A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I am not even sure where I am going to go with this but I'd just like opinions. I recently started a relationship after years of being single/recovering from abusive exes. And my boyfriend is absolutely amazing, well-mannered, gentle-natured, affectionate, considerate, really just a home-run. The problem is...well...me, honestly. I have become so used to being single that I seem bad at interacting with my significant other, I also have discovered lately that I very likely have slight Asperger's syndrome which doesn't make things easier.Anywho, I am working on being more considerate and appreciative and less petty, I get hurt by silly things and I know it is my self-esteem.We got in a fight tonight that ended with a mean remark from him. "I don't want to be your babysitter". (it was only mean because he had already told me this in other words many times, rather repeatedly, as I was already crying and he admitted he said the last one just to hurt me) He feels he constantly has to reassure me that he likes me. I do have abandonment issues.By the by, our relationship is for the most part awesome and we generally enjoy the heck out of each other...So, yeah, I almost feel like he deserves a person more capable of a healthy relationship...maybe I am not ready to be in a relationship? I care about him a lot already and I don't want to end up hurting him in any way.He suggested we go out more and do things, rather than stay in so much. I agree this may help for sure.So, mostly I am feeling guilty. I don't want to dump all of my baggage on him. Anybody been in a similar situation? Sorry, I am scatter-brained and sleep-deprived. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question (I know I cannot dump my baggage on him, which I why I am here and analyzing this.)
Thank you all for the advice. I did communicate the fact that I was working on my baggage and don't want it to suffocate him and I am genuinely going to try my very best to follow through. I am very lucky to have found him and I definitely want to keep him around and make him feel happy and appreciated rather than stressed on my account.
I have thought of therapy, I think I would personally benefit more from maybe a support group? That is not a bad idea. :)
I just need to be more conscious of where my feelings are stemming from before turning it into a petty argument.
(It's nice how quickly I got some nice, non-judgmental answers, thank you.)
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (16 August 2012):
 We all have issues drama lol my new name out there is cry baby I didn't cry alot when younger but my mom did now I see why it releases no When I cry it's cause of some bullshyt I don't have time for I am highly angered and tired of being fucked over for others amusement or benefits so i don't play with people's food emotions money and children if I did believe you me it was out of my control like everything else that's occuring in life. If it's a problem solve it or be part of problem don't nobody got time to be none proactive.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 I think your best bet is to communicate this with him. Whether you want to or not, we all have a bit of baggage (for the most part) that will come out at some point or another in a relationship. By telling him about your past experiences and your current situation, you're giving him a chance to understand you better and maybe be better equipped to handle things when they're a little less than perfect.
Let him know that you appreciate so much who he is and that you are thankful for how he treats you. You're a lucky girl to have found a guy like that, and you know it. Just be transparent about this kind of stuff, so he's never in the dark about why things are going badly if you're having an off day. I really do think you'll make it easier on the both of you, that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): You cannot dump your previous problems on him and require him to make u feel good. You need to learn to love and trust yourself.
Generally people get into a relation and want to be happy and not deal with your previous baggage. This can be very harmful for a relationship. Start to live and love before you lose your friend over your past issues.
Men love a confident woman and someone that they can rely on also from time to time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): The lack of interaction with him might be more to do with a psychological fear of men after the way you're ex's were. And now you're so used to being cautious about getting close to anyone.Also the reason I think you get hurt by the slightest things is because you're deeply emotionally scarred by the past, so you're more vulnerable and prone to getting hurt feelings. In the back of your mind you are probably expecting your boyfriend to stab you in the back and so you're just waiting for it to happen, and then when something gets said or done, you immediately take it to heart, start overreacting and think "I knew this was coming, he's just like the others" etc.Its a good thing that you have identified its issue from YOUR past that is causing you to act this way, and not your boyfriend being "Just like the others, a typical man". Maybe some psychotherapy would be a help to you to help build your self esteem and trust up again?
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