A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have just recently split up with my girlfriend.We have had an amazing year and a bit with each other but she has just suddenly told me she wants to split up. I have taken this very hard.Recently my Grandma has passed away and returning on the Saturday I was expecting to be comforted and hugged. Instead I was told she wants to split up. I don't really know why we have split but what I can gather is she doesn't want me to change. Also if we had stayed together we would end up hurting each other.Now I guess I reacted like any other young man would. I was deeply shocked and got very drunk that night. I sent loads of text messages to her saying how much I missed her and if I could get a second chance.In the morning I asked if she wanted to meet up. She agreed and we went for a coffee. This was very awkward and we spent most of our time staring into space saying very little. I found it strange walking by her side without holding her hand.After the coffee we walked each other home.I started to text her again getting a reply every time.The next day I asked to meet her again. She said she was busy and also needed her space.I couldn't handle staying around that area so I came home on the Monday to speak to my Mum.I haven’t text or phoned her since Monday, though I am rather desperate to.I plan to get back to my University tomorrow and prepare myself for the work to start. I also plan to get to the gym and start those yoga classes I always wanted.I most likely have missed loads of information out.I really want this girl back but I don’t want to mess things up.What is my next move?Thankyou
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Your next move is to give her space. They say that for a reason, and it's not to bother them even more. Don't keep sending text messages, and saying I miss you and all the mushy things. I found from experience, you seem rather desperate when you do that, and girls don't want someone who's overly attached to them. A good relationship is where you have your life, she has her life, then you share a life. Doing the gym and stuff you've wanted to do is a good idea. This may take time, even if you're able to reconnect with her, it's not going to be something that happens overnight.
When you had your talk with her, did she mention or give hint to the reason she decided it was over? What was your relationship like? Were you clingy, work too much, focus on her as being your whole world. What do you think happened that caused her to change her mind?
The best piece of advice I can give you now, without the other answers, is this is now not about you. We all know you want to get back with her, and I'm sure she does too, so it's not your feelings that's keeping her away, it's hers. So focus on her feelings, and not your own. What does she want and need, and how would you be the person who can provide her with that, with her knowing she's an independent, yet feels secure at the same time.
A
female
reader, drastic knowledge +, writes (26 September 2007):
 frist i am sorry about your grandmother and second there is no next move with her but in life is to hurt it all out and pick your self up and try again,
she left you and didnt want you to change so there really isnt much you could do but give her space and see what happens from there, she may change her mind and want to give things another try but thats up to you if you what to chance it to see if all works out for you or not
the last thing i can say is that i think she maybe confussed and hurting some where and still cares but is being selfish at the same time.
maybe she just doesnt know how to be there for you at the time of your loss and thought that was the easy way out after everything she may sort things out and get it together but you got to think the worse as the better will just hold you down longer and harder so i wish you the best and this is the best opion i can give you with just thi infortmation
good luck
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