A
female
age
36-40,
*tarfish_2xtreme
writes:Hi everyone,Need some advice. My fiance and i have been 2gether for 3years. Recently things have got really bad. All he does is smoke weed and not seem to have much of a future. Im 21 and he's 34. Friends of ours are getting married in a few weeks and i suggested we start planning our own wedding. We've done that one night. I'm so excited im always looking online and trying to get him to book a date with me but he says I'm nagging. He uses all my stuff with no respect. He uses my car for work and smokes in it so when i use it (non smoker) it stinks! I've given him a phone with unlimited mins and texts but he insists on using mine sometimes, he wont help me clean the house so i have to do it on my days off. I know in a relationship we compromise each others faults or imperfections but this is a joke now. I've had to take the car off him today as he hasn't put petrol in it so i cant use it. He promised me he'd take it to have the faults checked on it too and he hasn't. He just doesn't seem bothered anymore. I cheated on him in December because i was drunk and felt unappreciated. He's forgiven me and i will never cheat again but what do i do?! There's not much more i can take, i dont want to be made out the bad guy to his friends for taking the car off him but iv got no choice. HELP!!!!
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Cheating on him because he was not appreciative of you was wrong. If you had unprotected sex, you might have caught STD, which you would then pass on to your fiance. In this case, you are indeed the bad guy. (the next time you are going through a big problem in your relationship, will you be cheating again?)
You fiance stinking up your car with his cigarettes, and generally taking advantage of your "stuff" (car, phone, house) was wrong too. If he did not contribute to anything to the maintenance and expenses of these "stuff", while in fact he is still - lets say, for the sake of the argumen - an able bodied person, then in this case, he is the bad guy. Just think, when the car breaks dow because (no petrol, engine broken down), that basically means that he does not have a car to drive, right?
This is probably a bad analogy, but I'll use it anyway: think of a relationship as a "car". It needs maintenance (mutual committment), it needs cleaning (support to each other), it needs petrol and oil (love and respect) to run. If you don't have these, your GPS probably will tell you to let the freeloading passenger (your fiance) get out of the car. You sound like you are already overworked, while he is out with lads, enjoying himself. That is not a compromise at all.
My only advice is, either tell your fiance to get a job and be a responsible person that he should be, and respect you as person, or leave you in peace. Yes, that means, breaking your engagement. Unless, of course, both of you are willing to go for couple's counselling to work this out between yourselves.
Hope you this resolved soon.
Cat
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