A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for five months now - since about a week before he and his ex broke up. They were together for two years and I'll admit, he was not the nicest guy towards his ex. For two years, he emotionally and physically abused her and then cheated on her multiple times with me. I know all of that sounds horrible and I should probably be careful and also be ashamed of myself for having been 'the other woman', but there are details entangled in this whole thing. And besides all that, I do have a dilemma...A few weeks ago, he beat and raped her at a public park (apparently there were no witnesses) and I didn't know about this until the other day. I also didn't know that his ex filed for an Order for Protection until the other day. Now, apparently there's supposed to be a court date for all of this and my boyfriend wants me to testify for his case. He basically wants me to help him get off scott-free. I know his ex is still a little emotionally unstable and pretty weak when it comes to certain things and I really do feel for her, but this guy is mine now. I want to know where this goes with him and that would mean I would have to testify against her.No, I don't exactly feel right doing this but I don't want my boyfriend going to jail, either.What should I do?
View related questions:
broke up, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tux +, writes (3 May 2009):
 DO NOT COMMIT PERJURY for this guy.. You do know that you can land yourself in jail for doing this, right? You shouldn't be willing to perjure yourself to get this guy off.. If he is asking you to do this, then I would have no doubt in my mind that he is guilty of the crime he is accused of. Otherwise, he would feel that the truth will set him free..
I really don't understand why you'd want to continue to be with this guy who "even if this encounter" was consensual, he wasn't with you.. Don't let yourself fall into this trap and have yourself end up in situation that can end up being bad. Personally, I would inform the DA or police that he is trying to get you to lie under oath to protect himself, but if you aren't willing to do that.. don't testify for him with what he wants you to say.. Say what exactly is the truth and what you know is the truth..
Anyways.. as another aunt said... ARE YOU SERIOUS?
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (29 April 2009):
 So, how long do you reckon it will be before he is beating and committing acts of rape on you in a park then...or perhaps dumping your body somewhere. If you testify for him in court then you risk a criminal record yourself since the court maybe supplied with DNA evidence which shows you to be a liar. There must be strong evidence against your boyfriend for this to be going to court in the first place. Even if he isn't found guilty on this occasion, how long will it be before he ends up in prison for assaulting or murdering someone else...maybe that could be you.
...............................
A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 Are you kidding me? Dump him, testify AGAINST him. He deserves to be in jail. He's no good. He really isn't. If you don't have more common sense than that then good luck to you!
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 Consider this. If you lie for him, he is under constant risk from you changing your story to the police. A known rapist and wife-beater with a new wife who could land him in jail anytime she feels like it.
I wouldn't be starting any long books.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): You should tell teh truth, that he mentally and physically abused her when they were going out, except he's been a good boyfriend to you [so far!!!!] (Apparently! - according to the girl who wants to protect a rapist and abuser!) wake up to moralitly!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): I am in shock reading this! You know, I am disturbed by women like you, who actually 'worry and fret' about helping a evil person get away scot free, from the damage and pain he caused on another innocent person! So what is it about you, that has caused you to overlook all this, and his past history of abuse with her? I mean you are actually pondering about being his alibi, and to 'lie/commit perjury' in a court of law, so he gets off, scot free? I have to ask what it is about yourself, that you would be so emotionally needy and messed up to be involved with such a guy. You are really struggling I think, to find some validation from us...or some excuse to explain away the horrendously bad behaviors over which your bf plainly, has no control. How utterly sad for you. All I have to say is you retain the freedom to exercise your humanity in choosing right from wrong here. If you choose the wrong, you will be held accountable, for allowing him to use you as his alibi. and if you are caught, you will pay a heavy toll for loving such a man. A woman has been beaten and raped and if you stand up for him, you are condoing the brutal rape and beatings of women, everywhere. And judging by the way you describe this guy...chance are good, he's guilty as hell. If you lie for him, then all I have to state, is when you move away from acting with your concscience, you move away from being human and you move closer to being an animal. Just like this bf of yours.Leave him to the court system and do not perjure yourself to lie for him. Then you get the heck out of his life, in order to save yourself here. I don't care what it takes..if you have to move, change your locks, disconnect your phone...do all you can to exit his life, once and for all. And when you've got your life on track....seek some counseling. You need to find out why you don't have the life perspective and emotional maturity to recognize when a true form 'evil' walks into your life. Get some help. I wish you well and I wish you strength, in the days that lay ahead.
...............................
A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (28 April 2009):
 So your boyfriend is an emotionally abusive rapist who hits women? And you want to help him get away with it all?By lying for him you are spitting in the face of every single rape victim out there. If he can do it once, he will do it again. Probably next time to you. You are putting other women in danger. So what, are you going to let this dangerous, vicious, disgusting animal not be punished for what he did? Just so you can get one over on his ex? Just so you can be the one he chose?To be honest sweetie, I don't think his ex is going to fight with you over this idiot now is she? So well done you win. Take a good look at your prize, you should be very proud. Have fun going to bed every night with a rapist.I hope they have enough evidence to lock this scumbag away for a long time.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): ok swetie idk wats going on in ur head but, ask ur self these questions, he raped and beat his ex girlfriend, that can be me next? ...why would i want to be wit some one that raped n physically abused some one? i think u have a lot of soul searching to do.. i dont think u should testify against the girl...the best thing to do is get away from that man ASAP! ...is only been 5 months who know what he has in sotore for you...do u really want get raped and physically abused everyday??..is gonna kill you..n it seems like ur young trust u do not want to go thru that abusive experinece it is not love!!! LOVE UR SELF!
...............................
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (28 April 2009):
 You are ok being with him still? Even though he allegedly sought her out and raped her, while being in a relationship with you?
If your gut instinct is telling you to be careful and that he did something wrong, then go with that.
But don't stand in the way of the justice system. If you deny her the right to a fair trial by testifying for him, then you are slowly stripping away at the rights for all women who are victims of that kind of horrib abuse.
Don't ruin all of our hard work for one guy who has to rape an ex to feel superior. If he is incarcerated, he can finally get the help that he needs for his anger and sexual offenses.
And think of what he has done to you. He has been with you for 5 months, left her for you, and could not get over her enough! He still is affected by her and needs to be in control of her. That's what rape and physical abuse is! And what do you think he will do to you? You have only been with him for 5 months, he was with her for 19 more. Are you even certain that in 19 months he won't have started beating you? You think you are abive his aggression and controlling behavior? You aren't.
She is lucky to be alive, and if you don't do what is right, morally and legally, then you deserve everything you get from this jerk.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): I think ArmyMedic said it all.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (28 April 2009):
 Are you serious?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): How could you want to be with a man who raped and beat another woman? He should be in jail!! Obviously he has issues and for your own safety I would leave him. You do realise how serious this is do you not? he raped another woman while he was with you!!
...............................
|
