A
male
age
30-35,
*lporrego
writes:Ok, so my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend grabbed her butt yesterday. I have asked this guy nicely to stop messing with her in the past. I have also asked in a mean way. It's obvious that he's not going to stop. When i found out on friday i was looking for him to beat his ass in school but luckily i didn't find him. I wasn't thinking. So i get back and i realize that instead of fighting him and getting suspended.. i could just get my girlfriend to tell the office and he would get suspended and NEVER do it again.. Well my girlfriend completely refused... i asked her over and over. I mean.. i never ask her for ANYTHING because she always says that she shouldnt HAVE to do stuff for me. But this was different. I was gonna get suspended, possibly arrested because he's a sophomore and im a senior. And i asked her in tears. please.. please just do it. and she wouldnt do something as simple as that because she said it was too much of a hastle.. well.. i started having second thoughts about us. if she wouldnt do that for me... when im crying. (we've been dating for 1.6 years..) and im balling asking her please. then i said... then were just gonna have to break up. as much as i didnt want to. i couldn't waste my time.. she still didnt want to. even after i brought up breakin up. so i had to do it. if she wouldnt do that for our relationship then there's no hope.. Now.. about 2 weeks ago her grandma died.. and i feel horrible that she lost her and me so close at the same time.. i know its not my fault that these series of events happened like this but there was nothing else i could do... I feel horrible. i keep crying thinking about her grandma. and thinking about how upset she might be. and im surprised at myself that i care so much about how shes feeling when im so mad at ehr at the same time. Should this bother me though? Please.. i don't know i need advice. im breaking down right now :/. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): This kid is amazing. He's been emailing me with profanities, unable to accept the crap he's putting himself through. For everyone else who require direct advice in an honorable way in dealing with this, here it is:
1) It is NOT mature to ask your girlfriend to report him and get him into trouble, when you cannot deal with it without beating him up. Confronting him does not equate to beating him up.
The MATURE way was to confront the guy directly AND/OR go to the administration and counseling department directly and seek assistance. You don't go crying to your girlfriend asking her to get the guy in trouble. That is NOT what a gentleman does. That is what a BRUTE does.
2) Begging and crying is NOT asking her nicely. Get your facts straight.
3) I have been in your situation before. It was solved without emotionally blackmailing my girlfriend. The guy I dealt with was an asshole. You know how I did it?
I did EXACTLY what you did MINUS the emotional blackmailing. I broke up with my girlfriend.
If you're a man about, YOU DO NOT LET A GIRL LIKE THAT TREAT YOU LIKE crap! If a problem persists and she is unwilling to do anything about it, you break it off. You do not go and emotionally cry and beg her. That is disgusting.
(I had to change some words, as this kid is swearing at me and instigating a battle)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): What you were asking her to do was unfair and immature, juvenile at best. Using 'tears' to get her to do something for you makes me want to turn away, sigh and shake my head. What type of person uses emotional blackmail against their lover to make her/him do favors? That is terrible.
If I was friends with your ex, I would tell her, "Good riddance." You're a terrible boyfriend. My gosh, if I catch myself do that, someone please shoot me generously.
As for your 'problem', this obviously bothers you. Stop asking such dumb ass questions. You 'breaking down' is something you deserve for treating your girlfriend like that.
As for what you 'should' do, don't do anything. Leave her alone. She deserves someone who would be on equal grounds with her and not someone who begs and cries to make her do something so dishonorable. Yeah so her ex did stuff you didn't like, so deal with it maturely. Don't try to manipulate your ex girlfriend into getting him into trouble.
Wow, the more I think about this, the more annoyed I'm getting.
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A
female
reader, triedit  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 THere is never a good time for a breakup. And your timing may actually have been better this way. The loss of her grandma will be foremost for her and ending the relationship with you will be on the back burner. It's nice that you are concerned about her, but Im sure she's fine. You made a good decision to end a relationship that was not very healthy. Don't beat yourself up over it.
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