A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've started having feelings towards a really close friend of mine, we've been friends for almost 8 years. He's told me he loves me, like more than friends and we both like eachother but i dont know what to do.I dont want to get with him incase it ruins our friendship, but part of me is thinking try it, but i dont want to try it and it turning out wrong.I dont know how to tell him i dont want a relationship yet, and i dont want to risk one with him.Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2011):
 I would go for it if I was you. You feel the way you feel for a reason, and friendship is the very best foundation for a relationship. What can you risk more with him that you would risk less with someone else? Would it be easier to be in a relationship with someone you don't know as well, don't have strong feelings for? Would that make it hurt less in case there was a break-up?
To break up hurts, no matter who you break up with. The boyfriends I have had were at the time my closest friends as well. We were intimate together, we told each other our innermost things and secrets, showed each other our weak sides, depended on each other. When we broke up it hurt bad, I lost someone I loved, lost someone I was close to, lost that intimate connection. I lost a friend as well, because they were the number one person in my life at the time. It wasn't easier to leave them, cut them out of my life, just because we hadn't been friends for 8 years prior.
And as it stands, I have been in a relationship with a man I was friends with for years prior. And we broke up in a decent manner, and there are no hard feelings. A break up is still hard though! It takes time to let the feelings calm down, to heal, to kick out the romantic feelings you have towards that person. But it can be done. It can take a few years, but it can be done. As long as the breakup was a decent one. You follow the steps of "how to get over someone", and you get through.
The things is... what happens if you decide to not be with him, when you have these feelings? What happens if he moves on to someone else, and you get eaten up by jealousy? What happens if you move on to someone else, and he still loves you as more than a friend? Will it hurt him less because you were never a couple?
Your friendship has already taken a different turn, because the feelings are more than friendly. Therefor your relationship will change either way. You can deny it, and pretend it wont, but it will. Either you work to get over each other while pretending to not care for each other as more than friends, or you fall even harder for each other and hurt even more because you deny yourselves to be together, or you... give it a shot.
Give this some time and see what path is the right one for you. But seeing that he is your friend, and probably will be in your life for some decent amount of time, there will be times where you will think "what if, what could have been".
A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (10 July 2011):
just be honest with him its the only thing you can do but yoy never know maybe you will be good together
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A
female
reader, kkgrly  +, writes (10 July 2011):
I was in a very simiar situation last year. We ended up deciding to date but promised to stay friends no matter what. After six months we decided we were actually better as freinds. We gave each other a couple days and then things pretty much went back to normal. So basically i´m saying, if you decide to pursue a relationship talk about how if you break up you´ll still be friends. And if you dont break up you will have a lasting relationship and be very happy, cause you don´t have to build the friend ship thing up first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): My fiance and I started the same way. He loved me, and I didn't reciprocate. He waited for me for three months after telling me his feelings for me, and then finally said he couldn't do it anymore. I made the next move to keep him in my life, and now I'm head-over-heels in love.
If you don't give it a shot, you will lose him. Maybe not right away, but having such strong feelings for someone and not having the opportunity to act on them is painful. He might be able to hang on for a little while because he doesn't want to lose you either, but eventually it will become too much heartache and hurt.
If you give it a shot and it doesn't work out, at least you'll know that you tried. You can't lose anything by trying, but you could lose everything by not trying. Just give it a shot and see what happens =) Good luck!
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A
female
reader, van1llabeeen87 +, writes (10 July 2011):
 Some of the best relationships start out as friendships. If you're going to marry someone they need to be your true love and your best friend. Just something to think about. Also, you're young and if things don't work out with you two it wasn't meant to be...it's very rare that male/female best friends actually stay 'just' best friends forever..
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