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female
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anonymous
writes: Me and my partner have been together for 2 years and our relationship is based on oral sex.We have had full sex maybe 4 to 5 times over the 2 years. He tries but after a few minutes he loses his erection and then gives up. I can only orgasm through oral sex so he tends to concentrate on pleasing me and not making love to me, which i need. I have asked him if i can do anything differently and i have bought toys for him...but he says he hasnt got a problem and the more i want to talk the more uptight he gets. He is 48 and doesnt have a massive sex drive- i am 34 and in my prime!A lot of his friends take Cialis and i suggested that to him..but he says he doesnt need it. I have the coil fitted so he cant even be worried about getting me pregnant. I love him dearly but dont want our sex life to be oral forever! any suggestions??
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cialis, erection, oral sex, orgasm, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much for the telling me about the sex therapists web site ..i have just visited it and couldnt believe it when i read about ED..it was just my scenario down to a T. Im going to look up on the internet about ED. thanks so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit must have been a fluke but 3 days ago he sat down & asked me what was wrong etc...so i told him and he said that i woudl have to give him time etc, he has a lot running through his mind. I told him it had already been 2 years..then he said...maybe i need some viagra then and has lseft it to me to get some!!!!! BUT at now he has admitted he has a problem, we can start to work on it. We have been very close since. He has absolutely no problems at all with my hand helping him out etc !!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006): I found the website of the sex therapist I mentioned and it has some very helpful stuff in it. Don't worry, she works at a hospital and this is a respectable website:
www.victorialehmann.co.uk
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006): Me too! My boyfriend is exactly like yours. I know why and this issue can be complex. When he was married his wife did not let him orgasm inside her. She would not use contraception so he banned from that and had to do it outside. She also started refusing any physical contact at all for the last few years. He ate and drank too much and was very overweight. He has lost a lot of it and is taking exercise. He seems insatiable for sex at the moment and we are at it two to five times a day. He is able to orgasm inside me so long as it is the first one and before he has too much wine. He is worried about going soft, which does happen and this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. As soon as the thought goes through his head it makes it happen. I can see it getting worse so we have a plan to see a sex therapist. I know of a good one who has contacts with urologists. It is important to cover the medical and physical aspects. If we did it less perhaps he would not wilt but he seems determined to prove he can be the same as he was in his twenties. It could be either or both in our case. Did you know that diabetes and other conditions can cause it? Thank goodness he is willing to do something but I don't think he relishes the therapy idea!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 April 2006):
 He doesn'tlike talking about it. That suggests he is concerned about it but is trying to avoid it. That won't work. As far as reaching orgasm together during intercourse, most people don't. As you know, the clitoris usually needs to be stimulated for orgasm. This is sometimes difficult unless you're willing to MAKE it happen.
No msn wants to have this problem. We want to be great in bed. He needs to be honest with you and you with him. You will grow to resent him for this if he isn't willing to work on it.
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female
reader, Bella +, writes (10 April 2006):
Hi there, ok firstly apologies because i dont have an answer to your problem, i've only just met someone who i have been dating for a few weeks, and its been great!! hes is the nicest guy i have a dated in years and i do believe we have a genuine connection, hes 38 years old, i'm 33 and a couple of nights ago we spent the night together at mine for the first time, at first we were going a bit wild, getting worked up then saw he didnt have an erection. i thought it was a bit strange but it carried on the whole night!!! we had fantastic oral sex, but even when i went down on him it was so soft, i managed to get him to orgasm just once but it just wasnt happening for him. I've never come across this, he mentioned at the beginning of the night that he needed time to relax, and it would take a while, i didnt make a fuss at all, but i'm worried sick that this is going to be a future problem. I certainly dont want to make a deal of it just yet, but now i'm worried about the next time! Hes really enthusiastic, took a lot time over me, so i dont know...any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe does orgasm through oral sex...no prob...and he says that he has never had sex like it before..its fantastic. In the past when i have tried to bring up the issue..he says 'don't give me anymore to be stressed out about-i dont need to be thinking about that'. So he never answers me-but i need answers so we can try to sort it out. I want to sort it out so that i can try to sort my prob out aswell of not being able to orgasm through sex. We have only ever once both orgasmd together while having intercourse. Once in 2 years! what else can i do. I think i need to order the viagra for his friends as i usually do and suggest he takes one...and then if that doesnt work, i think that that maybe the answer and he may have a medical prob! what else can i do. i appreciate your help by the way- thanks
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (9 April 2006):
Maybe his conscious is bothering him because he cheated on his wife......
Does he orgasm when you give him oral. Does he seem to like it. I can't imagine not being able to reach orgasm through penetration. Honestly, there must be a medical issue because it feels great. Usually it's the other way around, orgasm to quickly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe just gives up before ejaculation!!.Then he will give me oral sex and and then i will orgasm, then i will perform oral sex on him..and thats it! i tell him that although i dont have an orgasm through intercourse,it is lovely having him make love to me because it is so special etc which it is and its nice to have that intimacy. I havent touched him for a week now as i am trying the approach of 'make him wait until he cant wait any longer'. When i met him he was married and he has now left his wife..so i have even put it down to stress..but now we are living together and very happy..but im running out of ideas. He doesnt really have a high sex drive..im losing enthusiasm and i dont want that to happen. We love each other very much. Like i said..all of his friends have to take Cialis or viagra as they are heavy drinkers..its just the lazy way out. My partner said he was going to get some ...to which i jumped in the air in glee in front of him and made a joke out of it. just dont know what else to do...im giving up as im exhausted out of trying..but because of that he says im not giving him any attention etc.
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (9 April 2006):
Does he loose his erection after he reaches orgasm or in the middle of intercourse? If he has reached orgasm, naturally he'll lose it for a while. The older you get, the longer a "while " becomes. Also, a few minutes of continual intercourse is probably in the range of normal for most men. If he feels you need more time of continual intercourse and he can't manage to give it to you, he might be stressed out by that. A man loves to know he's pleasing his lady. If he feels he's not pleasing you, it will hurt his self esteem.
I guess the important thing is what I began with. If he's ejaculating too soon, work on that. The are techniques. If it's just going soft, see the doctor.
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