A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend and we are in sexual relationship for last 4-5 years. But now i am getting married with someone else next month and i don't want him to know that i am not virgin. Is it possible ? If yes, how ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): girl, when he finds out all hell will bak loose. And believe me an man will know. Anyway why do you want to hide this from your future husband? Will he reject you? Will you continue your affair while married. Marriage is sacred, and if you are contemplating lies now, there will be no end to the misery. Why must people lie all the time? You want to dope your husband into believing that you are a virgin. Please show him some respect. We women always complain about men cheating and lying. But sometimes women are no better. You unfortunately are no better if you want to do something like this
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Hi
....wrong to start married life with lying. I totally think you would be wrong to lie and if he does not like it thats just ...tough. If you are not a virgin then have the backbone to tell the truth. No shame in not been a virgin...but SHAME in lying to your future husband.
YOUR CHOICE OF WHICH YOU THINK IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!
TRUTH OR LIES...QUITE SIMPLE.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): I don't know about the legal aspects of this question, but if your future husband has not asked, don't discuss it, unless you feel by omission you are lying to him, and, thus, carrying that as a burden. I'm guess that your BF probably knows that you are not a virgin, unless, being from India, this is an arranged marriage, and, consequently, these facts have yet had the opportunity to be presented/discussed by you as a couple. Another aspect -- have you and your current BF had sex? Is your BF saving the experience until marriage and, thinks that you have, too? Little more info on the nature of your relationship is needed. But, bottom line, if he thinks that you are virgin, and you haven't told him otherwise, then you are lying. If, on the other hand, you have been actively dating, even sexually involved, and he has not asked you, he either doesn't care or he does not want to know, so don;t push it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Well, to start off with, virginity isn't just the physical 'hymen' fixing it thing. There are many memories and emotional attachments to having sex with someone (especially if you were with your ex for 4-5 years).Your husband to be has a right, and not just a moral right, but a legal right to know you aren't a virgin. 1st, if you don't tell him, then you are starting off the relationship in a complete lie. Come clean, and hope for the best. It's not like you're telling him you slept with 20 guys and don't know their names. If you were in a 4-5 year relationship, he must expect that you had sex with that guy. 2nd, not disclosing that (in most countries/states) is a legal violation of the marriage agreement, if he finds out later, he can sue for fault divorce and take everything you have. But I stress that the most important part of this isn't the legal part, but the honesty part, start out with a lie, and you'll end up with a sham of a marriage.
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A
female
reader, Nickijs  +, writes (12 March 2009):
It may be difficult to admit it but if you want to start your marriage with honesty and have continued trust it would be best to confess. If this really isn't an option because you are worried for your safety or your family disowning you, you could look into an operation called Hymenoplasty surgery, you can find this by searching on google.
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A
male
reader, SlackersACE1  +, writes (12 March 2009):
Technically, there's no real way to tell anyway. Mannerisms, but no hard/fast rules. Besides, you really should be honest with this man your going to share your life with. Worst way to start a relationship is with a lie for sure sis.
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