A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm getting married next year and me and my fiancé keep disagreeing over 1 particular issue - having children at our wedding. Now I'm sure i'm going to get a lot of "hate" responses but I'm not trying to be nasty.I don't want children there during the day, at the church or the sit down meal, however the are mist welcome on the evening. My fiancé wants them there all day. Now, let me explain, I want to be able to enjoy MY wedding, I really don't want children making noise especially at the church or running around. I have been to many weddings and it irritates a lot of people. Kids get bored in church and sit down meals. I went to a friend of mines wedding 2 years ago and during the day it was adults and evening kids and it worked so well as parents could enjoy themselves and not be running after their little ones all day.My fiancé thinks it's cruel as nothing bothers him so a screaming child through out vows won't irritate him. I spoke to the church to see if they could do a crèche type thing so kids can play whilst we do our ceremony but the church wouldn't agree due to insurance etc...Am I being unreasonable?? I mean I only want to get married once and I am paying half for my day. Any other suggestions? Thanks.
View related questions:
fiance, want children, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cebart  +, writes (13 September 2010):
Not sure if you're still looking for help on this.
I am getting married summer of 2011 too and we won't be having children at any part of our wedding. Because it can upset people with kids, I decided to do a family friendly event the day before so that people like my niece and nephew don't feel excluded. In my invitations that I just had made I had them include a seperate invitation with just the kids names on it inviting them to the Science Centre in the city I live in.
Offer free babysitting for those that will be joining you that have children and be aware that it's a VERY touchy subject. (My brother's wife is really mad at me and hasn't emailed or called since telling them I don't want kids there and she use to send me an update once a month)
As for the soon to be hubby. Is this the battle you've selected?? If you've been really giving on other areas, let him know this is that one item you would prefer not to meet him in the middle with. If you've selected and fought other battles, maybe let this be the one that he wins. Or, maybe find out why, just maybe there's a deeper reason (like he has children on his side he wants to invite) I got lucky, my fiance wants absolutely nothing wedding planning.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 March 2010):
 If you don't allow children at your wedding, you may find many family memebers and friends stay away. Babysitters are expensive and they might not be able to afford one on top of a decent dress, suit and a present for the both of you.
It's your wedding, yes, but it's also your fiancée's wedding day. Who will be more upset? You because some children might cry, or him because his favourite people (including kids) are asked to stay away.
I'm in favour of making things simple, arguments before the wedding makes everything much more stressful.
Personally, I've never been to a wedding that banned kids, and wouldn't attend one if they did. Weddings are supposed to be a social event for all the family, a bride who only considers herself and not all the community wouldn't be something I'd like to see... but that's my personal opinion..
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I do not have strong feelings about having or not having children at a wedding. It is up to the couple if and when they should attend. I do totally understand, as I have attended wedding where it was hard to enjoy the ceremony because some parent brought a teething infant who wailed loud enough to be so distracting...and the parent did not think enough (probably sleep deprived) to just pick up the kid and wait the tantrum outside of the building.
That being said, I have too things I want to suggest:
1-It is important for you to enjoy yourself at your wedding, as long as you do not put any pressure of it being "a perfect" day...if the kids are not there, surely other things will happen. Keep things in perspective. There are enough world disaster on the news to remind us all to appreciate our imperfect days, which could include loud kids at a wedding. With that said, if you are willing for some imperfection, allow the kids. If having kids there will take away from your day...do not have them, but understand the price of that is some parents will not attend and that is their right. In this economy, a wedding gift, babysitting, etc...it adds up.
2-The real concern that I think you need to come to terms with is that this is really really a small issue. If you and your fiance can not be on the same page for something like this, are you going to fight about things more important? I consider something like this is reflect values...and your values and his values on this issue are different. What other values do you have that are this different? Better come to terms with this. A broken engagement is better than a nasty divorce.
-Frank Kermit
author, Making Monogamy Work
http://www.franktalks.com
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 March 2010):
Children can have a habit of speaking out at the wrong moment. I'm sure there are plenty of moments when children have managed to wreck things. God knows I did when I was one.
That said, there is a problem with what you're asking. There are guests who will have kids, and will put them first. It's all right not inviting kids, but if you don't it could be that a lot of people will decline to come because they don't want to leave their kids or won't have the money for childcare.
So you either need to arrange childcare for those with kids, or you have to be prepared that a lot won't turn up. Yes, it is your wedding, and it's the big day. But always remember that no matter what, children will always come first in most people's eyes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I think you are worrying too much about this; many bigger things can go wrong than a kid making noise!
This isn't your (singular) day, this is your (plural) day, so I would at least try to compromise somehow.
I don't know if you are expecting any family or friends to travel to your wedding, but it would be especially hard for them to find childcare...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): No I don't think you are being unreasonable but there are some people who will always disagree with you about this issue. My cousin recently got married and they decided to not have young children at the actual wedding ceremony or the dinner but were allowed to come to the dance afterward. I really liked this idea and there were many people who also enjoyed this as well. But some of my other cousins were a little dramatic and made a statement of not coming to the ceremony then came to the dinner and left immediately afterward as if to say "well my children were not allowed to the real wedding, why should we stay for the party?" Which if they can't be mature about it then that is their problem. It is YOUR wedding. But you do need to come to an agreement with your Fiancee about the subject because his family will also be attending. Maybe there is some mid point you can agree on? Its perfectly reasonable to not want to risk having a screaming crying baby being heard over top of your wedding vows. It is your wedding, it only happens once, and it should be your PERFECT day.
I have also been to a wedding where they actually had a hotel room and a babysitter to look after the children during the reception in the ballroom so the parents wouldn't have to figure out what to do with their children. Perhaps this could be an option?
If there is absolutely no way around having children at the wedding well the best thing for you to do is grin and bear it. don't let it ruin your day. If they are noisy during a critical moment well maybe down the road you will look back and giggle on the memory of it.
Hope all works out! And have a spectacular wedding.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): i was going to suggest evening for the children.My aunty did the same and got alot of issues from family and one part of her family didnt actually come becuase it upset them, i personally love and adore children but i can understand u wanting ur day.... But you'll be so wrapped up in the day and im sure if u just make a point of saying to the parents to take thier children outside if they get out of hand, they will understand.maybe put this story to ur husband.... My other aunty was in the middle of her vows and her nieces were holding her hand from behind...'aunty becccaaa, what ya dooingg' she was soooo upset... Where as my mum made sure my siser didnt go up and explained before she wasnt allowed and i did the same with my parents wedding... Its urs and his special day!Maybe u dont have to get a creche...just hire somebody (qualified in childcare and crb checked ) and get them to stand in one of the side rooms with the kids, playing?.....the church doesnt have to know u hired her!
...............................
|
