A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi.I have had a girlfriend for a year now, and I absolutely love her. I screwed up when I was in seventh grade and I experimented with another boy. It was the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. Its been bugging me she doesn't know. Should I tell her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, WordsCards +, writes (9 August 2010):
You didn't screw up, you experimented. That's normal for people to do that. You can still be straight now. But if you are bisexual there's nothing wrong with that either. It's not gross. Don't be so hard on yourself.
A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (8 August 2010):
 Before revealing this information to your girlfriend you should ask you self this: "What purpose would it serve for me to tell her?"
That you are over-reacting to Quiet-Echo's very sound and unflagging advice is yet another problem all together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhaha thanks and yeah thats what alot of people say about young relationships. but yeah i did do something wrong and its sick and disgusting! its not okay for guys to play with other guys c***s... thats f***ing grosss!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell no i just dont want her to know ive done stuff with a guy. i dont want her have to know my man has done stuff with another man before. and that she wasnt the first person to touch me and do stuff with me... that it was a man
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): Given your language; second guessing your plan/intent, it appears you have not resolved this matter with yourself. If this issue were completely over with, you wouldn't be here discussing your strategy/theories/angst with us. You'd simply be done with it; comfortable with yourself, no negative feelings, and no fears.
But it seems to me, you are afraid of her reaction. That suggests two things: 1. Either you run a risk of losing someone's now seemingly conditional love, or, 2. You are unfinished in this matter.
What is it about this seventh grade set of gay-esque experiences you're holding onto? Why does fear come to your heart when considering disclosure to your life partner? Is it her? And why? Or is it you? Why?
Real love has no fear. Perhaps you should set this love with her straight, or set yourself straight with your past. When you are completely clear and done with a past anything AND you are in the right love, whatever it is you have to say is cool, and you both just look at each other and say, "Okay, that happened. Let's go on."
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 August 2010):
 You just have to see what happens when you test the water. And it would probably only be bad if you hid it or lied. Does she generally accept gay people and and is she generally open minded?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay, but lets say i decided to tell her in 10 years would that be bad to wait that long
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 August 2010):
So test the waters a little. Ask her how she'd feel about things like that without connecting it to yourself in any way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni never was attracted to him, one day we were going to maturbate normally at a sleep over to some good old porn, and he asked wanna just do it to each other... and it happend like 2 or 3 times with him. i wanna just forget it never happend. i am in the 11th grade right now and i have an extremely goood feeling about mine and her relationship we havent fought once in a little more than a year. and i deeply love her. what if i were to marry her and tell her later on?
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female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 NO!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): It really does depend. If my boyfriend told me had experimented with another male, it would be over between us as I wouldn't be able to handle the fact that he found a man attractive. To be honest it's about what you think she could handle. Every woman is different.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 One of the great things about being in a loving, trusting relationship is being able to talk about things that you haven't told anybody. She doesn't NEED to know this, so don't tell her simply because you feel guilty that she should know... Tell her only if it'll unburden you to be able to talk about it, get it off your chest, laugh about it and move on...
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female
reader, jaylee kristen +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Hmm...that's rough kid but I know how you are feeling I experimented with many girls at a young age and I didn't feel right about it I just wanted to know what it was like to touch another girl. If you honestly love this girl and you feel like you should truely tell her then do so,but as other people have said the past is the past move on its all good I told my fiance that I experimented with girls and he had no problem with it because it was the past and if you tell her then maybe she will understand but if not then she isn't the one for you because she doesn't respect your honesty best wishes hun. *jaylee*
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): If you experimented with anyone, boy or girl, while under agreement with your girlfriend, you really should tell her.
If the experimentation was before your arrangement with your g/f, you have no obligation.
If you both share a great, open, healthy friendship, then it's okay to tell her anything, as in any normal healthy arrangement.
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female
reader, fancypants143 +, writes (6 August 2010):
no there is no reason to tell everything to your girlfriend, she is not your wife, you sound young and it is all part of growing up, i played doctore as a young girl with males and females it was nothing. I am sure you are the only one thaqt is worried about it.
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male
reader, Dez +, writes (6 August 2010):
Experimentation is how we all learn! Of course I will have a different perspective as I am 56+!!! If she cannot understand?Deal with it as she is not the right one for you! ( do not be afraid to show her my answer( I will be more than happy to discuss it with her! I realize that I am OLD! Obviously therefore I will have a different perspective! Do NOT discount the Elders in your "TRIBE", THEY have helped us all become more than cave dwellers! What occurred before you met her is what helped you to be attractive to her!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): You were very young at that time, and it's such a tiny part of your past that I would just let it go in your mind. It doesn't seem like one of those things that has to be put out there, to your girlfriend. I would just leave it in the past and carry on with your life. What if she leaves you regardless, if you tell her or not? Then it would be for nothing anyway..
If you feel she should know though, tell her, because I'm sure she'll feel the same way. It was so long ago that she probably won't think anything of it at all. One thing to remember is that know matter how much you love someone, and you feel you should explain everything from your past, there are usually some skeletons in their closet that they'll never even care to tell you about, even if you try to get it out of them.
If you want to do it in a casual way, just bring it up as a story at a party or while drinking.. in that way, so you downplay it rather than highlight it as something huge. There's nothing wrong with what you did in experimenting, but if you really feel the need to make it known to her, tell her. If you feel it's not necessary, or it has no bearing on your life now, don't tell her.
If she has a problem with it, she most likely never experimented in her teen years with another girl, and so she just wouldn't understand out of lack of experience. With experimenting comes experience.
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female
reader, Dear Fae...xx +, writes (6 August 2010):
You said that this has been playing on your mind, so it is obvious that you want to tell her, you just dont know how to, or how she will react? If i was in the same situation i would want to know if my boyfriend had experimented in anyway, and i would completely understand if he expected the same from me...so the question is, would you want to know if she had experimented? After all it was just once and it is completely natural to experiment, chances are she has had some thoughts on experimenting herself, even if she hasnt physically done anything. I hope this has helped you in some way :)
Fae
xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): As much as I want to say you should tell her because trust is important doing so will most likely make her leave you. The question is can you live with the guilt? If you can bury it deep deep down and never think of it again, take it to your grave.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 August 2010):
Why is that screwing up? It's normal to experiment. I wouldn't keep secrets. Personally I'd admire rather than judge someone for telling me that. Unless you know she has problems with gay people, she probably wouldn't view it as any worse than another partner.
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