A
female
age
30-35,
*amJess
writes:I've been with someone for a year and a little bit now, and we broke up and its been about two months, we still see each other and things and try and act normal, but we still do things with other people which may be weird. I don't want to be with him but I don't like the thought of him with anyone else, and without the little bit on the side what we are like messing around it would feel weird. I don't know whether thats cruel and whether we should just be friends, he always asks questions like if were going to get serious again or if were going to go anywhere and that he wont get involved with anyone else because of me, and I never know what to say but deep down I know I don't want to be serious with him.I don't know whether its time to let go, and let us find something else, its all too serious and thats not for me right now.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 November 2012):
 I think it is selfish (but understandable) how you feel, but you really need to be realistic.
By "pretending" to be friends you are BOTH holding yourself and each other back from moving on. And you re kind of stringing him along if he think there is a chance of starting back up together. BE HONEST with him. Don't let him think he;s got a shot at it, if you know for a fact that you DO NOT want him back.
End it in a nice way and I would suggest you two go non-contact for a bit. What you have now is not friendship - it's a "I don't know what else to do so we do this" kind of relationship.. Been there done that, NOT worth it.
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (30 November 2012):
 He's still clinging onto hope that he will get back together with you. Stringing him along because you don't want him to be with anyone else is cruel and childish. I don't know why you wouldn't want him to be happy if you care about him. Maybe you think it's good to have someone to fall back on so you keep him around.
I think you should act like a grownup and be honest with him. Tell him you're not interested and you think it would be better if you both go your seperate ways so he can get over you and find someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Well it sounds to me that you have no other choice but to let him go if you've already made your mind up that you don't want him back. Friends wouldn't be a good idea as it wouldn't be fair on him if he's still holding on to a little bit of hope that you and he might get back together.
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