A
female
age
36-40,
*elbel
writes:So my boyfriend and I just got back from vacation, and we usually see each other on Saturdays, but like 2 days before he tells me he's helping his parents move furniture. The problem with this is, that I don't believe what he said and he hasn't really been keeping in contact. I have a feeling he's at a friends cottage, and if thats the case, thats fine but why is he lying to me ?I love him but I'm on the verge of dumping him, or even getting back at him. I'm suppose to see him tomorrow (Sunday) and I have no idea what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lakeisha  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 if you are thinkin about dumping over this, you might not love him as much as you think you do. when you are in a relationship men will mess up and if you are asking me if he is at that cottage, then my answer is yes, he is there.
i've been my relationship for three years and yes i've been through what you have been through... a few times.
but sometimes when men lie to you, they just dont want to hurt or make you mad, but a man will be a man and they will do what they want. when they feel like they have lossed your trust, they will try to do little things to try to get back in your good graces. if he doesnt at least attempt at this, he doesnt love as much as you think either. You definetly need to tell him about this. you dont want him thinking that he can just do this to you. stand firm and tall and ask him if he was there, if he says no just tell him that you think that he was and why you think this, if he is lying, he WILL crumble eventually, and the first thing he's gonna say is "i didnt tell you because i knew you would get upset". try to shed some light onthis ugly situation:he lied to you because he cares about you AND your feelings. give it some thought
A
female
reader, Jelbel +, writes (14 August 2010):
Jelbel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing that makes me think that is, that there was an email a while back regarding those dates.
We've been together for over a year now so I'm not sure if he said he was at his parents house because he knew I would be upset that he was at his friends cottage, or if he is telling the truth.
Either way, he gave me his passwords and was like I'm not hiding anything. Its my first serious relationship so like for me I would always tell myself "If he hangs out with girls I won't care" but that obviously isn't the case.
He keeps saying he wants to marry me and yada yada, so i'm thinking if he did "lie" really for me it shouldn't matter because he's probably not doing anything
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A
female
reader, Jelbel +, writes (14 August 2010):
Jelbel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThing is, I found out that his friend is going up to the cottage the same weekend. It's just the way he's been acting ever since the trip ended. He never told me up front that he was helping his parents move furniture. After a while he's like I'm helping my parents move furniture. Also his roommates are single and they're like typical guys when it comes to girls. I told him up front I don't trust his roommate but I don't know what to think anymore.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (14 August 2010):
 "I have a feeling he's at a friends cottage" - Indeed, nothing wrong with being at a friend's house. But the problem is that he lied to you. Or maybe you're just thinking too much about it, you HAVE A FEELING (I've never doubted feminine intuition though). So I have a few questions:
1. What makes you think that he's at his friend's ?
2. For how long have you guys been going out? (it's very important to know, because trust cannot be built in 2 months)
3. And why don't you believe that maybe he's having household liabilities, like any other person?
This is obviously an insecure behavior, lack of trust and so on, which is not OK, so you need to tell him. Wait until you see him and talk. It's the only way you can find out if your hunches were for real, by seeing his reactions to your questions (I presume there will be). You could also strew statements like "I don't mind if you tell me the truth, whatever it is, I can take anything"(be strong until the last moment, show him no weakness, like they say :P).
Just don't rush into making radical decisions, if you don't have a concrete proof that he's a liar, you may regret later. If you have confusing feelings towards him or doubts about the future of your relationship, the best is to talk. ANYTHING you do regarding the relationship must be a two-sided conversation.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 August 2010):
 Why would you think he's lying? Maybe he really is helping his parents move. I wouldn't jump to conclusions that he's lying.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 You shouldn't be thinking about dumping him until you know for sure that somethings up. Right now, you're making choices on suspicions that seem to have no evidence to support them.
What makes you think he's lying? Have you tried calling him? Has he not yet earned your trust?
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