A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Im dreading my Christmas present from my partner, it will be 'sexy underwear' i dont know why he keeps wasting his money because ive told him time and time again that i dont like it and it makes me feel cheap. I dont feel comfortable wearing it at all. It just sits in the draw until i have a clear out and i sell it on ebay. I just dont know how i can get through to him, id rather have something for the house that i actually need and is useful. The underwear he 'buys me' is really just a present for himself. I dont know what part of 'please dont buy me underwear for Christmas' doesn't he understand! Any ideas how i can get him to understand and not waste his money?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (23 November 2012):
 It's not about whether you feel sexy or not, it's about whether he is getting you something because he is thinking of you and your feelings or if he is thinking of himself. When he buys you lingerie it is because he is thinking about his own penis, not about what he can get you that you would enjoy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): "I dont know what part of 'please dont buy me underwear for Christmas' doesn't he understand!"'Please'"Any ideas how i can get him to understand and not waste his money?"Sorry, no. He knows exactly how you feel and he doesn't care. You either expect and tolerate it as a idiosyncratic quirk and don't interpret it as an overt gesture of disrespect and contempt, or you do not tolerate it as an overt gesture of disrespect and contempt representative of your overall relationship and the way he treats you on an ongoing daily basis.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comments, i will just sit him down and tell him if i still get them as a pressie then will hand them straight back. He would never dare have a mistress, he would lose everything! I know some of your are probably thinking that its good he finds me sexy but i would just feel like a cheap ^^^t wearing stuff like that, so that is why i would never wear it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 November 2012):
 When he hands you the present, just dismiss it with 'no thanks. I don't need any more sexy lingerie to have to get rid of'.
Nevermind his feelings. He set himself up for whatever he gets.
Or, you could pick an item that's easy to buy (easy for him), such as a gift card or something. Tell him if he won't get you that not to get you anything. Then leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (22 November 2012):
If talking hasn't helped, then more talking won't either. You've said all you need to say. They say it's the thought that counts. His gift speaks volumes about his thoughts.
My advice is, like others have said, simply don't accept the gift. Why should you have to fold the damn thing, store it and go to the bother of getting rid of it? That's work. Let him do it.
Since Christmas isn't about buying presents, why not just spend a nice evening together? Buy yourself something nice and let him do the same.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 November 2012):
I have nothing to add to what Aunty BimBim said except at the end you can remind him that sexy underwear is a gift for him, not a gift for you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2012):
 Does he wear boxers? buy him tighty whities.
does he wear briefs... buy him boxers.. big old cotton baggy ones...
and do exactly what Wise Aunty BimBim said.
and MAKE HIM REPEAT IT BACK.
I have to be honest sometimes it takes my husband 3 or 4 times of having the conversation and making it me repeat it before it sinks into my ADHD brain, espeically if I think I'm doing something good that makes me feel good (i.e. old bay seasoning in our fish cakes... I love it and he hates it. I made fish cakes 3 times this way (and every time he told me I hate old bay) before I remembered.... it's not that I don't love him and want to please him, I just have a steeper learning curve than normal.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2012):
 If he buy you another pair ask for the receipt and get a refund, buy something YOU like.
Or maybe you should buy him something a equally silly.. like these.. see how he likes that.
http://www.wildfree.com/prods/em3752.html#.UK41BIc7060
But most of all, like Auntie BimBim said, SIT him down and TALK to him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): My mum was the same with jewelry, no matter how often she pointed out that she didn't wear it, that was what she got for Christmas.
Really all you can do is to refuse the gift. You've told him several times how you feel, now show him how you feel!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 November 2012):
 Sit him down at the kitchen table, you sit beside him. You say "Fred" and make sure he is looking into your eyes and aware you are talking to him, if he looks away call his attention back by saying his name.
"Fred, I have something important to tell you. I don't want underwear from you for Christmas" if his eyes shift or he turns away, "Fred, are you listening to me?" and repeat it, then ask him what you have just said, and ask him to repeat it and then ask him if he understands.
If he ignores your request don't accept the gift, in fact if he has ignored your request for no undies several times I would have a pair of scissors handy, not saying anything on opening the present, just snip, snip, snip into little pieces, rewrap in the gift wrap and then give it back to him.
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A
female
reader, Lolly_Poll +, writes (22 November 2012):
How about ask him what he wants for Christmas? Say that you are struggling what to get him as a gift and want it to be special, so would like to know what he wants. So suggest that you both make a list of what you'd like for Christmas. He'll think you're trying to make his Christmas special, and will probably get something on the list because you've made the job easier for him. Hope that helps. Merry Christmas!!
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