A
male
age
36-40,
*minapickle
writes:I am currently in a very complicated situation. I have been dating someone for almost a year and we are very much in love. Last month, an ex girlfriend (who i havent spoken to in 14 months) calls me and tells me I have a son who is 6 months old.I have been battling the past month trying to figure out what I need to do. I am so in love with my girlfriend and we have so much in common, understand each other, support each other..On the other hand, baby mama wants to be with me. Unfortunately for her, I dont have feelings for her. My gut instinct has been telling me to try things out and see if they might work, because subconsciously i would like a family and wouldnt want to risk losing precious time with my boy, but I dont want to get into something that i wouldnt be happy with.In the process of all this thought, i have broken up with my girlfriend to try and gain some perspective about what i should do, but it hasnt helped. I have tried not seeing her. I have tried not talking to her but havent lasted very long.I am about to try just doing my own thing for a couple weeks alone and see where my feelings lead me. I have deactivated my facebook because when i look at my girlfriend it stirs up emotions and holds me to her.I just dont know what to do. As long as im in communication with my girlfriend, I dont see anything happening with baby mama. At the same time, i have been wondering the following:If I stay with girlfriend, how often will i see my son?If I stay with girlfriend, what if we dont work out anymore some day and I would lose my chance of trying to work out something with baby mama?If I stay with girlfriend, what if baby mama becomes defensive and starts trying to manipulate me?If I try things with baby mama, what if they dont work and I have lost my love?If I try things with baby mama, what if they dont work and it causes problems for my child?If I try things with baby mama, what if I just end up hurting her?No matter what, I dont plan to do anything with out first feeling it. My parents are pressuring me to work things out with her, but I just cant do something just because of my child.I have a couple weeks to think things over, but I have been trying to work it out over a month now and cant get anywhere. Its back and forth every day and its driving me insane.I want to be there for my son. I want the best for my son. I dont want to miss any part of my sons life if at all possible. Please help me...
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Yes ...follow your heart....SON and GIRL YOU LOVE...if everyone is thinking of the child..this could work fine...
A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 I can understand its a big problem on your part to decide and reigniting the old flames are just next to impossible.I think you should talk to your ex so that you can see your baby regularly(may be twice or thrice a week) and at the same time make it clear to your ex that you people will not be able to make it out together(according to me it will not work).I don't think she can prevent you from seeing your son based on anything.I would suggest you to spend some quality time with son,it will keep this thoughts away and later on you can decide by considering all pros and cons.Then you can share your thoughts and feelings for your son with your girlfriend but let her decide what she wants.Don't avoid her,just ask you need sometime and you will be back.On the other hand I don't know how did you and your ex ended up.If it was mutual,just ask her to move on and make her understand its not possible to get back the feelings which you have lost once.
...............................
A
male
reader, iminapickle +, writes (23 March 2011):
iminapickle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI already took a DNA test and confirmed the baby is mine. I did that within the first week of finding out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Its a difficult one, because if you would really like to have a family the ideal solution would be to get back with your ex. Buttttt, If you dont love her, you dont love her. You would be living a lie. You can still be a good parent and not live with your child. In some ways not living with one of the parents is beneficial.
I personally would follow my heart and be with the person I love. But you need to ask yourself if you could love your ex, take it slowly by dating bla bla bla,,, the way you would a normal relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): check if the son is yours.
...............................
|
