A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a really nice guy and we 'dated' for about two weeks. He asked me out each time, paid for all dates, was a gentleman. In the two weeks I knew him all we ever did was kiss lightly, no make out, no nothing else, he didn't push my boundaries at all. But during the first week with him, I met this other guy and fell head over heels for him. He was totally my type and seemed to want me so bad. So I broke it off with guy number 1. He was upset, he told me that he thinks the world of me, that he enjoys every minute with me and that he can definitely see a future with me. I was too lost in this new guy to even think how what I did to guy 1 was wrong. A month later guy 2 dumps me saying that he's not ready for a relationship and he's got emotional issues he hasn't dealt with yet. I think this is an excuse and he just doesn't want to be with me anymore.I kind of forgot about guy 1 but during the month after I left him I actually ran into him twice (first time I avoided him and the second I don't think he saw me). We live in a huge city and the chances of running into someone like that are crazy, and twice??So today I found myself thinking about guy 1, how he made me feel so special, how nice he was to me and how he seemed really genuine. I want to give guy 1 another go but it's been a whole month and I haven't spoken to him since I dumped him. I don't want to go contacting him and asking him if he wants to try again, that would just be too obvious.What should I do? Should I do anything? Do you think I'd just be using him to make myself feel better? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): You should call him up and say ,hey how are you , tell him you were thinking of him and ask to meet up. Its better to be a fool for 5 minutes than a lifetime.
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (31 August 2009):
 Hi,
sounds like you are settling on door number two after door number one opened up and you saw the flames of hell.
But you closed door number two and it should remain closed.
He may be your perfect man, but in your current frame of mind you are not his perfect woman. You dumped him after being wooed by a good time Charlie, this demonstrates to me that you could easily be led astray by another player with a smooth tongue and all the right moves.
Until you really know what you want, leave the first guy alone , don't break his heart twice...that would just be cruel.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (31 August 2009):
Yes, I think going back to him would be only to make yourself feel better. Sometimes we don't know what we have until it's gone--so it sucks that you had to get dumped by the other guy to realize that you passed on a guy that probably would have treated you much better and knew what he wanted.
So just take it as a lesson learned, and don't jump in with both feet with someone until you know what they want or what kind of person they are.
Don't have guy1 be your second choice, it's not right to string him along like that just to feel better about yourself.
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (31 August 2009):
 Yes, I think you would be using him to make yourself feel better. Sorry to be so blunt... but I think you have some emotional baggage of your own to deal with.
You latched on to Guy2 so quickly because he "wanted me so bad". You have a very big need to be wanted, to be special... all legitimate needs but they overpowered your common sense and sense of decency. AND those needs are likely much more intense right now because Guy2 dumped you... your self-esteem and pride has been damaged, your lonely... Guy1 is a good guy and you need some boosting. Just don't get it at his expense.
You really need to spend some time on you... healing, getting to know yourself, and making yourself happy so that you will be a catch for a guy like Guy1 instead of sloppy seconds.
Honestly I want to see you get better than what you are willing to settle for... I'm sorry but honestly I think any relationship you enter right now will be out of neediness. I want you to be healthy enough to get a relationship that is built on mutual love, respect and committment... something that nurtures you AND your partner.
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A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (31 August 2009):
 first of all..before you think you want to do something, you have to make sure whether you love the guy 1 as a person, OR..you LOVE the WAY HE TREATED YOU?
i mean, the way he treated you like BEING a gentleman. Yknow, you have to realize there will be up side down in relationship, there will be times that he can't be that gentlement..there will be times that he will be so annoying, stubborn, etc..
you have to prepare this. There's no man in this world can be a 100% gentlement from the start till the end..that's why, you have to make sure whether you love this guy 1 as a person, love him just d way he is, in good time and bad time you will stay with him.
If you can, then go for it.call him, and seek a chance whether he still want to give a go with your not?
However, you need to bear in mind that, there are some men cant accept rejection, so be prepared if he doesnt want to go with you.
wish u all d best! :)
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