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female
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anonymous
writes: Repeating the same mistakes over and over.I'm so tired and low tonight, I just don't know how much more I can take. I seem to be setting myself up for such a rubbish time of it, and I can try and blame others but really it's down to me.A guy I have a stupid crush on continues to flirt and recently we had sex again, the result? he didn't acknowledge it had happened straight afterwards, ignored a couple of texts I sent and hasn't contacted since (3 weeks). I see him around alot and he says hello, has been reasonably chatty (we've not been alone) and just pretends it's ok. I texted him and asked him why he treated me like that and his reply was "I'm sorry, I know it's a cr*p thing to say but I don't know what else to say". Nothing reassuring, nothing to tell me that I'm not disgusting to him and so horrible he doesn't want to know me.I don't understand, or at least I kind of do. If he's using me for sex then why react like that to me afterwards when he knows he's going to see me around? Does he wake up and feel disgusted that he'd lower himself to sleep with me? I just don't know why he'd be this way, I can't get my head around this at all. I know now that it has to stop, I can't keep doing this to myself, but so many unanswered questions and I need to know but know that the answers will destroy me :-(Why am I so bad? Why do people treat others like this? All he had to say was "was a nice evening, hope we're still friends" and I would feel like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood intentions - are all well and good but sadly I'm an idiot.
I had sex with him on wednesday and since then no contact from him. Saw him tonight, he acted is if I was a stranger.
I know, stupid. Dumb. Blind. Deluded.
I know I want more in my life, but I keep repeating the same damn mistakes, not because of him, but because so much is missing from my life. Even I can see that now, he's not for me - I just crave attention, validation, feeling good.
Oh I don't know - am like a repellent to men just now - until I can be happy with myself that's all I can ever be. Seems that I am in self-destruct mode, willing to lay myself down in front of the speeding car, waiting for the endless pain to stop - waiting for someone to rescue me.
I know I'm rambling now - I've had a drink (always a bad idea in this mood)!!.
Damn it guys - I know what I need to do - why can't I just bloody well do it! What the hell is wrong with me letting someone treat me so cheaply, why am I acting so cheap?
Bed. The only answer, sleep and feeling drained tomorrow and stupid and crazy. The good news is I sat talking to others during the evening and had a "good'ish" time, I haven't sent him some loony text, I haven't done anything stupid - I just feel so bad.
x
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 Any time, chuck, glad to be of assistance! (HUGS)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're so right, all of you are so spot on, and I know it deep down.
Congrats Snowbird, I hope I am as lucky as you and wish you all the very best in your new relationship.
I'm still trying to be strong, though he's etched in my brain somewhat right now. It's probably true about him sleeping with other women, I have no idea - and I still have this overwhelming urge to launch at him and tell him how I feel but I do realise this is pointless, if anything he'll just act confused and as if I'm some over-reacting mad woman - can't see how that would help me particularly so am just not contacting him.
Anyway, he's getting no more of me, you're right I have to detach and build a life for myself - to be happy with myself and I'm not right now. I'm stuck in a rut and I need to try and escape it, he hasn't helped as I've placed to much hope in him being in my future and he isn't going to be.
Why can't life be simple eh?! lol.
Thank you so much! - I wish you lived nextdoor you're all ace! lol
xxx
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reader, snowbird +, writes (11 September 2006):
Just keep being strong - I know where you are coming from, and it sure is no walk in the park trying to build back your self-esteem.
Guys like him certainly don't help either - it's a shame thay cant see the trail of destruction left in their wake!
Good for you to stand your ground, you have wasted enough time which would have been better spent getting out and about meeting new people, and creating a wider circle of friends - it's only then, when you least expect it, and when you learn to love yourself, that you bump into someone special.
Just enjoy what life has to offer, travel, and circulate - you may well find that man who is looking for the same thing as you..good luck - and BE HAPPY!
P.S. If it's any comfort I am fifty-two, and after a marriage which lasted 31 years and resulted in the loss of my self-esteem, have just in the past year met the love of my life - and BOY is it worth waiting for!!! :o))
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again all, you're just great for me right now x
I saw him again tonight, and it's just so hard :-( It's difficult to not see him really, he's just THERE! lol, I have this urge to text him but I haven't, I've been polite and friendly but even now as I looked at him I thought "god yes I would", fortunately I made sure that I didn't stick around and was busy chatting to a guy that was visiting the area, he was quite cute actually lol, but I was so conscious of my where and what my "crush" was doing the whole time! damn it!!!
I'm 33, old enough to know better, but this has been going on now for near on 2 years, being "friends" ha ha, sleeping together once every few months, it's so hard to detach from that. However, I am getting better at the moment at realising that he doesn't want me, at the end of the day whilst I haven't texted him since his "sorry" text, he hasn't contacted me either - what does that tell me? he doesn't care, he's never going to be my "prince charming" that sweeps me off my feet and makes life worth living. I think there is an element of being "left on the shelf", all I want is to be happy with someone that loves me and cares for me and protects me, when you're in your teens you think that's attainable but a 6-7 year relationship that ended a good few years back just left me feeling so rubbish, he was a control freak in the end and I realised he'd destroyed my self-esteem, and then what do I do? I continue to "pick" men that carry on doing just that!
I just have to keep this up, and believe me it's hard, I feel like a silly school girl but I am trying so hard I promise
Sorry I rambled a bit there (a lot!), my head is scrambled lol
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Yes you're so right, I am so deluded I know!! lol.
Tonight I went out, and he was there working, is hard to avoid him without turning into a recluse unfortunatly. However, I sat chatting with a friend and though I was polite I made sure I didn't respond to his flirting. He seemed to try and make eye contact several times and though I registered him I returned to my conversation and didn't rise to it. I made sure I wasn't around too late to get into one-on-one conversation or anything else.
I just need to keep this up, not text him, not encourage him - just be happy and confident and move on. Ok ok, am STILL edgy, but I have to do this - I'm not a teenager anymore, and this will all end in my tears unless I can detach myself and either get into the "friend" zone, which is unlikely, or just turn him into someone i say hello to if I see and nothing more.
I suppose if I'm truly honest, I'm tired of feeling lonely and want to feel loved, not such a bad admission - but somehow a depressing one because life isn't turning out as it should have. I only ever wanted a simple life, meeting someone, falling in love and maybe having a family, and it just doesn't seem to have been "meant to be" for me, and it makes me very sad. Maybe I pinned my hopes on this guy (or "loser") to make me happy, and clearly he was going to do everything but.
Thanks again all, you're giving me strength - at a time when all I feel is weak, rejected and useless :-(
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey allBeen a funny day again, walked a lot, thought a lot lol.Thanks so much, I read your replies and you're all so right. Yes, I've been hoping that sex will make him magically realise he has feelings for me, have hoped that sex would develop even some intimacy - but truth be told, it was always just sex to him and I know it deep down. There was no cuddles and just lying there after, it wasn't emotionally intense.Dr Pete is right that I desperately want to have it out with him, to understand - but that will only end in tears (mine of course), I think I have to satisfy myself with his rather pathetic "sorry" text.I am going to try to just be myself, (as he is doing without conscience!), to try and forget it and whilst I can enjoy the flirting, you're right - I have the power to say NO, to put a stop to this, if I carry on feeling like this my self-esteem will be non-existent. Why do I want a man in my life that wants me to feel like that as a friend let alone more?There's a part of my that thinks, if I say no and keep my distance maybe THEN he'll like me lol - ok I know, but bear with me lol.I sound positive enough here, but am sure you realise my resolve is shaky, it's frustrating but I am going to try.Thanks so much again, I really appreciate your help - there's no-one else I can talk to as I'm pretty private about personal stuff.x
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reader, LiLKiss +, writes (8 September 2006):
 many good advices posted. and i had to add something. i understand how you feel the good people always feel like bad things are happening to them because they are more emotional and care too much. Like other readers said just forget about him, he is not worth it.But please for your sake dont be one night stand even if it feel right dont do it because this is how you going to feel afterwards.we all make mistakes not once many times but what can we do but move on and do things differenlty.. dont worry so much it will get better if you belive in it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): Next time this situation occurs, remember that you hold the power regarding the giving of sex and no matter how much a guy pressures you, do not have sex with them too early.
Make them wait a bit - seriously, it wont kill them, in fact it will drive them slightly nuts thinking about you.
So many women (especially younger) think that sex will make men like them more, to be honest the opposite is more truthful, get the respect first because if they cant wait a little while, they were likely going for just the sex anyway - and youve lost nothing, least of all your self respect.
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reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (7 September 2006):
 Don't be so hard on yourself. Some guys are cads. . . members of the 4F Club - Find 'em, Feel 'em, F*ck 'em, and Forget 'em. To them, it's not that big of deal. . . it's just sex. If you want more than sex, you need to be more selective in who you hang out with. . . and allow into your good graces.
Hang in there and write this one off as a learning experience.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): Hi there
You're not bad and there is nothing wrong with you, it's other people that are at fault and have the problem. Not you.
I have talked to girls that have been in your situation and a few times they have been determined to talk out their pain to the guy that used them. However, believe me, no good will come from this because he won't want to know and you will just seem like a stalker to him, he really will not understand, nor care, how you are feeling. It will just seem like you are over-reacting to him.
The best thing you can do in this situation is put him in the "eejit" (idiot) category, have nothing more to do with him, move on, and don't allow someone to talk you in to sex again until you are sure they respect (and preferably) love you.
Some people can detach sex and emotions better than others, and I think this guy is one of those people. More caring, sensitive and emotional people end up feeling used, dirty and treated like rubbish, and people like this guy can literally not ever give what happened, nor the person, a second thought. This doesn't mean their is any thing wrong with you - quite the opposite.
It's a sad fact that there are people out there that will not respect, or see how great you are. But, there are people that will respect you, and see who you really are. Put this guy behind you, and focus on being friends with people you know you can trust. And if you ever see this guy in the street, just walk straight past him knowing you are FAR better than he is.
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