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female
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anonymous
writes:Hoping someone can help. My ex broke up with me before Christmas. I was hurt but since he asked for no contact, I complied. I saw him tonight when we happened to be at a table of mutual friends in the restaurant. I ignored him, just acted like he did not exist. I noted that when I made remarks he would roll his eyes or try to discount them and when I left the restaurant he made a point of being really nice to my best friend. I continued to ignore him and said goodbye to her. He is behaving rudely, I am too as I am refusing to acknowledge him. I have no intentions of making the first move towards him but he is not making it easy for me either. We have mutual friends so will be thrown together on occasion. I am usually friends with my exes but he seems to really dislike me. Why is he acting like this and how do I handle it in the future?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Me too honey my ex broke up with me and he treated me like shit too not too mention we were together for 2.5 years and also moved me 27 hours away from my whole family it sucked but it's been almost 2 months now and realized it was for the better men just have too much of a high ego and think because they have a dick that it's ok.ok Im not saying all men just the men I met.Just be strong he's the one that screwed up you look like the smart one for not chasing his butt,he was probably wishing you did
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Breaking up with someone is painful, especially if that person was very important to you.
Your ex probably still cares about you, but he having broken up with you, thinks that he is not welcome, and you showed him that by ignoring him, so to protect his feelings/heart and his ego, he behaves rudely....he isn't quite over this thing with you yet and doesn't know how to navigate the territory when he sees you out with friends that he knows as well. He may even feel uncomfortable that you may have bad mouthed him after the breakup....people do that...do I wouldn't worry about it too much.....You don't owe him friendship, but you don't have to ignore him next time either...just be civil and speak to him and then leave it at that.
If he didn't have any feelings for you he would have behaved with indifference....love and hate are not opposites....love and indifference are though.
See?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): he is only rude because he realize he lost u .dont worry walk with ur head high .be strong pay him no mind trust me been there done that move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): he is only rude because h erealize he lost u .dont worry walk with ur head high .be strong pay him no mind trust me been there done that move on.
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male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 I've never understood why women want to be friends with their ex's. Once you get out of a relationship, then it feels pointless to try to have anything else with that person. It is different for guys. If a guy wants to be friends afterwards it's because he really wants to be more than that and is hoping he can work his way back into your heart. He is not your friend or boyfriend, so just act as such and don't worry about him.
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female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (7 April 2009):
 It's a defense mechanism. Unfortunately he doesn't realize that it makes him look like a fool and will end up making your friends feel very uncomfortable.
Honestly, be the first to extend a hand for friendship, or at least civility. You don't have to like him, or ever talk to him outside of the rare social occasion, but if you let it be known to everyone that you are willing to put your past behind for the sake of everyone else having a good time, then you will look like a shining star.
He has dug his grave. As long as you are nice and cordial, then he can help himself out of this, assuming he is smart enough to realize that he is about to alienate an entire group of friends.
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female
reader, HPC11 +, writes (7 April 2009):
 honestly I'm having the same problem with my stupid ex but not only do we have mutual friends but he's best friends with my cousin and we are neighbors. I don't know why your ex is being a jerk when he's the one who wanted no contact... maybe he's mad because you aren't paying him any attention and stroking his ego by wanting it.All you can do is keep doing what you are doing and when it gets to much pull him aside (even if he doesn't want to) and tell him "Listen! I don't know what your problem is but this has got to stop." and either he'll agree and tell you why he's mad or possibly get angry. But if you want him off your back you might just have to take that risk...
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Oh, it's not that bad yet.
My ex was swearing at be and calling me b*tch and stuff. "
I got really(by really, i mean seriously seriously pissed) pissed. & I yelled at him. 8D.
I loved him lots, but disrespecting me after we've broken up is not ohkay. So I had to do it, don't hate me. :/
He seemed like a nice guy though.... BUT ANYWAYS. you should yell at him =_= and ask him why. Clarify this & get on with your life. (:
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Human tendency is to give out only what has happened to us. Hence, it's possible his only skill set of being a fresh ex is negative, and I dare say it's due to his prior modeling. We can only do what our experience (textbook or hand-on) gives us. So that's likely "why" he's cruel. And I have to level with you: it's unproductive to wonder why unless it gives you wisdom. The day will come where "why" doesn't matter.
I know it hurts when someone you cared for is cruel on any level. The pain is exaggerated if you've not experienced before and it sounds like you haven't, so bless your heart.
We can't make people like us, so eventually when we wrap our brain around that truth it's pretty healing. And then when we choose to be at peace over losing someone, it's awesome. And what I like about when I've lost a supposed friend and they are mean thereafter, it closes the whole deal with the knowledge that they never really were a friend. That's a relief isn't it?
People can close doors, but I love how we have a choice to open others, and it's great to know we can upgrade our choices at all times.
In terms of what to do about having mutual friends, my first thoughts are to watch out for yourself; be in uplifting and productive enivronments at all times you can choose. If it means you must pretend that someone else is invisible, or non-existant on the street or restaurant and pretend they really are invisible, then that takes care of you because you are the master of what you choose to surround yourself by.
Keep that beautiful chin up!
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female
reader, Mariela +, writes (7 April 2009):
 WELL I THINK YOU REALLY HAVE TO TRY TO IGNORED HIM BECAUSE ITS OBIOUS THAT HE IS JUST MAD BECAUSE HE BROKE UP WITH YOU AND HE CANT GET BACK WITH YOU. JUST TRY TO BE CALM WHEN YOU SEE HIM PRETEND HE IS NO THEIR BECAUSE IF YOU PAY ATTENTION TO HIM AND HE SEES YOU DOING IT HE IS GOING TO BE WORST HE IS GOING TO THINK THAT YOU STILL CARE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT THATS WHAT I CAN TELL YOU FROM MY POINT OF VIEW....BUT GOOD LUCK....
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male
reader, romance_boy18 +, writes (7 April 2009):
 think of it, he feels hurt in someway and hes trying to avoid that by ignoring you. id feel hurt if i got out of a great relationship and i saw my ex, id just ignore her and not smile, i wouldn't be mean or anything
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