A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It all started when my collegue asked me to join him to play billiards.He taught me how to play.After that incidence,I would always caught him staring at me,and to my surprise,I found myself acting nervous/excited when he's around. Then, he started to offer me food and help at work. I started to call him big brother, and he calls me small sister.When he asked me to watch movie with him,I declined, for we are both married,however we exchange sms which seems like we miss each other. I am not sure where all this is leading to.I dont want to play fire,but I couldn't help myself to stay away from him and say no to whatever he offers.
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi everyone.MC here in Singapore means medical leave.while he was on MC, he sms me saying I was right, that we should just keep our distance..but he's hurt/.so i thought i had no option but to reply.i told him that we're not on the same wavelenght.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 August 2010):
Hi there. I don't know what "he took MC" means. I hadn't heard of it before, sorry. Could you tell me please? I am assuming it is resignation from the company or at least leave of some sort, by the fact you have asked - "Should I sms him and wish him well?" To me that indicates a finality of some sort.
My answer is no, don't sms him at all. To do so, would almost certainly be encouraging him to continue on. It's tempting fate. You do not want to go there and sneak around behind your husband's back, telling lies and then more lies to cover the other lies; and then feeling as guilty as anything, and not sleeping. Do you really want that. You deserve better than that. You would also lose your self-respect and your self-esteem because of it. It would affect every part of your life in some way.
Everything in life happens for a reason, and it is always for the greater good of all. Even if something seems disappointing, usually there's always a lesson to be learnt from it. It's what is known as the dark cloud with the silver lining. The dark cloud is the disappointment and the silver lining is the positive that comes out of the negative situation. As one door closes another door opens.
It also means that a much better situation is about to happen. It might not happen immediately, it could be days, weeks or months. And no, I don't mean some other guy is going to come along. But it takes your focus off that situation, so that you are absolutely open to a new opportunity and won't miss it. If you were focussed on him, you would miss the opportunity when it does knock on your door. Many opportunities come and go, and because we are otherwise engaged or distracted we will definitely miss it without even knowing it.
Opportunities come along all the time - it might be someone you have a casual conversation with waiting for a train or a bus, seeing an ad in a newspaper, talking to a friend or even watching a show on TV and something that's said just strikes a chord with you. You just never know when it will be. So it's really important to be aware all the time.
Life if full of opportunities. The most interesting thing about these opportunities, is that they are not always glaringly obvious just what the jewel of it is. On the surface, it might not seem obvious so it could be easily dismissed. But on the other hand, if you say to yourself when it is offered to you - "Well why not? You just never know where it might lead." It's really crucial to think beyond what you see on the surface. In saying "yes" as often as you can, even when you are not sure, you will begin your journey to what you were meant to be doing in this life. Called destiny. Our purpose in this life. It's there for us all.
This is truly a chance for a new beginning in your life, as that distraction has now been removed. Don't go back there - move forward. It's a golden opportunity, as there now is free passage for newness to come in.
And it won't require leaving your old life behind either. So don't be scared. You'll still be with your husband.
Best Wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 nope. leave it be. do not contact him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate all your enlightening replies.
Let me share, today, just what Dorothy Dix said, I planned to keep away, spend more time outside the staff room, (our tables are just a metre apart)but guess what, he took MC, I dont know what kind of sickness he's got.Is he also keeping his distance?
Now, is it ok if I sms him and wish him well?
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (16 August 2010):
It does sound like you are both a bit bored with life and need some excitement.
You have said his wife is overseas at the moment, so he's a bit lonely for her as well. If your husband was overseas, you would miss him also.
It's probably a bit of loneliness on his part.
Be respectful, but don't encourage him in any way. Believe me, it's not worth the heartache that it will cause. And sooner or later, it will happen.
Forget doing the texting, that's not helping either. If he texts you - don't answer it, if he asks why no answer, say you have too much to do. And again, don't be angry or offhand.
Why don't you bring your own lunch, and say 'No thank you, I have my own', (if he offers you any of his), but be friendly and smile. And don't have lunch at your desk, because he probably does that as well. Don't leave yourself open.
Even better, go out at lunchtime and have your lunch in a park somewhere or even go walking then eat your lunch. But in any case, isolate yourself from the office so that you are not there all the time.
You do need to set up boundaries and make them clear, without being angry or disrespectful in any way. And do this now - don't wait for the situation to get out of control.
No, you're right, you don't want to play with fire. Surely you don't want to be unfaithful to your husband, I'm assuming everything there is ok.
You need to distract yourself from all this, by having some other activities outside of work to make your personal life more interesting. When you do this, there won't be a feeling of lack of fun in your life, and you won't be tempted to go further with this colleague, as your life will already by meaningful and pleasing to you.
These thoughts about this colleague won't exist if you have a fun life outside of work. Because there won't be anything missing from your life. The fact you are having some thoughts and feelings about this guy, just means there's a gap in your life that needs to be filled. But not filled in the way you might think. Don't start an affair, that's a really bad move.
Good Luck and best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Okay, if you're going to back off being friends with him, it might be courteous to communicate this. Tell him you've thought about it and decided you feel uncomfortable having male friends as you are married. don't just leave him hanging and mad, explain your position.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUgh!this morning he asked me if i want to watch movie with him.When he asked me again before the end of the day, I told him that Im still thinking for the nth times if I should watch movie with him.Guess what he answered:
nvm, just go home ba.
I was like duh!what a reply!I didnt answer back.He's sure angry.Now should I be angry too?whaever happens to tomorrow?I'm lost.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm female. I couldn't bring it out yet to my husband.My colleague's wife is abroad.
The thing is, we are from different cultures. So I'm not very sure if what he's showing is just part of their culture.
Monday comes and I still don't know what to do.Hope he wont show anymore interest in me.
Thank you for your time dearkelja
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (15 August 2010):
You didn't say. Are you male or female? If you are male, then a friendship with another man is a good thing but I don't know too many men who go to movies together. They usually do sporting events or golf or go to bars.
If you are a female, it's still ok to have a friend but the two of you need to be in it for the same purpose...just friends. And, perhaps if there is this friendship bond, why couldn't you bring your spouses along and have a night out together as couples?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your pieces of advice,,yeah its just his company as a friend that I enjoy,i want nothing more.
How do i dismiss him graciously?We've been collegue for over 6 months where our conversations were just hi and goodbye.Until recently, he often asked me out for lunch and shows that he cares.Am I just over reacting to what he is doing?
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (14 August 2010):
If you love and respect your husband, then I would cut contact with this man you're starting to develop feelings for. if anything, this is an emotional affair.
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 August 2010):
If you value his company and want him as a friend then have a conversation. Your profile says you are male but you said he calls you small sister. If you are female then you might be playing with matches. If you are male it sounds like you might be having feelings beyond friendship (couldn't help myself to say no to what he offers). I guess you are playing with fire either way.
...............................
|
