A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, wow this is going to be a long story, today I broke up with my ex, my reasons? well I am a very loving, thoughtful, kind, caring person to be with, my faults? I am clingy and needy, I was with my ex from October 2009 till today, we had a couple of breaks due to my needyness, and clingyness. I spent some time with her after Xmas, 6 days to be exact, and just got home today. So what happened? well most of the days were lovely, I mean I am not that bad when it comes to the above, but I take things to personally, today, what happened was we was walking to town, I was going home and she needed to go to the shops to get some bits, she has a 3 year old child who I loved dearly, we was walking down the street and she sighed and said "Ahh my life is so boring", I took this personally and said "Ah thanks".This is my problem, if she says anything I don't like I take it personally, I start thinking she don't love me, she dont want to be with me etc etc, its pathetic, I am not one of these clingy types who wants to hold hands, cuddle all the time, but I do like to feel like I am loved ALL THE TIME.Anyway, we got to town, I had been quiet, still SULKING because she said something I didn't like, she started crying, we said our goodbyes, and this is my next problem, without thinking, I ended things by a text message, but my intentions were good, I did it for her, I had made her cry and seeing her cry made me realize just how much hard work I am, after the train journey home, I got home and thought, what the hell have I just done, she now is not interested, she basically has said that someday she hopes we can be friends, she loves me, just thinks we are not meant to be, now I am left heartbroken and ruined by this, this is all my fault, and not the love of my life has gone, and I don't know what to do.If I do ever meet someone, I am going to be the same, and I just don't know what to do, how can I ever be happy if I am like this???
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male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (6 February 2011):
 First of all, I know this is a website where people offer their own suggestions, but I strongly suggest you check out a book called "Facing Love Addiction, by Pia Mellody".I say that because I have the EXACT same issue with wanting to be loved all the time. It is because you are addicted to the feeling of love. The problem is that your appetite for love can NEVER be satisfied by a human being. So, you spend a good portion of your days feeling unfulfilled.And on the other side of the equation are the Love Avoidant's, who are scared of being smothered, too close, or just intimacy in general.Just know that it is asking too much to have another human being show you love all the time. As the author puts it (and this is the best definition I have ever seen), don't ever expect a human being to be able to give you constant and unconditional positive regard.If you start from there you can already see where you are going wrong!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 You could still get her back but you have to be patient. Call her and apologize and tell her this is what you should have done at that moment. The correct response to her statement "life is boring." is "how come you feel this way? What kind of life do you wish for?" You should just send this page to her because she has no idea what you are thinking. She probably still thinks you are a coward with no heart. Women are more forgiving than you think. Accept for now that this is broken up. The relationship, the insecurity and clingyness has to end, but the new relationship, the confident you, can only start if you try to let go of the past. Right now work on being confident, and more trusting. What role do you want to play in her life? A protector, a knight in a shiny armor, or a needy little boy?
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A
female
reader, Jess0628 +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I understand exactly what you mean, I do the same thing. I'm sulking right now as a matter of fact. Something happened at work and my boyfriend is the manager so i asked him what was going on and he sent me a text saying that he would tell me later but that I have to keep my mouth shut about it. Man, did I get catty BUT, I'm not showing him that. Because as much as I want to believe that he was personally attacking me with his comment, I know deep down it was nothing against me. You just need to take every situation as it comes and think about it before you start sulking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I firmly believe you will NOT find someone who will make you feel loved you all the time. I don't mean that about you personally, I mean that about anyone. It is unreasonable to expect such a thing. It's precisley the people who you love the most who can and will inevitably hurt you (even if they don't intend to). I I'm not advising that you avoid loving anyone, but I do think you need to change your expectations of an intimate relationship.I think you are being dishonest and melodramatic saying you broke up via text "for her". Why are you insisting on playing a martyr? Perhaps you broke up with her, because you were so angry that she could make you feel badly in the first place. Perhaps you are frightened by being influenced by this woman? Likewise, I'm not convinced that this woman was the "love of your life" either. Perhaps you are now insisting that she is and punishing yourself, because she refused to get dramatic and do it for you.You made a mistake, learn and move on. If this is a habit for you or you have issues with intimacy, consider getting some counseling. I have an older brother with similar issued who pulled these stunts with his fiance, he is now in counseling with his wife and is doing a lot better. There is hope.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Loving, thoughtful, kind, caring people, dont make their partners cry and break up with them by text over one silly remark. Unless YOU are her life, which it sounds as if you thought you were, then she wasnt meaning you personally. It will be difficult to be happy unless you can conquer your need for reassurance. Being so hurt by a random remark that you end a relationship is alarming. Many of us feel life is boring sometimes when theres a lull. It doesnt mean we dont want to be with our partners. However you dress it up. Breaking up with her was a knee jerk reaction because your ego was insulted. So you sulked with her and made her cry. Then dumped her via text as punishment. You might have been thinking that she would be devastated and beg you to give things another chance. That would have repaired your damaged ego. But instead youve recieved a farewell! Thats going to hurt because you obviously werent expecting it. She sounds as if she really liked you but you cant blame her if she doesnt want to try again. Its incredibly exhausting continually trying to reassure someone and feed an ego thats impossible to satisfy. Maybe you should try some counselling to get to the bottom of your insecurities before dating again. Once youve learned to understand where your anxieties and insecurities come from and you can control them, it will make a new relationship far more enjoyable for you and your partner.
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A
female
reader, TheDogYrs +, writes (4 January 2011):
Well first off, text msgs are not a goood way to break up with someone. It's too low. But what you have to do is work on your issues. Maybe seek some help. Maybe from someone with more experince or someone who has those issues. You can find help all over the internet. Maybe seek councelling or theropy. I've had clingy issues and I lost the boy. Let this be a learning experience. This should be better for your future relationships. Hope I helped a lil.. :)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 January 2011):
You'll meet someone that will make you feel loved all the time--but you do need to learn how to quit taking everything personally and being overly sensitive; otherwise, no one will ever live up to your standards because they don't making you feel "loved" enough.
Love yourself first and realize what good qualities you have. Someone else can't love you until you love yourself. And quit breaking up with people via text message, it's cowardly and insulting to them.
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A
female
reader, Kit-Kat +, writes (4 January 2011):
I was like you once, I was very needy and i panicked if someone was slightly annoyed at me. I didnt trust anyone because I though they were doing things behind my back, but I changed as I got older. You have a severe lack in confidence and you feel like you need to be re-assured all the time. Tell yourself to stop worrying so much. My advice is to see a shrink, help you deal with your mental problem, or there is probably a website or phoneline you can call
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A
female
reader, bbygirl2011 +, writes (4 January 2011):
Yea..this is deep..Us females can be very emotional at times. But coming from a female, its hard to deal with a "needy" guy because females are needy as well. We are the ones that want to be told good things, spoiled etc. If you two have been dating for that long i doubt it is really over, i mean im sure she still loves u like she said but if its really love maybe in sometime you two can work things out.
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