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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi I need some serious advice on an incident that has really hurt me. I need the honest blunt truth pleaseMy boyfriend is visiting from overseas we've been going out for 2years- oneyr was long distance. we're faithful to one another. but no one knows about us. I haven't even met his family, nor he met mine.His brother,"sister inlaw" will be expecting a baby any minute now, so I understand that he might be busy. Although he's been here for a week I've only seen him once.We were suppossed to meet this morning to spend the day together, and he was waiting to borrow his uncles car, but he didn't get it, and instead his sister went to fetch him, as he tld people that he was going to mall to do some shopping."our meeting was a little secret" I was at the mall waiting for him, when he calls telling me that his sister will be going to fetch him and they'll both be going shopping, so he said that he'd ask her to drop him off in another mall as he would be meeting up with a friend, "me" later, so he told me to meet at the other mall, "so in short i had to run away to not be seen." like a dirty secret i was very hurt and angry but got over it quickly. he said that he'd be an hour or so.I waited in the other mall very paciently for over 5hrs and during this time I called-he didn't answer and texts he didn't answer I spent my whole day waiting. I called him several times sent several texts, eventually he sends a message from his sisters number saying that they're having lunch and he wont rush her, and that he is very annoyed and upset and he doesn't want to meet with me because i called him him so many times because he has told me hundreds of times that when he cant answer it means that he is busy. I asked to please meet him and he said no that he is very annoyed and that he wont rush her.Im angry and hurt im the dirtyy secret... he is cross with me when im the one that was left hanging aroung in the mall for several hours waiting for the gods to say that he is on his way.I'm angry with him, don't want to talk to him, problem is he's leaving in a weeks time. we love each other and planned to marry. i was so excited this morning that i'd be seeing him, and now he has cracked my heart again. He makes me feel as though im not important and that i have no reason to be angry ne hasn't seen his family for a year, but what about me. when i tell him these things he doesnt talk to me, and i find myself running back and saying sorry.What should i do? am i being messed around, im hurt and feel sick and hurt that know he wont talk to me because i've been selfish and inconsiderate.What should i do please please help.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 I think you have posted about this a couple of times, and you are still having the same problem.
I think you are being treated this way beacuse your b/f hasn't told anyone about his sexuality and you basically are his secret!
You live close to his friends and family, too close for comfort I think, time to find someone who will be glad to be seen with you,and includes you in their life.
Let him go away and find someone where his is living at the moment, he won't have to hide them from anyone then, and you can get on with your life. Breaking up with him can't be any more hurtful than the way he is treating you now, you will eventually get over him, stay with him and you will keep getting hurt till he "comes out".
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 You don't mention it but i'm assuming you are gay (the site says you are male, and you are talking about your boyfriend). Is it possible that he doesn't want you to meet his family because he hasn't come out to them? Perhaps they are very traditional and would have a very hard time dealing with it?
If you are female, then that can't be the reason. He may have some particular reason why... have you asked him directly why this is? If he doesn't give you a clear answer I would be a little suspicious to be honest. It could be that he has another girlfriend and is trying to carry on two relationships at once... (which I really hope isn't true).
Either way, you shouldn't feel you are being selfish here. He needs to give you a clear reason (that you can accept) about why he is behaving this way, or he needs to change his behaviour.
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