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female
,
anonymous
writes: I went out for a drink with my partner and his mate the other evening (we were expecting his other half down the pub later).I assume that the mate feels so relaxed with me he can talk about anything. We were talking about chocolate (because I deal with a chocolate firm and take peoples orders) and I mentioned to him about the conversation I had had before christmas with him about chocolate. He commented 'you mean body paint', this lost me completely (I realised 24 hours later he was on about my chat with him a good year ago about being smothered in chocolate etc), I then said I didn't like body paint as such I preferred melted chocolate, he then went on about squirty cream which I said I liked. After this I said to him that I used to be a rep for Ann Summers, he asked me what was the most risque thing I had sold, he said his ex wife had been a rep too but that his current partner wasn't into all that stuff. We then went on to talking about vibes. He was talking about a male fantasy of his (I didn't make any comment) and then he asked if I had used any vibes and I said yes I had, he mentioned about one he had seen on a soft porn tv and then he said that his partner preferred eating chocolate rather than experimenting. I also mentioned about him liking contorionists and he said yes I wouldn't mind having a go with one, I cringed and he said well you are seeing it from the cringy side and I am seeing it from the flexible side. I then said well why don't you go for it and he said 'I'm in a relationship'. My partner was around for this entire conversation and was happy to chat about things.We see this guy on and off down the pub, he was quite casual talking like this, I was happy talking about this but was this really a sensible thing to talk about or could it come across flirty and innuendo. Only one thing did strike me as strange was that a few times he kept asking me to lean over the table to talk in his ear what I was saying because he found it quite noisy in the pub yet didn't seem to have a problem with hearing my partner (mind you I do talk quietly sometimes especially if it is a sensitive issue). I don't get that much embarassed by this sort of talk but was this really a sensible type of conversation to have between us both.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Was this an appropriate conversation? Well, no. No and yes. It seems like it was a little risqué, and there was some DEFINITE flirting going on. However, if you didn't take it the wrong way and neither did he, I don't think anything bad will come of it.
If he didn't make a move, or try to touch you, I think it was a little more innocent flirting... raunchy innocent flirting, yes. But innocent none-the-less. If nothing came out of it, well... it was raunchy, but it didn't mean anything. Your partner was there as a buffer - he probably felt more comfortable talking about things since his friend was around.
If this guy does make a move on you, then the line is crossed and you need to tell him to keep things professional - or that you're not interested or whatever. It sounds to me like he is just unusually open and chatty.
xxIndia
A
female
reader, JulietteElise +, writes (5 February 2007):
 hmmm. How about asking your partner what he thinks? I know you might be embarreshed to do this, but they will probably be able to give you the best advice on the issue since they were there to witness it all. However, it seems you and this man have talked about sexual things for a long time now, so continued talk over such issues shouldn't be that off puting. His asking you to whisper it in his ear is a bit strange, perhaps if he asks you to do this again just raise your voice first.
It's a bit hard for me to advise you on weither this is all flirtacious or not.... it really depends on how you both go about these conversations. from what you said of you conversations, it seems a bit more like exchanges of knowlege and kinks, not really "i want you now" type induendos... but once again... it depends on how its all done. Since it was all said in front of your partner it's probably safe, if he seemed more concerned about talking to you alone it might be more supicious. Also, if he was asking you more direct questions about your kinks all the time (it seems he just mentions certian things and you voice your opinion on how you feel about it.... very diffrent from him asking you directly) there might be more cause for concern. Once again, ask your partner what they think, since they were there. However, i feel that since you both have talked for a long time about such things (you mention conversations of years ago) and since you both presumably werent dateing and wont be dateing anytime soon, that there is no need to worry overaly. Most of my friends are male and we always talk sexualy and such, and they know its not flirting, because they know i just love talking about such things. Its probably the same way with this guy, because he knows he can talk about such things with you, and its always intresting to hear someone else's veiwpoints, esspically of the opposite gender.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Hi,
when your talking to this guy do you feel like your flirting, if not then there shouldn't be a proble.
Have you asked you partner what he thinks and if he mind you talking like that.
If you feel comfy talking about thing like that then keep it up, i think more girls should be like it. and not so shy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): if its just talk theres no harm in it. people talk sex all the time (yes even most women, when comfortable with themselves).
as long as it stays as just chat theres no harm, altho the getting you to bend over bit is a bit 'letch', sound as tho he was looking down your top.
like i said as long as you n your fella are happy with the situation and it just stays as chat, theres no harm
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