A
female
age
36-40,
*oinette
writes:I am a 21 year old and I've beeen seeing my boss who is 43 years old... I started it as fun. I've never dated a married man or someone older than me for even two years.. but matters of the heart are not to be played with..I am so much in love with him now that I don't even care what he does for me or not... we've been seeing one another for 9 months now and so many things have happened... I have a boyfriend who is in another country and his wife is also in an other country...I got pregnant for him and really wanted to keep the baby but it wasn't going to be easy since he's my boss and he's married...I decided to abort the baby all for him. After all what has happened, he is so changed now.. does not reply to my texts or calls any more..I feel used by him... every night I think of it and cry because I really love him.. he's been my first in so many things... and it's really difficult to forget a person like that.....I try to forget him but Ii just can't... no matter how hard I try...At this point in my life Ii need him so bad. I can't tell anybody about it, not even my mum. I come from a very religious catholic home and I feel I am being eaten up deep inside, it's affecting me both mentally and physically... I don't want anything from him but attention and care. WHAT AM I TO DO
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female
reader, megan1111  +, writes (15 January 2009):
Whoa, I got hurt behind a married man. You know the story, "My wife left me - we're getting a divorce - we're separated......" Then I got pregnant, he wanted me to abort, I didn't, he avoided like I had leprosy.
Rule 1 don't date married man unless you see some separation or divorce paperwork.
Sounds your man wants to have a good time with sex as the end result without committment. He's avoiding you because you make get pregnant again or worst, tell his wife about the affair. He doesn't love you. If cannot stop loving him and be there for the gifts and sex, then you can have him but eventually, you're going to want more. I'd seek more now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): This is a very difficult situation. I think to begin with you have to come to grasps with the fact that this relationship may be coming to an end. I'm not sure as to the details with how his wife/your boyfriend are gone, but I think the pregnancy really shocked him. He was living in a fantasy with you. Being an older man, having you have such feelings for him made him feel younger and still attractive. I'm only 24, but I've seen in others that as you get older, you naturally feel like you're on the physical decline. To have someone of your age, where there are so many beautiful other singles available to choose from....to have someone like that choose him I am sure made him feel wonderful. When you became pregnant he was forced to come to grips with what he was doing. I can't speak for him, but it is very possible that he realized that he doesn't want to be in that type of relationship with someone so young. Part of the intrigue in your relationship was the secrecy. He had to think about number one, and if people where to find out it would affect not only his marriage, but everything else in his life. Right now he is trying to push away while he get's his thoughts clear. He's trying to refocus on what is important. If he decides that what is important is you than he will reestablish that connection. However, don't wait for him. Don't make someone your 1st priority when to them you are merely an option. Every thing he has ever said to you in terms of his deep feelings has now been erased for they were in the present moment and have become void now that reality has set in. You are going to feel that pain and rejection, but he's not rejecting you the person, he's rejecting the image of himself being severely irresponsible with his marriage, his life and with your heart. This is definitely a case where its more about him. I wish you the best, but your best bet is to move on as soon as possible, and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, but I'm sure you'll find happiness in someone else. And hopefully this person will mature at the same rate as you do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): You WERE used by him. You were nothing more than a fling, and now he's had you he no longer wants you. You were obviously little more than a piece of warm meat to him. Instead of wanting him so badly you should really be detesting him for the way he used you.
I think that once you realise how little you meant to him you will see him for what he really is and you'll no longer want him or anything more to do with him.
This is one example of what happens when a single girl gets with a married man - heartbreak in the end, and an all-round bad experience. I hope you learn from it.
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