| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: hi, i've been married for 3 years. i live in a conservative society where sex before marriage is not encouraged and not considered good... I myself am a person who does not approve of such reltionships... my husband and myself came to know eachother thru a common friend. we got engaged... After marriage, i found that my husband has sex with me just for the sake of doing it... he has strong sexual desires... but not physically attracted to me... so, basically there was no romance in our relationship.He would never hug me or even kiss me even while having sex.i started feeling very bad and asked him reason behind his behaviour and after much compulsion, he said "you dont put me on fire". Later on the 2nd year of marriage, i came to know that he has had pre marital sex with 2 or 3 women... Also, i happened to read a mail which he had sent to his friend telling him that our marital life is not smooth. he also wrote about his girlfriend who used to do oral sex for him and that he used to enjoy it fully. From that mail i came to know that the girl whom he mentioned in the mail was one whom he introduced to me as a good friend. We had been to her house several times. She used to call him frequently and i never had a trace of doubt in them. I felt that he cheated me.. I spoke to him about this and he said sorry and that he never did anything wrong after marrige. I would not have felt very bad on knowing his past if he had sexual interest in me. But his lack of interest make me feel insecure. Nowadays, we have sex once in a month or so. He is okay with that... Eventhough he has erections and the mood for sex, he just controls them and goes to sleep...I really feel very sad... I have tried all ways - improving my looks, dressing sexy, letting him have good rest...etc But he is the same... He would never even say that i look good...Other than this, our married life is good. We never fight with each other, never try to control eachother...We love each other very much.. so much that we cannot think of a divorce. We have been to counsellors twice, but it did not help much... Please give suggestions for improving our relation.
View related questions:
divorce, engaged, erection, insecure, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Angelicc  +, writes (9 April 2006):
 okay well, we all are frighten that our partners would compare our ex's and not be satisfed, thats not only in the sexual part of the relationship.
i agree with eddie that its weird that your husband as erections but prefers to just roll over and go to sleep then to be intermit with you.
Maybe dressing sexy, inproving your looks isn't the way because he obviously must of felt some attraction in the being of the relationship.
Maybe you need to put a little bit spice into your relationship. Maybe you need to be more sexual experimental, put a bit of varity into your sexual relationship.
Maybe try oral on him or him to go down on you, try using toys or different positions. maybe you need to try role play.
okay heres a few thing you can try,
Theres this vibrater that fits under the tounge it great for oral sex. which can be bought from any sex shop.
if he's really into oral he'll love the position 69.
There are a number of positions but if you look of the website http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com you find loads of good ones.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 April 2006):
 This sounds like there might be more to it then what appears on the surface. As a man, I find it strange that your husband gets erections but is quite happy to just role over and go to sleep. I don't think that's very common. Men don't "just" get erections for nothing usualy. There has to be a level of thought or desire happening to get one. ( thank god for that, we'd look ridiculous walking around town like that)
I can see how you feel insecure too. After knowing of this other woman from his past, you became aware that he does in fact have the ability to be interested in sex. Now you're struggling to find out what she was able to do that you can't achieve with him. This makes you question your worth in his eyes. No matter what he feels, it does not change your value as a person. Yo're valuable just because you are YOU.
It sounds like you've done the things that should make him desire to have sex. IS it possible he's cheating on you? Is it possible he's gay? Depressed? Was your marriage an arranged marriage? I'd be interested to hear what he told the counsellor and why you've stopped going.
...............................
|
