A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey.I've recently (three/four months ago) been through a rather violent breakup. A number of factors led to this; her grandmother died and she took it out on everyone else, we fell distant.. you know. The major factor - one that we had kept from each other - was that we had each fallen for someone else. She's in a happy relationship with him now. The girl I fell for is now entering one.Let's call her 'Meg'. She's a beautiful girl, compassionate and sweet, shy when she needs to be. You get the idea. And.. I was about to tell her how I feel, right then and there and she tells me about her soon-to-be boyfriend. My mood dropped instantly, I was uncomfortable with the topic and made sure she was aware of it. She didn't understand why. She's had a hard life. Her parents.. aren't nice people. Her mother is incredibly controlling, rarely letting her leave the house, locking her email accounts and the like and her father molested her as a child. I've been through this with her, looking after her and making sure she's all right. I'd do anything for her - and I have. But she still doesn't know I love her. I don't understand.I don't want to ruin this chance at happiness for her, but nor do I want to let the greatest woman I've ever met slip through my fingers. What should I do? I'm lost.
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grandmother, shy, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 I know, but even so, watch your motives in everything you do. Never lie to yourself, regardless of what you tell the world.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@SweetSmoochyI mentioned the ex to give a little bit of backstory, is all. But.. maybe. I would think that, but my feelings for her were there before the breakup.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): dude your 13-15 "plenty more fish in the sea" and, enjoy your (childhood) while you still can.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (3 April 2011):
I would vote that you tell her how you feel, then let her decide. Make sure she knows that even if she does not choose to be with you, that you'll still be her friend. By giving her a choice with no strings attached, you shine yourself as a person who truly and deeply cares for her.
If she still decides to date the other guy, keep your promise if you can bear it, and just know that it wasn't meant to be.
Another thing, if she is still just flirting with this guy and he isn't already her boyfriend, chances are, she's not as attached as you may think. It's possible that she is, but more likely she just likes him.
One last thing. If your question is about this new lady, why did you bring up your ex? Are you sure you've waited long enough to be in a new relationship if you only months ago went through a bad breakup? Are you sure that there is no level of increased loneliness or even competition being created by the fact that your ex already has a new significant other?
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