A
female
age
36-40,
*rij
writes:I've been with a guy a bit older than me (15 years) for the past four months. He's the doorman at a social club where I work on the bar. I've really fallen in love with him, but he's a terrible flirt and I've found this hard to cope with. He also won't let me in at all emotionally - coupled with his flirting I find it really hard to trust him. So I ended the relationship two days ago, and he hasn't even tried to get in touch since. The thing is, I'm still really hurt, and I know I will have to see him at work. The only time he's said he loves me is when he's been drinking, so was I right to step away from him? If so, how on earth do I get over him? I keep seeing him out of the corner of my eye, but when I turn around, it's someone else, or no-one at all.
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female
reader, Brij +, writes (7 February 2007):
Brij is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he's gotten in touch now. Says he doesn't want to lose me. I'm pretty confused. IF (and that is just an if!) I do try it again with him, well it'll be on my terms this time!
I also want to point out that we started off as really good mates before we had a relationship. He used to tell me everything just because he wanted to, so I trusted him even if he did flirt. We'll see I guess. If we can find a way back to how it used to be, that's one thing, but I won't settle for anything less!
Thanks for your advice everyone, it's really helped me through a rough patch, and I'll keep you updated.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Yes, I would say you're right to end it with him love, he's not right for you. You sound a nice girl, if not very sensitive and a bit insecure. He'll meet girls ten a penny on the doors of the nightclub and he probably has the gift of the gab if he flirts with them all the time. Not the best base to build a relationship on is it?
The very fact that he hasn't even tried to get in contact with you since tells me he couldn't care less. He got what he wanted off you (IF you did sleep with him) and now it's time to move on to some other poor unsuspecting woman. You're far better off without him, trust me!
Eve
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A
male
reader, Kurt  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 You were right to dump him. Don't start questioning your good sense. Get on with your life and be glad to have only wasted 4 months on that guy.
He never loved you, even drunk. Alcohol makes inhibitions low and many will say things that are not true and regret it later.
This is the type of guy that gives fuel to male bashing jokes, women get blond jokes, guys get jerk jokes. Just don't judge all men by the jerks.
A good rule is to not date where you work. Get active in other social circles and get to know other guys that don't work with you. It might be a good idea to polish your resume up and get it out there to give you some space from this guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): If only there where more women like you! You did the right thing. Especially if it hurts you a partner shouldnt flirt. Dont worry sounds like you'll find a better man.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Some people are natural flirts but in your own words you couldnt trust him which suggests you it wasn't a strong relationship. If you don't have trust you have nothing at all. It'll be hard getting over him, especially as you work together but try to keep smiling. A positive mental attitude will help you cope.
CD
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