A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a wife and am happily married but during my own time I'm constantly fantasizing about her having sex with other men, particularly big black men. It turns me on thinking that she is enjoying/ pleased more especially as they have a bigger penis. It is the only thing I think about when masterbating nowadays.I look on internet for images/videos of women who look similar to her in looks and body getting sexually pleased.eg i look at image of a black man's big hand slipping into sheer panties and the look of enjoyment on ladys face makes me spill pre-cum.I sometimes put wife's panties on when she's not home during these fantasies.I dont get it as i don't think i want it to happen in real life, but i cum loads just thinking about it.Am i normal, does anyone have similar issues. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2015):
 I can assure you that you are totally normal.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 April 2015):
 Hi
You are utterly normal.
And people who give themselves permission to imagine and explore (in their minds) their fantasy through their minds often make better lovers as they are willing to relax enough to introduce a little fantasy.
The biggest sexual organ you have is your brain. Authors make use of their brain to created fiction that takes us into other worlds. And a rare few make millions of dollars too.
All because they can visualize places and situation we may never want to be a part of, in real life, yet millions eagerly read the fiction as it is often so compelling, cannot put it down fiction.
Your own sexual fantasies are your own. Sometimes a partner might be well and truly shocked by the fantasies.
But if you choose to keep the fantasy as your very own secret fantasy then your secret is completely safe with you.
Many people choose to have a series of fantasies they employ when they want to masturbate.
The fantasy might be as simple as wearing clothing that the person would never wear in real life. Or speaking (in their head) in words that the person would never normally use.
Some can even masturbate fully clothed, and without touching anything, just by allowing their mind to enter the fantasy and allowing their body to relax to the point of arousal and climax all generated by allowing their imagination to do the rest.
While your fantasies reside in your mind you remain in total control and you direct the pace and intensity of the action. And you can stop the action any time it suits you.
Don't feel ashamed of this action. Be proud that you can relax suffiently to ensure that you can do this.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (26 April 2015):
 What you describe is a fetish called "cuckolding" and as you have no doubt discovered, you are far from the only man to have this fetish. The videos you have found that suit your taste exist BECAUSE enough people are turned on by this scenario to give such videos an audience.
If no one was into that, adult filmmakers wouldn't bother making porn about it.
It is completely normal to be curious about or even actively interested in porn acts you would not want to try in real life. Porn is fantasy. In fact it is probably BEST for your marriage that this interest of yours remains strictly that - fantasy. If your wife doesn't also have a secret desire for sex with "big black men," bringing this up to her would make her very uncomfortable.
Good luck and best wishes!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 April 2015):
 fantasy is just that...fantasy. We men have dozens of sxual fantasies every hour of every day. As long asou can seperate fantasy from reaity, there's no real harm it. It's when the line gets blurry you need to run to a doc
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 April 2015):
 My husband is like this except he doesn't look at porn and won't fit in my panties. In reality he is paranoid that I will run off with a black guy, and believes that if any woman could, they would be in a relationship with a black guy because sex is better.
I will play along with talking dirty but my mind would not be thinking about a black guy. I want him to know that good sex comes from being in the moment and enjoying the sensations, not imagining someone else.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 April 2015):
 Fantasies in of themselves are not harmful and they are an expression of erotic things that, most of the time, we would never do. On the other hand, your pursuit of such images feeds your fantasy so that those images are an attempt on your side to justify that such fantasy is actually OK to be done in reality.
Sharing your wife with another man or "cuckold" situation often leads to an outcome such that your wife quickly becomes your ex-wife.
As for wearing her panties, it is a fetish, much like women who wear their man's dress shirts. People have various things that excite them about the woman's panties: the fact that it's on vagina, the odor, the color, the fact that it was on the body you desire ... what have you. Like all erotic things, it is up to us to control them so they don't become obsessions and compulsions.
So like the other poster Aisan said, off the panties, off the website. Instead, open communications with your wife and find ways so that both of you can be Givers in the bedroom seeking to please one another rather then seeking to please your self. The fantasies and the fetish you have is the self-pleasing mechanisms but for a great marriage and overdrive sexual satisfaction focusing on what pleases her and her in what pleases you is the surest way to up the notch on sexual pleasure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015): I agree with the other post.
Keep these to minimum, there is nothing wrong in fantasies esp the one you describe, but it seems this could take over and more time/thought given to such fantasies and less time and energy to the real person your wife!
Also I would suggest be open about it either way to her, so you are both on the same page and she can be of any support you need also.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (26 April 2015):
IT’s certainly not unheard of to be turned on by the thought of your partner with some-one else. Thoughts like that really should remain as thoughts though. However if you’re putting her panties on and looking on the internet, you’re beginning to keep things from her. What are you going to do if she finds out you’re putting her panties on? How will you explain it? I’m afraid the internet is feeding this fantasy: you can find images that make the fantasy seem that little bit more real to you. I’m afraid you’ve got to stop indulging it: do not visit the web sites, and keep out of your wife’s wardrobe! To think something isn’t a crime, but the more you stop doing anything about it, the easier it becomes to recognise that it has only a destructive potential. Some might say I’m getting carried away, particularly given that you have acknowledged it won’t happen in real life. I certainly don’t judge anyone on their fantasies or fetishes, because we don’t have that much control over the chemicals raging through our bodies. However, your focus on a fantasy may well take your focus away from how you can get the most from your sex life with your wife, and making it better for both of you by communicating openly about this. I’m afraid the answer to this is, quite simply, restraint: out of the wardrobe, off the web sites.
I wish you all the very best.
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