A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemyman
writes:My boyfriend and I had a long discussion the other day. He said he felt empty with life and that he hates his life at the moment. He says he doesnt like living a black and white life and doesnt feel like he has control over his life. He then look me in the face and says he dont wanna keeping living like this. And I thought, its ok I will be there for you. And he basically dump me. He said he is not in love with me and doesnt feel the spark anymore. He says he still loves me and cares for me, but its not that feeling anymore. And I tried to be strong telling him, its ok. We can work through this. But he started crying basically pushing me away even more. When I realize what was happening. I started crying. He told me he didnt think we were compatible, and doesnt see a future with me. And I began to really start crying. Cause this was the same guy a month ago told me, that he see us for a long time and with me anything is possible. And we separated that night. I cried till I couldnt and he left the city. But I talk to him. And I told him we can work this, and he should give me another chance. And he did, and we are back together. But now I am lost. I don't if I am forcing him, or he really wants to be with me. I dont know if we should just end it now, and go our separate ways. I am not afraid to be alone. But he is my first love and open me to so much, and i love him so dearly. I do. But everyone tells us, we are changing. And that is probably for the best if we end it. Everytime I think of ending it, it makes me wanna cry. He's never cheated on me, and I know there isnt another woman. It's just differences. But we been together for 20 months. And I cant throw that all away. But I am not sure. Maybe I should just let him live his life, and forget about him. I never thught a day would come like this where he would say hes not in love with me. So what do I do? Do I try to work it out, or just throw it all away I guess....
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female
reader, megan1111 +, writes (15 January 2009):
Been there. The first is always the hardest. You need to listen to him but you must get him to talk. It easy for us to share our emotions but not so for men. They make talk but to really get them to talk you must really listen. Create a quite moment, not in bed, just sit and ask him questions without getting all emotional. He'll immediately know you're insecure about the relationship but like you know you need to know how he feels. There's something he's not getting or feels as though he's missing.
Talk but don't burden him.
Also, breaking up is always hard; especially with the first. 20 months is a long time, but it's not years invested. Dating is called dating because both people are searching. If you're not it, don't force him to accept you because years later it'll hurt more. Been there, done that, even got pregnant thinking that would keep him. Big mistake. Find out where both of you are in the relationship.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 OK let's look at this situation properly.
Your bf has told you he no longer feels there is a spark in the relationship so he is now going through the motions as such. That is NEVER good as one person is happy and the other is not.
By keeping him in the relationship with emotional ties, he is going to eventually feel trapped and he could end up cheating on you which would be worse than splitting with you. The pain of having someone cheat on you is not good and someone inevitably gets hurt. If he can't see a way out he may start to be a horrible bf to you and then you start to despise him. Again not a great scenario.
OK so like you say you have invested 20 months into this first ever relationship for you. You make it sound like a monetary commitment and that just isn't good. You didn't invest money you invested your heart I guess but in the great scheme of things it is only 20 months of your life and not 20 years, believe me I know.
You are both so young and tying yourself to one person at your age is sometimes doomed for disaster. I am not saying go and be with loads of guys but what I am saying is that this guy is not the only one out there and the right one could be either your next bf or the next - who know's what life is going to throw at you. Don't hedge your bets on the first guy that comes along and shows interest in you. He sounds unsettled and very unsure of himself and possibly feels like he is missing out on something. If that is the case like he has expressed he will NEVER be happy and whilst you kid yourself that you can be happy it will end disastrously.
Talk to him and just LISTEN to what he is saying OK, don't talk over him just LISTEN and then you will truly know. Don't continue to live a lie that's all I am going to say.
It is never easy to end a relationship but sometimes it is for the best.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel and we all pick ourselves up and normally end up happier in the long run OK.
Take care and keep us posted.
BFN
Country Woman
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