A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. This is a bit embaressing but i need some help. Me and my boyfriend started having sex about a month ago (we were each others first time) but every time we do it its really painful for me. I don't understand why this is and its really upsetting me, and putting strain on our relationship because my boyfriend feels like its his fault. Does anyone know what the cause of this might be and/or how I can stop it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Is it possible your hymen is still intact? Some women are born with especially thick ones and simply starting intercourse isn't sufficient to break them. We assume you have seen your gynecologist, right?
The NHS have a very comprehensive website with a useful symptom checker. I typed in your issue and got the following info:
------------courtesy NHS--------
Experiencing some pain or discomfort during sex is fairly common. However there are treatments available and you should seek further help. If you regularly find sex painful, you should visit your GP to check there are no underlying causes.
Painful sex falls in to two categories: deep pain and superficial pain.
Deep pain
Deep pain is when you feel pain deep inside you, such as when your partner thrusts, or when the penis is fully inside you.
Common causes of deep pain include:
endometriosis – a condition where cells that line the womb grow in other parts of the body
pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) – a condition where the womb, fallopian tubes, and ovaries may become inflamed
fibroids – growths in the womb
ectopic pregnancy – where the foetus grows outside of the womb
recent childbirth
sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as chlamydia
having a partner with a large penis
having a dry vagina
Superficial pain
Superficial pain is when you feel pain before the penis is fully entered in to your vagina. For example, at the entrance of your vagina rather than deep inside.
Common causes of superficial pain include:
thrush
sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as genital warts
injury to part of your vagina
a foreign body being inside the vagina
having a dry vagina
Vaginismus
Vaginismus is a condition that causes the muscles around the vagina to tighten by themselves. It usually occurs when the genital area is touched. This can be before or during sexual intercourse, when attempting to insert a tampon, or during a gynaecological examination, for example.
More information on vaginismus is available.
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Painful sex advice
If you think vaginal dryness may be a cause of the pain, you could try using a water-based lubricant for sex. Do not use oil-based lubricants as they damage condoms.
Don’t rush foreplay and intercourse. Take your time to relax and feel aroused. You may find it helps to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. Not talking about your concerns can sometimes make sexual issues more difficult in relationships.
You should talk about how you like to be touched and caressed.
There can be several factors that may lower your interest in sex and affect arousal. Remember, there’s more to sex than having intercourse. If your interest in having sex has decreased, you may want to try some more sensual methods of becoming aroused. These include:
exploring and caressing each other’s bodies
taking a bath or shower together,
having a massage
kissing each other slowly and in sensual places (such as the thigh)
undressing each other
Some medicines can cause a loss of libido. If you are concerned that your medicine is causing this, ask your GP for a medicine review.
If you are in pain, get advice on medicines you can take.
You should see your own GP if:
your symptoms continue, get worse or you develop new symptoms.
You should call NHS Direct on 0845 4647 if:
this health and symptom checker has not addressed your symptoms
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A useful link for you: http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/974.aspx?CategoryID=118&SubCategoryID=122 (you'll have to copy/past that entire link as the '?' interrupts the hyperlink.
Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (15 August 2012):
Like person12345 said, a decent lube is a great idea, however, you must make sure it is a water-based lube so it doesn't irritate your intimate areas or damage the condom. NEVER ever use peteoleum jelly as a lube!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 The absolute number one cause of pain during sex, especially among more inexperienced couples is that you're not turned on enough. You need to be extremely turned on before you even attempt sex. As in, close to orgasm turned on. Your muscles relax and you lubricate. You should have at least 20 minutes of foreplay, even have an orgasm beforehand. You should also buy some decent lube (not KY jelly) and put it on the outside of the condom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): I'm no expert so this is just a guess.
But maybe you are more on the tighter side than other girls and it just requires a little longer than normal to loosen the vagina muscles so sex becomes more comfortable.
A month really isn't that long a period of time to be having sex and also how often you have intercourse would be a factor too.
You could try lubrication, that should make it a little easier.
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