A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,How can I argue to my parents that I don't want to follow their religion any more?We talked about Islam recently and they say I MUST follow it "for my own good" although I said I was atheist. My siblings are all being mean and pushy to me and calling me immature. If I do not agree with anything they say, "I'm not old/experienced enough to understand." Please help! I'm really depressed. :(
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male
reader, mohammed khurram  +, writes (16 February 2009):
hi,
well at ur age i dont really think its an issue. u see no 1 i say no 1 can force u to be either a muslim nor anyother. u see i myself is a muslim but few years back i was no better then a spoiled one. no 1 was able to make me follow islam or anyother religion but then one day i talked to myself that who iam am i cristian or a jew or what well got to be some1 cause my identity was being lost then i studied islam again and found it to be best for me so now iam proudly tring to be a good muslim but with my own willing. no parents want bad for their child if u would have been in a cristian family iam sure they would have done the same cause they concider it good for u so dont worry parents are that way. you just focuse on ur studies and rest keep aside. and iam sure u will find the right path for urself at the right time so chill little one and parents are always extra caring so dont worry salam to u and ur family
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): As you can see babes, many of us British folk have been through this religious battle. Some of us are Christian, some Muslim and some atheist like you. There is a good reason to educate yourself in a religious tradition. It helps you develop reasoning and understanding about things that school may not teach. It helps you develop your own strong morality, which is yours and yours alone. Whether you are religious or not, whilst you are living under your parents roof, it is important to respect them and try to honour them. But in your heart, in your head, you can believe whatever you want, and as soon as you are 18 and well over the age of consent, they can no longer force their beliefs on you.I am an ex Christian, and had to fight to get my atheist views accepted. But I went to church, read my bible so I knew how to challenge all the crap they tried to preach to me. Learning religion is a good thing, believing in it is something completely different.Be sensible, bide your time, it's a very small thing to ask, to make your parents and family happy for this little short time. Sorry about that nonsense about "honour killing" the woman comes from another country and truly dose not understand. USA and other countries have freedom of religion, the UK is very different and therefore compromise is necessary whilst you are still at a young age. I've been there babes, take this time to learn why you want to reject religion and your time will come.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): I was raised a Catholic and even though its not the same religion, religious families and breaking from the status quo still apply enough so that I feel I can give you some advice.
Like i said, I was raised Catholic... went to Mass and Sunday school every week, more religious classes during the week, worked for the priests as my after-school job and was song leader. And the more I learned about all religions, the more Agnostic I became (I believe in God, but do not subscribed to any religion). Problem was, of course, the more Agnostic I became, the less I wanted to do all te things I was doing for the Church (naturally) and I damn sure couldn't tell my mother, "I'm not going to Mass because I think its all a load of bunk." You're braver than I was, in that you said anything at all.
In any case, the only thing I could do was wait until I graduated high school, went off ot college and was able to do my own thing. Which I have ever since.
To this day, my mother will still call and ask if I went to Mass this Sunday and how I should really go to Mass and blah blah blah... I just tuned it out.
My advice to you, is while you are still young and living in your parents' home, do what your religion dictates, even though you don't believe in it. But I'm sure there are things that can be learned from it (like, one poster below said about honoring your parents... that's not a bad lesson to learn and God knows more kids ought to do it). After all, being an Atheist (or Agnostic) doesn't mean we've abandoned all sense of morality, so having some kind of religious training is good for a moral foundation. So, take the good lessons from it to help form you into the best person you can be and when you're an adult, do what you want, religion-wise.
And don't talk religion with religious people, you'll never get through to them since the foundation of their beliefs is blind faith. Just learn what you have to learn, bide your time, and when you become an adult, then you can follow your own path.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, geoz +, writes (14 February 2009):
HiI'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am from a Muslim family too and I have also been through similar issues with my family. Not because I don't believe in the faith but because culturally, we are very different in our approach to faith and religion. You can PM me if you like to talk through this in private and I will try to see your point of view.There is an excellent book by Reza Aslan that I think you will find illuminating. It's called "No God, but God".I did have strong opinions when I was about your age but one thing I have found as I have matured (I'm now 33) is that you need to feel comfortable in yourself about what you do or don't believe. I've had many arguments along these lines with my nieces and nephews. I guess you have to ask yourself what faith gives you. If being an atheist helps you be a whole person, then that's what you feel. But, I also think that sometimes, parents from countries in the Indian sub-continent are using culturally conservative values to reinforce their religion rather than looking at it independently. The best thing to do is read about it to see what you feel is the truth. Educate yourself and that will give you the confidence to make valid points rather than heated arguments. Ultimately, you don't have to say anything to your family - just be there and let them take care of you right now but when you are an adult, you'll have more scope to make your own choices.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (14 February 2009):
 Do you have a "secular imam" that you can talk to? I know the phrase sounds paradoxical, but there are preachers (of any religion) that may be help you to explain some religious issues that you have a hard time coming to grips with, in a "language" that you can easily digest. In Islam, actually it is ultimately between you and Allah. Not between you and your family/friends. But it had to come from your own convictions. And yes, it is a long process of self-discovery in one's life. People change or convert their religion even to their dying breath, at any age. You are not alone, and it is a process that many people go through in their lives. So don't sweat it now. Keep a low profile if necessary, even simply for pragmatic reasons. When you are in college or have your own place, then you can easily voice your opinions a bit louder than now.Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Auntie Stoned this isn't the place for a slagging match, but you basically just told a 13-15 year old "depressed" girl to run away from home, because you think she's going to be "honour killed" by her family and you imply that this is normal practice in European Muslim communities. And you're calling me ignorant?! Did you read her question at all, or did you just see "muslim" and think run away!!!
I thought your first piece of advice was ignorant and there are others who agree, but after your last comment it seems you are also either prejudiced or extremely niave, I don't know which is more dangerous.
Anyway that said this is an answer post and as such this should be directed to the asker of the question, to you I say don't listen to a word of what Auntie Stoned has said, what she's saying is sensationalist bullshit as you well know.
Don't run away from home like she suggests and you know you have nothing to fear from your parents doing anything crazy along the lines of what she thinks is "normal Muslim behaviour", she has a highly flawed perception of Islam.
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A
female
reader, Auntie Stoned  +, writes (14 February 2009):
Apparently somebody is being low in the department of IQ. I'm aware of where she is from. It happens too often in Europe and England is in Europe. Ever heard of honour killing? Bet you never because you are hiding in your nutshell thinking that you know Europe and Islam better than me? Open your eyes and your mind to what happens in the muslim communities in Europe before spewing your ignorance in here.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): The best atheists are people who study all religions. How can you know what you are rejecting, if you have no understanding about what is on offer. Religion is interesting, you don't have to believe in what they believe, but there is no harm in learning all you can. Then when you are older you will be able to explain clearly and with confidence why you reject religion and why you think that it's not for you. Go and study, but keep your own beliefs to yourself, until you are old enough to leave home and follow the life that you want to.Unfortunately many religious people still don't understand that if they have to force you to go to their temples,mosque and churches, if they force you to read their books and believe in their gods, they have already lost. Love of religion should come from the heart. Go learn all about the things that you want to reject.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): I think Auntie stoned either didn't look at the flag beside your name or is just ignorant!
Pay no attention to what she said as it is completely ridiculous.
Seems like she thinks your family is the taliban or something.
"Get out of that house and seek help from authority and shelter at the missionary" is the most stupid piece of advice I have heard on this website and I have voted to remove her answer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): You have the right to choose your religion. I do believe in God and nobody will ever change that for me. It is your choice never let anybody tell you that your opinions are wrong, they are your own thoughts and feelings. It does not matter what they think in the long run you are the person who is going to have to live with your choices, whether they are right, wrong, or indifferent. I personally do not agree with your choice to be an atheist but that is not for me to decide. Your parents and family is obviously concerned about you, and they want what is best for you. They love you and care about you and it probably hurts them that you do not want to go down the same path as them. You must follow your own path and decide what is best for you. Tell them that maybe one day you will follow their beliefs but for now you are going to believe what you think is right for you. Try not to let it get you down. I do think that maybe you should try exploring different religions, study the history of them, try to find out what aspect is most believable to you. I am still struggling with what is written in my bible. However I belive that God is the alpha and the omega that he put us on this earth, for whatever reason. I believe that we must do good by him believe that we will have eternal life and salvation if we follow the correct path, and that if we choose the wrong path it is an eternity of fire and brimstone. It's just all the rest of the bible that has me wondering. I would also tell your parents that you are trying to find out who you are right now and that they need to just let you be about your choice and you just need some time to decide what you are doing.
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A
female
reader, Auntie Stoned +, writes (13 February 2009):
Sounds like you are not going anywhere arguing with your family. I have heard of many cases in muslim community whereby those who refused to embrace Islam were punished in various form. Get out of that house and seek help from authority and shelter at the missionary. You dont have to follow your family religion. Nobody can force religion on you. Everyone has the right to choose his own belief.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): At your age I'm afraid you are stuck, best to just play along with the customs of Islam and not bring it up if you can help it.
I mean you can do little private things to be true to yourself, like having something sneaky to eat during daylight on Ramadan etc. you can't argue your case plausibly yet because of your age and the fact that you still rely heavily on your parents.
If I understand correctly respect for your parents and family is a very important aspect of Islam, you're not old enough yet to be independent so you will just have to bide your time.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 February 2009):
They want what is best for you and to them, having Islam is best.
I mean, going through life with complete faith that there is someone there for you, someone to hear your prayers, someone to watch over you and guide you... that's got to be pretty nice.
I do not believe in religion but I can sometimes envy those who do.
Rather than arguing simply state that you respect them and their faith. Avoid the whole issue.
It's crap I know but when we reach your age we naturally start finding our own way in life, and since you are stuck with your parents for now, but may not agree with them then that can feel pretty rubbish.
Just know that we all go through this in one way or another, it's natures way of starting to prepare us for life alone in the real world.
It won't last for ever.
In the mean time enjoy having people around you who can teach you about their faith. Just because you don't believe in a God doesn't mean that the teachings are all rubbish.
I was raised Christian, and although I do not believe that there are a bunch of saints etc staring at me while I am on the loo, I do think that Jesus's main message of "Be Excellent To One Another!" is a good one to live by.
Good Luck!! xx
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