A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's this girl that I used to fancy a couple months ago. I had a very intense crush on her, so I talked to her and asked her out. The first time she rejected me by saying that her boyfriend wouldn't want her to hang out with any other guys. The second time I asked her out, she said that we could but it would have to be with a group of people. I took that as a rejection as well. Even after the two times I got rejected, I still liked her very much and was willing to keep trying, until I found out who her boyfriend was. He's actually a very good friend of mines. They kept thier relationship secret for unknown reasons. I'm not the type of guy to step on my friend's toes so I back off. . .completely. I knew that the only way to stop feeling anything for her was to not talk to her anymore. She noticed how I stopped flirting with her and she would make comments about me acting different. She would poke me in the back several times while walking by as well. After seeing no reaction out of me she decided to stop talking to me as well. That was a few months ago. Now just a while back, I overheard one of her friends saying that she had broken up with her boyfriend. I really had no positive emotions to that because I still felt it was a line I shouldn't cross.But lately, she's been staring at me a lot. It could be nothing but while working, I would notice her staring at me while walking by. Almost every chance encounter we have, she would stare into my direction. She's a shy person by nature so I keep wondering if she's expecting me to flirt with her again. To be honest, I still do like her but I don't want to flirt with her again because I feel that I am entitled to a little dignity seeing as how she already turned me down twice. I'm not exactly excited for a third time.What should I do? I really just want to leave the situation alone and see if she'll start talking to me on her own. I feel that if she can't at least start a conversation with me then I'm always going to be the one trying to win her affection. What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bubblegum12  +, writes (13 June 2012):
just be friendly and make it clear that you like her butit is up to her to make the first move. maybe try asking her out again but casualy so you dont come on too keen.
i wish u luck
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (11 June 2012):
Given that you asked her out twice, you’ve made it clear to her that you have feelings for her. She can’t reasonably expect you to make the first move every time, the ball is in her court now if she has changed her mind. Still, even if she does, she’s not putting any effort in to winning you over, what does this tell you about how she might be in the relationship? Even if you did go out with her, it would play on your mind that you had to do all the chasing, and you’d have the insecurity of having been turned down first, whilst she dated your friend. To be honest, it’s up to this girl now to pursue you, if she wants to. That doesn’t mean staring at you, it means making the effort to talk to you and explain how, and why, things have changed to make her interested. As it sounds unlikely that she’s going to do this, I’d keep a polite distance, be friendly but don’t flirt with her. Whether she’s playing games or just being very shy isn’t clear, but if you want to be with some-one you’ve rejected twice, you’ve got to put a real effort in to fighting for that person. If she doesn’t, there’s no future for you anyway. Don’t hold out for something that might never happen, try to move on from her.
I wish you all the very best.
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