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age
41-50,
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writes: I made contact with my ex about a year ago and we were both single. I made it clear to her that if she ever hooked up with another bloke that I would walk away because I don't want to cause any problems. I kind of hoped that she would want to try to earn my trust again, but she didn't seem interested, so nothing happened between us. I know that she is seeing someone but she is denying it (why?). I told her that I don't want to be friends anymore and she has taken offence to it. I deleted her as a friend on Facebook and her phone number and she's upset about it. I don't understand what goes through her head. Why would she want to be friends with me? She doesn't need me, it's weird!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust sort of uncomfortable for me to stay friends with her. I told her she can ring or text me if she wants to talk but I want to keep my distance. So I have taken everyone's advice. She seems happy now, kind of suprised that she would really care actually.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): You may want to re-visit your black and white attitude about not being friends if she is seeing someone. You do have a valid point about the potential to cause jealousy and misunderstandings. So the problem is to work on setting and maintaining healthy boundaries and regulating emotions and sending clear signals. It's not to just cut out people from your life out of insecurity.Maybe you've had bad past experiences where your friendships crossed inappropriate lines and created problems. Again, a better solution is to work on your interpersonal skills, not so much avoidance. But, to each his own I suppose.I just think it's pretty hard to function as a fully integrated member of society if you refuse friendships with 50% of all the people you will meet based on their gender, just because either you or them are in a relationship. You may end up being a hermit. Or if you get in another relationship, and you make these demands of your future partner, you may not have a partner for very long...
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue  +, writes (20 February 2011):
You...might as well not have any female friends at all lol. If I were her I'd be angry just like her. Friends that stop being friends, just because the person has a lover, is pretty stupid. It's like saying those friends never had ANY trust or faith in the first place, and the friendship was just something to pass the time. I happen to think friendship is more than that and I'm always willing to make friendships work out. My own opinion is that friendships require a lot of work to maintain.
It's your choice if you don't want to stay being friends because of your emotions. But you shouldn't expect that she should have the same thought process like you.
Reality is that she doesn't have a problem. She has every right to be mad, just like you have every right to have that decision of being friends or not.
You also do not have a problem. You've already made your choice so move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. I did tell her that I woulld like her to find a nice man but the thing is, i have no wish to be friends with women that have boyfriends, it can cause jealousy, mistrust & makes me uncomfortable. I don't lke it when my girlfriend has male friends, it makes me have doubts. Yes she can see who she wants and I hope it works out well for her, I want her to be happy and I am not going to cause any problems in her relationship.. Immature? I don't think so.
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (20 February 2011):
Sounds like you are the one that needs her since you don't want her to be with someone else...even though she has no obligation to you.
Why can't she see other people anyway? It's her life, she can date who she wants. Maybe you want her world to revolve around yours. It sounds like you never wanted to be her friend in the first place. I'm sure she's mad coz you acted kinda immature for your age.
Not to offend you or anything but the past is past. The concept of trying to be friends after a relationship should be a sign of progress. She is moving on so perhaps you should to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): I think she doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you. She knows that if you know she's with someone you will walk. The women who I have seen do this have a tendency to "date" a lot of different people and keep them "in reserve" if you know what I mean. It aint pretty but it's what I've seen. Some people just aren't able to be monogamous.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): she is denying it bc she doesnt want to lose you but she is not going to be faithful to you. i say get rid of her and find another girl to be with someone that makes you happy and wont lie to you.
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