would like some transparency, which this man may or may not be able to offer.
Obviously, there is no harm in getting to know this man, if that is what you would like. Of course it makes sense not to get too emotionally attatched to someone who you do not yet fully know. As for the age difference, it is entirely up to you whether that is a problem or not. Nobody can give you an answer that would fully appreciate everything that you feel, remember and want.
If it does not work out then don't be too disheartened, there will always be new people to meet. But, equally there is always a chance that you may develop a meaningful relationship.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (5 February 2007):
 At your age it's totally okay to fancy someone older. I read the title of this post and assumed it'd be a teen in love with a thirty something but you're both mature adults so why not give each other a chance?
CD
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A
female
reader, depaiva  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Love has nothing to do with age, there are many other factors that that play a role in love such as mutual interests and similar backgrounds.I am very proud that you took a few months to rediscover yourself and didn't just rush into another relationship after your divorce. It's hard to face yourself and come to terms with what happened with your ex husband. You sound like a strong women with a lot of confidence and the last thing you should worry about is age...I don't think a letter is a good idea-you might scare him away. Since you work at a bar and he goes there ask him if he wants to join you for a drink when your shift is done. Get to know him better in an environment you comfortable in-your work place.It's amazing to feel what you're feeling right now-so don't miss out on a chance for love (it's so rare to find love). Without trying you'll never know what could happen.But as always be careful there's also nut cases out there.Good luck and don't be scared to take a chance-even if he rejects you, the point is that you tried.
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