A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband mentioned that next year his entire family (i.e. parents, siblings, brother in law, kids) might be going on vacation together. I really do not want to go on a family vacation with all of them because it's not exactly my idea of a "vacation", especially since I don't have a lot of vacation time. I'd rather just go on vacation with the 2 of us. How can I tell him this without causing a big argument? Or what would be the best approach for handling this? Any advice appreciated, thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): HiI think you can have a vacation just by loosening up and enjoying the fun....when there is a big group they can entertain themselves, while you and husband go off for an evening together. Sounds like you do not want to be with the family for different reasons(maybe quite genuine).We are all different and i respect that...i love the more the merrier fun, then you sneak a few hours together with your partner...this is more sexy i feel. You may not be a people person but often you end up having great fun ...and to have a big family holiday is quite special, as it does not often happen due to family rifts, please don't start one.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Regarding OldGuy's response - I'm close with my family, but my family doesn't really go on these types of vacations, hence we can't really "take turns" in this regard. He's lived most of his life away from his family, in fact, he chose to stay/live in a different city than his family, even up to now. Hence the current situation is that he and I live in city A, whereas everyone I know, including my family & friends, and HIS family live in city B. If he's really close to his family, then I think he should have taken steps long, long ago to move back to city B, which he never did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): You haven't really given us much to go on here. Do you have a close family? Is he really close with his family?
Often married couples tend toward one family or the other. You get integrated with the larger, more cohesive group, and that becomes the mainstay for your kids as they get to know a large group of cousins. If that's the case, if your partner's family is a big cohesive group, and it's very important to him, then it might be smart to go with the flow and try to make friends in that group. Ya, it's not what you want just now, but down the road when you have kids his family can become a big support network for you. That does not mean that you cut yourself off from your family -- make it clear that you'll do the thing with his people next year, but the year after is for your side.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (7 April 2009):
 This is one of those marital dilemmas where you just have to bite the bullet and go with the flow. Families often aren't able to get everyone together to have a vacation, so this shouldn't be a regular, yearly thing.
I'd go, but let him know that you would really appreciate a week away of just the two of you next year. But think about if your family wanted to have a reunion of sorts, you'd probably be pretty upset if he didn't come along.
Unless this is the yearly vacation for a giant family, half of which you barely know, then I would grin and bear it.
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (7 April 2009):
 It's for / with his family, I'm sure you can make an exception and go. His family obviously means a lot to him, do it for him. It's hard to get a lot of people together - you and him will have another time.
Good luck.
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