A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a married man with 2 wonderfull children but I just don't love my wife anymore. For this reason I have has a lover for the past year. That is until recently...I left my wife for my lover briefly, but I missed my kids and couldn't handle being without them so I went back home to my wife and children. My lover was heartbroken and said she couldn't take me back after that.I honestly thought I could talk her round despite this as we have split before and I've always gotton round her somehow.It seems though this time she really is adamant. She has said she can be friends with me but that's as far as it goes, no kisses, no touchy feeling, no 'I love you' or more than 1 'x' on a txt. She has said we can see each other twice a week as appose to the everyday arrangement we had before and there is to be no sex, no loving, just friendship. Just to top it off she wants the weekend to herself, no txting or calling whatsoever.I'm devastated, I really do love her and if it wasn't for my kids I would be in her arms right now.I just found out that she has a date set up for tonight, she says its just a male friend but she's so attractive I just know she will end up back at his place. My question is how can I get her back? I miss her so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): Good for you girl! Trust me, break it off now! It will hurt like hell but it can hurt like hell now or it can hurt like hell later, either way it is going to hurt! Might as well break it off now before you waste anymore time on this married man. He may send you flowers, candy, call you baby, tell you he loves you, makes future plans with you, plans trips with you, talks about moving in with you, goes apartment shopping for you, opens a separate bank account, etc. All these things my MM did, by the way. A lot of people will tell you he lied to you, some of them do, but some of them get caught up in the moment, like you do. They aren't just lying to you, they are lying to themselves. They are living the fantasy, as you are, and you are eating it up. But that doesn't make it RIGHT! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS and until he is already moved out with divorce papers in his hands, don't believe him! Don't waste your time ladies, if he hasn't left her by now, he won't leave her. And if you go tell his wife that he has been messing around, she doesn't always kick him out and that can backfire. I say TELL HER! His wife deserves to know, and then run...run far away. Make smart decisions and be strong ladies...you will get through it, I promise. It hurts now but you will get over it. Just learn from it and never ever date a married man again...EVER! Only 3% of men end up leaving their wife for the other woman. Trust me if he hasn't done it by now, he ain't doing it. You have a better chance of winning the lottery AND trust me, he is no lottery to be won. Check out a 12 step program for love/romance/relationship addicts. Google it. If you are with a married man, you are most likely an love addict. You have to go through the storm before you see the rainbow and trust me ladies, BE STRONG, LET GO, MOVE ON...there is a rainbow!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): you're yanking both your wife and your lover around. first you left your wife for the other woman. Then you left the other woman to go back to your wife. Now you're back with your wife and still trying to cheat on her with the other woman and feeling territorial about her.
stop being so wishy washy and weak-willed, and commit 100% to one woman and leave the other. No one is saying this person should be your wife. But as long as you're still legally married, it has to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): I'm not sure how old your children are, but if they are old enough you should get divorced. You do sound incredibly selfish with your only goal as how do I get "my" lover back. I want my kids, I want my lover, and to hell with everyone else's needs. You probably don't really love her, and you'll get tired of her if she becomes your wife. You might want to work on yourself and see why you have all these problems.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (20 August 2011):
 How to get her back?
Become a single man! You just can not have all the benefits without some sacrifice on your part.
Going back to your wife may have jolted her away that she did not want to be the other woman.
Stay out of her life and get yours in order before moving on in another relationship.
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A
female
reader, Mummy86 +, writes (20 August 2011):
 i would let her get on with her life you are messing both these women about and quite frankly its not fair on eiether of them how would you feel if the role was reversed? first its your wife then this woman now your wife again? you cant have your cake and eat it if you loved this woman that much you would be with her and not using your kids as an excuse to why your back with your wife its not fair on your wife, kids or this woman!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): If you no longer love your wife then tell her its over and leave. That way she can be free to meet somebody,find happiness - rather than be with a man who doesn't want her.But don't go to somebody else, leave, find a place to live where you can have your kids visit. Be a part of their lives still.I think your lover is trying to make you jealous,distancing herself but not completely,hoping you leave your wife using games and manipulation.Do you really want somebody with those morals in your life? Would it even last if you did get together? It opens a whole new can of worms when you have children in the equasion.If you decide to stay with your family then cut all contact with the lover and stick to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): How can you get your lover back? By doing the following:1. Divorce your wife. Be honest with your wife that you don't love her. 2. Accept the consequences of divorce which is that you won't get to see your kids as much anymore. But this is reality, learn to handle the pain, adjust to it as many people do successfully, and do the best you can under the new circumstances.3. Now you're free to be in an honest and real relationship with anyone else. Right now you're using your wife as a pawn to gain access to the kids. I bet she doesn't know this either. This is horrible. You know it's wrong. If your wife discovers your affair and divorces you, this could be used against you in divorce court and the outcome for you could be far worse.Every choice come with consequences, so you need to decide which consequence you can live with. If you intend to stay with your wife, then you have to give up your lover. If you want to be with your lover (or anyone else besides your wife) then you need to leave your wife permanently and accept the life of a divorced father. This is really what it boils down to. What you're trying to do now - having it both ways because you can't bear to give up one or the other - is very destructive not just to your own mental health and possibly your financial future but to the other people you're involved with (your wife and lover and ultimately your children as well).
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (20 August 2011):
 i actually sympathise with men like you coz yes you don't love your wife anymore and some people will just tell you to leave her but it is not that clear cut when you have kids is it? if you leave you will lose that 24/7 contact with your kids. but if you want your lover to give you another chance then that is i think the only way you can prove your love for her. leave your wife permanently. even the, your lover may not trust you and may not want to give you another chance to leave her again
you cannot expect your lover to share you indefinitely. i know you were happy with 'having your cake and eating it' but realistically this sort of relationship only has a certain life span before the lover gets sick and tired of being left alone while you return home to your cosy family life.
you really have to have a good think and weigh things up here. if you leave your wife and go full time with your lover there is no guarantee that things will work out. you may get bored with each other when you can have unlimited access to each other.
if you decide to stay with your wife, or rather stay with your kids, you would be better cutting the lover out of your life, you cannot be 'friends' after all this. it will just torture you to know that she is dating and having relationships and sex with other men. you are better not knowing what she does
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): wow, you're behaving completely selfishly. You're ruining two women's lives because of your selfishness, and setting a bad example for your kids, one of putting your own needs above all others, promises and vows and personal integrity be damned.You make a mockery out of your marriage. You only went back to your wife because you were missing your kids. This is incredibly hurtful and disrespectful to your wife. You're basically saying to her "I really don't want you, I'm just settling for you and am only here for my own benefit of enjoying more time with the kids. I fully intend to continue cheating on you." People with integrity who don't love their spouses anymore would divorce and free everyone entangled with them to move forward in an open and honest way, and suffer the personal consequences of the divorce (like having less time with the kids). But not you - you're being a coward and a snake for going back to your wife for disingenuous reasons and continuing to dupe her. And then on top of that, you left your lover and yet you expect her to continue to cater to your needs? Why should she, when you betrayed her by leaving her to go back to someone else? You showed your lover that you don't care for her or the relationship you had with her, that you are just using her for your own comfort and pleasure when it's convenient for you, and have no intention to make sacrifices for her or commit to her honestly and openly. You have no right to expect anything from her.You need to grow up, stop being so selfish, and realize that in life you can't get everything you want. You need to learn that some times you make mistakes in life, like marrying the wrong person, having an affair. But the right thing to do is "man up" and do the RIGHT thing, not to continue trying to weasel your way through life avoiding the consequences of your bad decisions no matter whose lives you destroy in the process.I hope your wife finds out you've been cheating on her and still are trying to, and divorces you. the poor woman deserves to know who she's dealing with so she can make decisions for her own life. If you are a real man you would tell your wife that you've been cheating on her, own up to it, and the reasons you came back, and let her decide whether to continue this marriage or not.
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male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (20 August 2011):
You would have to leave your wife to have any possibility of getting her back. It would be the right thing to do. And I should say legally divorce, not just leave.Maybe this woman has realized how WRONG it is to sleep with a married man and now has the moral fiber to say no to you.Her sex life is none of your business and never was. You are MARRIED. Helloooooooooooo.If your marriage is loveless, get a divorce. If you miss your kids, make sure after the divorce you have visitation rights.There is no excuse for what you are doing.She is getting her integrity back by not being involved with a married man. Get your integrity back too.I would stay out of her life completely if I were you.Otherwise this is going to lead to nothing but heartbreak and possible bloodshed.
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