A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I could do with some advice.My ex husband and I have been seperated for almost 4 years. We have 2 beautiful children together and things are now much friendlier than they were when we first split.My husbands long term girlfriend ( also of 4 years) is someone who I dont get along with, however we are civil infront of the children. She is from another country - somewhere I would NOT want my children visiting EVER. There are just too many news reports of people going missing there and children being sold. There have also been issues with her trying to "mother" the children, and is often asking them to call her mum (which they refuse to do). Their dad sometimes takes a stand but often just keeps his gob shut for a quiet life. I should point out that she is unable to have children of her own, which may account for her behaviour.SooMy ex has expressed a wish to take the children on holiday for a week next summer. He often does this as his family live by the coast, however this time he wants to take them abroad.I knew one day he would want to take them for a proper holiday, and have been trying to prepare myself for it, but not very successfully.He has said he wants to take them to spain, which I am OK with BUT I have said that I would like to see the flight and holiday tickets BEFORE I hand over the kids passports. I am deeply afraid he and she would try to take them to his girlfriends country - in which case I would have very little chance of getting them back due to their laws on parenting and child abduction. If I am honest I cant imagine him doing such a thing, and I know its irrational but I cant help it.Am I being unreasonable for wanting to see the tickets, and know the details of the holiday (destination, resort and hotel name) before giving over the passports?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): I think it's fine for you to want to see the tickets if you're concerned about their safety in the other country.
however it's not right for you to be upset that your husband's GF is "mothering" your children. Like it or not, their father now has a new life partner, someone that he has chosen to share his life with which includes his kids. You're being possessive, not wanting to share what's "yours" and letting your own baggage get in the way of your children having another supportive caring adult looking out for them. get over that. If you didn't want another woman in your kids' lives then you shouldn't have separated from your husband. if you had your children's welfare in mind you should be happy that your husband's gf actually wants to "mother" them, so that they have more people caring for them, rather than being all snide about it (whether she can have biological kids or not is none of your business and no reason for you to judge her).
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 You say you're separated -- so there's been no divorce, and no legal custody agreement? You might want to speak to a solicitor about this. I have to think that under these circumstances would need to have these details worked out so that it's clear under the law what your rights are should something go wrong.
Perhaps your fears are unfounded, perhaps not. Personally I don't see that you are under any obligation to take the risk. As another answer said, once he has the children outside of the country with their passports in hand, his arrangements can easily be changed.
Think through the reasons you would permit this -- you want the kids to have quality time with their father, they are probably keen to go on the holiday, you want to be reasonable and get along, whatever. Then consider how realistic your fears are. In the end you have to do what you think is best -- for the children, and for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): No you are not being unreasonable. You are making sure your children are going to safe country and that they are going to a place which allows you to have legal options should they try to not return. It is always a difficult situation when parents split up, and with all the horror stories you hear on the news and such, you are just trying to protect your children, which as a mother is your job. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): I can see it as you need to be reassured but also can see it as being controlling and difficult, when seen from their side. ;)Have you and the Hubby thought to get some mediation on this matter?Also, you will ALWAYS be the Mother of your Children so give up the insecurity over this. Your children are allowed to love and trust in others. You taught them who to trust and why by your loving example.I dont' neccesarily agree abou the Mum thing but if they decide to do so, regardless of your opinion, why the heck not?I'd be happy that she treats them lovingly, fairly over absuses and resents them. I tire of hearing how Parents New BF/GFs are mean to them. So it seems your children lucked out. Right?The World, on a whole, is fast decaying. 7,000 years of man history has shown time and again, when Nations prosper, people get mental with greater numbers and more wealth. With this, you will have cities, globally, where child abductions will occur along with children going missing. Perverts are everywhere. Each country/continent have them, even your own country, city. So really, you going to keep your chidren under lock and key for the rest of their chilhoods?How old will children be when they go on trip? Have you thought to take a course/seminar on street proofing your children, stranger alertness, self defense, or even if they offer travel safety classes to help you with your worries?To arm and teach your children about safety/preparedness? Maybe work with Dad, a plan that will aid you in feeling reassured. And that you have say and input will put your worries at bay.Sound good?
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A
female
reader, theaboo  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 If he really wants to take them, then checking flight ticxkets won't stop him. Nothing you can do, short of hiring a lawyer, can really stop him if he wants too. Are your children very young?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 May I ask what country that is where children are sold? Just to have more perspective.
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