A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been chatting to a man online for a few months now, he seemed ok and I would offer him advice as he had mental problems...he has a borderline personality so I did google the illness and realised that people who suffer from that tend to act on impulse, go up and down in mood swings and they can't sustain relationships for too long because of their mood swings etc, anyway the last couple of nights he said he started to get feelings for me and we ended up talking sexual...I was turned on by it but he wanted to meet up with me, he lives in Devon and I live in London,he has become so intense that things are happening too far...I'm worried now that if I say I don't want this, he will send our text messages to Facebook for everyone to read....I don't want to block him because he is a nice person but I'm freaking out now because he will take my rejection very badly....What way shall I handle this?
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female
reader, -BMBTL- +, writes (7 August 2014):
 As Honeypie has said you don't REALLY know the guy and moving fast, by adding people onto Facebook can completely be a game changer. Considering it is a personal thing, getting to know someone then 'letting them into your world' can cause problems.
As you started talking in 'that way', then I feel you only have yourself to blame in a sense, as surely speaking like that would insinuate that you 'wanted him in that way', as opposed to 'just a friend'. That is what he would have thought.
As that isn't the case on your end, it is a sticky situation as you feel guilty for 'leading him on', but you now need to be firm and fair, explain to him that he is being too intense.
If he takes it badly, then he may actually delete you and move on to someone else, or if he doesn't block you then see his response, and maybe stay silent for a couple of days then block him.
These are the problems with online 'relationships', it can become very intense in a very short space of time and is hard to back out of if you don't want it to go any further etc.
I wish you luck in this situation however :)
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (7 August 2014):
 Well if you think he will freak out then you will need to let him down easy rather than be upfront like I would normally suggest. Tell him this is going too fast for you and you want to slow it down, you aren't sure what you want right now. Then gradually phase him out. Take a long time to respond to texts, say you are busy, make excuses. After a short amount of time, explain you don't want a relationship and apologize. If he flips out then block him. If he posts the texts online HE will look like the immature fool here, not you. You are both adults, I don't see a lot of people jumping on his bandwagon.
Unfortunately this is a risk you take with sending things of a sexual nature, either pictures or texts. The person you are sending to must be someone you trust implicitly. And even then there is a risk of your sexual conversations getting into the wrong hands in the future if things go sour. If it happens there is nothing you can do about it to my knowledge, only be careful next time. Don't beat yourself up over it or worry too much about it. If it happens it happens and no amount of worrying will change it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2014):
 Well, this is what happens when people move too fast. You added him to your PERSONAL Facebook without really knowing him and now you are trying to figure out how to "get rid" of him politely...
I would STOP texting and talking anything sexual. YOU DO NOT know him. Talking a "few" months online doesn't equate KNOWING someone. The fact that you now have the worry of him POSTING stuff that was PRIVATE and PERSONAL between you two pretty much shows how little you know this guy.
Secondly, I would TELL him he is too intense or moving to fast for you.
If you DO not think he is a keeper, then DO NOT string him along out of pity.
Tell him you have thought long and hard about the two of you and you can't see anything happening and maybe it's time to part ways, THEN you can block, delete, whatever, on Facebook.
There might BE a reason he is looking online for company, maybe he doesn't DO relationships well at all, and maybe, just like you he thought it would be a fast and easy way to meet someone.
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