A
female
age
22-25,
*runette14
writes:Hiya!Recently, I have realised that my best friend is a 'Guy Magnet' (sounds really strange I know, but its the only way I could think to describe it!)She is naturally pretty and she's a tomboy so its not hard to guess that is another reason why guys like her! To add to this even more, she is really confident when speaking to boys and she doesn't care what anyone thinks. Complete opposite to me. I'm really self conscious about myself and I get really nervous when talking to guys (which isn't very often!) She is always talking to/about boys but not in a flirty girly way, in a way that you would as if they were friends who were girls. Yet another reason why the guys like her but she doesn't use this to an advantage, she know about it but doesn't date them or flirt with them, she just stays friends with them and I suppose, this is how I want to feel.I guess I could say that I'm jealous of her but I think I also feel like I want to be like her, confident, pretty and a general all round amazing person. I'm not and I know I probably wont be and I'm just stuck on what to do. I feel like I have to hide away from who I really am, so I can fit in and know that people like me. I can see it in her, I know how she acts and thinks and I see that they guys like her for the way she truly is , I'm that close to her. I want to be excepted for me, not a copy of someone else, does that make sense?I don't know what to do about this whole situation. Please can you help ? Thank you :)
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female
reader, Lieutenant +, writes (15 December 2013):
You cannot base your self confidence on how others feel about you, because you will never like yourself or have any real self confidence. There will always be someone who dislikes you no matter how much you try to fit in or make them like you. I don't want to sound like your mother, but the last thing on your mind at this age should be boys liking you. Focus on your school work and try to make the best of the time you have in secondary school. Boys liking you or dislikig you will not make your life better or worse. In a few years you will be applying for sixthforms; there is no requirement that says boys have to like you. If your friend spends all her time socialising without focussing on her school work, she would most likely be stuck in a crappy sixthform and you should know what crappy sixthform = crappy university = crappy degree = crappy employment.
The time for boys will come and it's not now.
A
female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (15 December 2013):
 All I can say is nobody is totally confident. We all at times have insecurities. I was told if you hang around a person you will pick up there ways. Its a issue of you being comfortable in your skin. She may be comfortable in her skin looking in from the outside. Why are just into her are you feeling this way about other friends. One time I met a girl and somebody told me she was envious I was like naw she cool come to find out he was right. Then after dealing with this person bad stuff happened out the blue it was a sign and the lady confessed she didnt care for me or like me and didn't want to help me I was shocked but I found out. I thought she was a friend. The reason I hang and get along with guys mostly is because of this the only issue you have to worry about is them wanting to sleep with you or sleeping with your friends. Men are competitive not really envious and tend to be more team players that trying to copy. Guys want to show off there own natural talent not necessarily copy and produce someone else unless it a great mentor like micheal jordan you know the best. You need to be a team player instead of a envious friend or acting friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): Hi!
Your so young and I totally understand why you have this kind of emotions.
Well, first thing is, work on with your confidence.
The very first thing you need to put inside your head when your talking to guys, is just be yourself.
Don't try too hard for them to like you or to appear like your cool when your not or something else.
If your nervous, take a deep breath. anyway no one knows it, just silently, inhale and exhale.
then just smile. If someone strike a convo and you know about it, just say, oh yeah, that's right, its really nice.
Just say something positive.
Result, people will respond to you in a positive manner too.
I am also like you, I really don't talk that much.
I wont even try to initiate a conversation most times.
Only with my close friends.
But I don't get nervous around other people.
They get nervous around me. LOL hahaha.
anyway, just be comfortable being you, that's the bottom line. Inhale and exhale, silently.
About your friend, forget her, she has her own style, and you have your own. Smart move not to copy hers.
JUST BE YOU.
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