A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure if I have made the right decision here. I told my boyfriend of two years that I think we should take a break. I did this because I was really upset about this girl he talks to always hitting on him and coming onto him. I felt uncomfortable about their friendship and her flirty behavior with him. I hate to say it but she is known to be the 'slut' of the town, same as what people use to call her in highschool. I'm not saying it to be mean, but everybody calls her this, which is why it makes me even more uncomfortable. This is going to sound childish, but I don't want her to win. I don't want her to be the reason my relationship ends. I don't know why I am so upset about her friendship with my boyfriend, but I have really let it get the best of me.Did I do the right thing by taking a break from my boyfriend? Could I have handled this any differently? If me and him decide to work things out, should I tell him I don't want him talking to her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): Yes you did the right thing. Sometimes it hurts to make decisions that we know are in our best interest. It proves you are strong and smart. You are going to be a very strong woman who makes good decisions; and you will not let people do things that hurt you without consequences.We may like someone very much. It has to go two ways, they have to let us know that they like us as much as we like them. You will wonder if you made the best decision; because it will be hard to imagine losing them. If what they are doing hurts us, then we have to let them know that it isn't right, and they can't just take us for granted.You can have any boy you want; but he has to treat you right. You have to feel good about being with him. He has to respect you and care about your feelings. When he doesn't, then your let him go.There are a lot of boys that you will meet. Some you will like and some you will have to let go. This is how you learn what type of guy is right for you. Sometimes ti will not be easy to make that decision. You learn as you go.You are a very smart girl who knows what she wants. Go out with your friends and have some fun. You are young and need to date different boys so you can learn the type of boy that is right for you. You date for fun. You don't have to be serious about everyone. Just be nice, be yourself, and be sure they are kind to you. When boys flirt with other girls when they are with you, just tell them that you only date boys that like you. It may hurt to let them go, but it's better than keeping them and letting them hurt you. Right?You are young and you are supposed to enjoy life at your age. Boys must respect you, and they must care about your feelings. When they don't, you let them go. You're smart, you must have good parents!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): "If me and him decide to work things out, should I tell him I don't want him talking to her?" If he truly wants to work things out, then he wouldn't be talking to her because she wouldn't be wasting her time talking to a guy who isn't interested. You may take pleasure in getting on your high horse and dismissing her as the slut of the town, but she wouldn't be pursuing your boyfriend if he wasn't responding to her come-ons. She has no allegiance or obligation or commitment to you and she's not the one who's been sharing your bed for the past two years, HE is.Sorry, but like most self-righteous scorned females, you're projecting your anger onto the wrong person. This allegedly slutty girl is not the problem in your relationship, your slutty boyfriend is.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (11 May 2013):
You say you dont want her to win but you just let her. Women always hit on taken guys. I think for one they are jealous that someone else is having a relationship and two it is fun for some to try and break up anothers friendship.
It sounds like it time to learn about trust and respect in a relationship. You show you dont trust your boyfriend when really you dont trust her.
If shes the town "slut" as you put it then there is a reason guys like her (and not just the sex) and maybe you are jealous of her a bit?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): What was the level of their interaction? Was he initiating it or he?
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (11 May 2013):
 I think you made a mistake. You let your insecurity and jealousness bring about exactly what you wanted to avoid, which was losing your boyfriend.
And if you decide to try and get him back, no you shouldn't tell him you don't want him talking to her. It is YOUR problem, not his. He hasn't done anything wrong. You need to learn how to handle your insecurity and jealousness and not put it onto your boyfriend. Plus it shows you don't trust him.
UNLESS you actually suspect him of cheating on you, then you have reason to be worried. But unless you have proof talking to him about it calmly would perhaps have been better.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (11 May 2013):
Seems childish to break up with someone for talking to the opposite sex. I'm sure guys hit on you all the time and you think nothing of it because you know you won't do anything wrong. But I guess this is how it goes at that age. The thing is now he can actually do something with this girl and he won't be blamed for it....well you CAN blame him but that's just fooling yourself.
You should always try to talk this out rather than using mind games and "hoping" the other person figures it out. At this rate you will be the one who ruins the 2 yr relationship if you would continue to resort to this.
If you decide to work it out, at least him to conduct himself accordingly as a boyfriend of three years should, around questionable girls like her.
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