A
female
age
30-35,
*iss sunshine
writes:Alright, so for the last three months i moved in with a very good guy friend. We are very good roomates and the "living together" is going on very well. We are in the same class in the university and we have the same part time job, meaning we spend a lot of hours during the week together but it doesn't bother at all since we are having fun living together. The complicated part: there is a girl he likes a lot and nothing has happened for now and i broke up 8 months ago from my boyfriend of 2 years and a half. I still have feelings for him but oh well there is nothing i can do. I had a long distance relationship after that for about 5 months but didn't work out since i hated the distance. Last week we were at a party with my roomate and slept over. While in bed and before falling asleep he made a move and we ended up having sex!!! I never never ever was attracted to him,well he is a cute guy but not my style. As for him, he never showed any signs that he might like me. After what happened we laughed about it, said it was fun and that since it's been a long time that neither of us had sex, we just "helped each other". The things is that the next day, when we got home and were alone, it happened again and for one week every night we slept together and then cuddle in bed. I really enjoyed myself and i am starting seeing him differently and that's confusing me. We said that we shouldn't do this every night and that we have to calm ourselves but again the same night after this conversation before he goes to bed he gave me a goodnight kiss in the cheek (he never did that before) and then i was flitring and we slept together again! Now i am on my period so last night we didn't do anything, plus i stayed at a friend's house. Before falling asleep i send him a message saying that it is going to be hard to sleep alone tonight and that it was nice sleeping in his arms the last fews days. He answered "me too but that's the way it is, we won't sleep together evey night. goodnight". It's confusing me because one night we were having a conversation about me and my ex and my long distance relationship and he was asking me what i want right now in my love life. I said that i don't want to be alone nor having a relationship. I want to find someone to have fun with and having no problems. Even if it is a relationship i don't mind. He was laughing akwardly and looking at me. I don't want to get hurt but i can't understand if he likes me or if this is just sex.Any ideas on how should i go on with this? I think i'm starting to really like him but i don't think we wants anything more. He said that he doesn't want to feel like he is in a relationship living together but then again he came to my room that night...Any advice would be really really helpfull!Thanks in advance =)
View related questions:
broke up, long distance, moved in, my ex, period, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miss sunshine +, writes (21 February 2011):
Miss sunshine is verified as being by the original poster of the question Many thanks for your advice!
Apparently he seems to be in a dilemma as well as i am. He says we should stop and then we don't. It wasn't a good idea from the begging but now that we got into it, i will talk to him. Keep things straight and clear!
Thanks again :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): You have to be open and honest every step of the way here. You can't keep anything in. You live together, you go to work together so you see either constantly if you're starting to have feelings you have to tell him. The only way to make something like this work is being open and honest.
You have to know what you want and what he wants. You both said you don't want a relationship but that might change the only way you'll know is by talking to him and every time your opinion changes then talk to him about that too.
You see at the moment you're just friends with benefits. Now if you don't say anything and you grow to love him and he doesn't feel the same then you're going to feel rejected and very hurt. You may even feel used. How you prevent that is catching it early by keeping him updated. That way you can decide together whether you need to stop or whether you can give it a go.
I have to say though FWB's doesn't work. I think you made a mistake sleeping with him because if he only sees you as a FWB then that's unlikely to change. You're not going to stop sleeping with him because you're lonely and you live with him but if you start to fall in love with him and he doesn't feel the same then you have a long tough road ahead of you because you're so close and you see each other so often.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissVee  +, writes (21 February 2011):
Oh gosh... what you have here is a F*ck buddy. A F*ck buddy is essentially a no-strings bedmate who is more than willing to loan you the equipment between their legs, but not their heart.
A lot of women find themselves in similar predicaments as yours after leaving relationships. There's a guy you know, he's not half bad looking, but not exactly "boyfriend material" who just so happens to be in close proximity... and, what's this, he's showing you just a little bit of attention? You start to think that perhaps that little bit of attention is exactly what you need to remind yourself that you're desirable, gorgeous and witty. Way too good for the Bastard Ex. Waaaaay.
This would be perfectly fine if you had no intentions of trying to convert this commitment-phobic Fuck Buddy into The Boyfriend. Sadly, it sounds as though you've huffed in a fair whiff of those pheromones, and now your mind is your enemy, whispering to you that you love him, that he might be The One. Don't listen. For God's sake, don't listen! Block up your ears! Your mind is doing a chemistry experiment on you, and trust me, that lab is going to blow at any moment.
This man is not interested in having a relationship with you. What are you going to do when he moves onto his next plaything? There's every chance that you're going to feel like the old toy, miserable, dejected, forgotten and shoved into a cardboard box in the attic in favour of some bright new plaything. Some new plaything that doesn't try to become his girlfriend...
Please, before he discards you and runs off to play with some new toy, grab a toy of your own. One that goes buzz in the night and doesn't tinker with your ticker.
...............................
|
