A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my story happens on New Year’s Eve. (back ground info) I am 21 and my friend is 18. We have been neighbours for most of our lives. We were very close as children and I have great memories of being with him. but we grew apart when I was a teenager and then I moved to college for three years and we never really spoke, but now I have graduated and have moved back home. He is now off to college, and I’m moving to a new state. So I just want to get some advice before I leave. Basically on New years I had a few people over to my place, i was a bit tipsy and by 1 am all my friends left so I was home alone. My friend knocked on my door drunk from his night out and wanted to come in. (As he has sometimes done this before I always let him in to sober him up) We were talking, then hugging then we started to kiss and it was getting heavy. I said for us to stop as I thought it would be bad if things went further. I know he wanted to go all the way with me but I said no and I walked him home. He sent me a facebook message saying that he was sorry and I said it was ok. Then a few weeks later we bumped into each other at a local football match and it was really awkward, mainly on my part. I went with another neighbour, who he knows and they mainly talked while I looked at the floor. I sent him a FB message as said sorry and said I would take him out for a drink. He said ok, but cancelled on me on the day but said he would be back from his ivy league soon and we could do something then. I want to meet up with him because I don’t want those two bad incidences to be the last memories we have of each other, I really don’t. He’s back now but we have not seen/spoken and I’m moving state in a few weeks. Should I ask him again to go out or just leave things? Thank you for reading, :)
View related questions:
drunk, facebook, neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 January 2013):
Hi there. I guess it really depends on what you would hope that might happen now.
Are you attracted to him?
Or, do you only want to remain friends?
Or do you simply want to eraze the awkardness from those past two occasions?
Because it's clear, that he does feel quite uncomfortable about it.
And I believe it's more about the fact you said "No" you shouldn't go ahead any further than just kissing.
So when he thought that over after that night, he probably had feelings of rejection.
And I'd say that is what is really behind all the awkwardness.
He may have had feelings for you all along, as you grew up into teenagers, and then one or both of you went onto college etc., and so kind of parted ways for a while.
And then when he saw you again years later, he realized that he really DID have feelings for you after all, that extended to much more than just friends.
And he probably never had the courage to do anything about it, until he had a few drinks on new year's eve, which made him a bit more brave to come to your door, and then start kissing you.
And I can see why you said "No" to him, being that he was drunk, and might regret that drunken move, the next day.
And he probably would have felt rather foolish.
Even though he later apologised about that night, and you said that's okay, he probably still feels that you are NOT interested in him and that's why you said "No" on the night it happened.
And so now, he isn't game enough to make any more moves in that direction.
And so that doesn't help matters much, as far as he is concerned.
It does definitely seem that he is interested in you, otherwise he wouldn't have kissed you so passionately on that night, don't you think?
Because if he had no feelings for you at all - when he was sober - well then, that wouldn't change once he'd been drinking. Those feelings would not change at all.
People generally once they have consumed large amounts of alcohol or at least a few drinks, relax a lot more and drop their inhibitive guards, and let their true self shine through.
Something they would probably NOT do if they were completely sober.
And especially, if they are a little shy - which he probably is, when it comes to girls.
The only real way you are going to put things right here between you and him, is to have a proper discussion with him - soon.
And DO NOT do it via facebook. It must be face to face.
How you might go about this, could be to call him, or you could write a little note and seal it in an envelope to him - with his name and address on the envelope - and pop it in his letterbox.
In the note, you could just simply say to him - "(His Name), I really need to talk to you about something that's important to me. Could you call me, so we can arrange it please? I'd really appreciate it, thank you."
And in the letter, say nothing more than that. Don't start talking about "the kiss", or anything like that at all.
That needs to be said ONLY when you are talking face to face.
Once he receives your little letter, well then the ball is in his court.
He will probably start to guess - "I wonder what she wants to talk to me about?" - and go on guessing.
And then again, he might just say to himself - "Okay, that sounds like a good idea. An opportunity to really talk to each other, just the two of us."
And then he will probably call you, and you can organise with him to meet somewhere.
And when you meet, that will be your chance to say all you want to say, and clear the air, once and for all.
And when you do this, you need to be open and honest with him about your feelings towards him, and just explain how you didn't want to just have drunken sex, that you would both forget the next day.
And that if you were to ever do that, that it needs to be in the right environment and the right time.
And if you are interested in him in that way, well then all the more reason to explain this to him, and make it clear.
And say that it's something you would never do - have drunken sex with someone - because it might be that you regret it the next day.
And in the next few weeks you are moving to another state anyway, so you won't be able to see each other at all then, if it was to become a relationship.
So you need to keep this in mind, and so does he.
I wouldn't delay having this chat with him, for one single day longer.
You need to clear the air.
And that will remove all the awkwardness as well.
|
