A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, thanks for taking the time to answer this question, as much help as possible would be great.First off, I work with this guy in the same pub. We met this way, and started dating. We then soon got together.I have now been with him for 6/7 months, and don't get me wrong, he treats me like a princess. He does everything for me, buys me flowers, takes me places. All my family love him to pieces and my godparents get along with him very well too and are even planning a suprise 18th birthday party for him!!However, nobody sees the bad side to this relationship. He reads my texts, scrolls down my facebook every night, reads through my phonebook and asks why I have different lads numbers (even though I never text any of them), he looks over my shoulder when I text/online chat and worst of all, he hates it when I spend ONE day away from him. I told him before that he was too clingy, and he backed off for abit, but now he's back to how he was.I have to admit, during the process that we were getting together, I kissed somebody else. This was mainly because I wanted my last bit of fun before going into a relationship, which was wrong, and I told him all this.But now, he hates me going out with my friends without him. He hates me talking to lads who I have been friends with for about 5 years. He's looking over my shoulder 24/7 and I feel like I can't breathe! I feel like I'm married and I'm only 16 years old!I've spoken to my friends about this. They all said that he is too clingy and I should finish things with him. However, my twin sister said I should stay with him (but i think thats because he's like a brother to her). I don't know what to do. All my friends go out and have fun without a care in the world, but when i go out I get phonecalls and texts every second. It's ridiculous. I've told him so many times that these other lads aren't as amazing as he is, but he carries on. It really bugs me because he gets clingier and clingier, wants to know what I'm doing everyday.I also feel like I NEED to be with him for the sake of my family. Sometimes, they talk to him more than they talk to me. I just get blanked out, which irritates me aswell.But I sometimes wish I could not care; go out with my friends, talk to who I want, do what I want and not have anyone lurking behind my shoulder. I also don't have time to do a lot of school work because he's always round. I'm a person who likes my freedom but thought I was ready to settle down.However, if he got with someone else it would crush me, and I don't know why. He does a lot for me and I wouldn't wanna hurt him. But its hard.help...
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male
reader, ClearEyes  +, writes (9 March 2011):
I'd be just as bad if I knew my girlfriend has cheated on me while the relationship was in its infancy. You created this situation for yourself.While he is overreacting and exhibiting troubling signs like the last aunt said, you need to realize that "having fun" can be devastating to the male ego. Keep that in mind when you find your next boyfriend, hopefully one a bit less controlling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): You must always trust your instincts, and right now they are telling you his behaviour is not normal. It is not!
He has taken the time to get your family on side, and they know nothing of his other disturbing behaviours. You must tell them. Don't let anyone diminish how you feel, your concerns are entirely valid.
His behaviour will only worsen as time goes on, just as your spirit and personality will be damaged and diminished.
Ditch him as soon as possible and get on with enjoying your young life.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 March 2011):
 You cannot stay with a man just to please your family and friends. He is showing some very dangerous characteristics of being needy, dependent and jealous. This amounts to controlling behaviour and you are just casually dating right now. You should see the danger signs - I am married and my husband would never check my phone or my emails, it would mean he didn't trust me and then I would know the relationship had no basis. Many cases of domestic violence start out with controlling behaviour before escalating to something serious. Perpetrators are often wonderful charmers to the outside world but have another side to their personality that only their victim knows about. I appreciate you are 16 and cannot be expected to be worldly-wise but listen to your mates, his behaviour is wrong - he hasn't changed after you asked and you need to leave him before he makes your life very, very unhappy indeed. At 16 you should be out with your friends, establishing your young-adult life and living a bit - you cannot just rely on one person who evidently doesn't trust you.
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