A
female
age
41-50,
*adly mistaken
writes:Why do guys cheat? Is it because the sex is no good with me or is it because hes just a man? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 July 2019):
 Why do guys cheat? You mean why does anyone cheat right? It’s not just strictly men that do this.
People cheat because they are assholes. If you can’t stick to exclusivity then you shouldn’t be in a relationship end of. People cheat because they have no self control, they try to blame it on being intoxicated, lonely or confused. There is NO excuse. It is never acceptable and it honestly the lowest of the low.
If you have been cheated on it is NOT your fault, it is a choice that your partner has decided to make and it shows that they’re a shitty person. Don’t beat yourself up over something like this as it’s out of your control.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2019): Men AND women cheat for a whole variety of reasons, but there's this preconceived idea that "men cheat", because traditionally women are seen as ones who seek marriage and because (and this is cruel but true for our societies) men have longer "shelf lives", meaning that they can easily cheat or be with much, MUCH younger women.
Some people may have certain sexual tastes and cannot meet their needs with partners who do not share these tastes. So instead of finding new partners who do, they decide that since everything else is satisfying them, they should find someone one the side. In reality, this decision is selfish, because most likely their partners would like to be able to make decisions about their own lives as well.
So it is not about not being good in bed, but about compatibility.
Open relationships are ok, but by definition they require that all parties be informed about and accept this arrangement. Cheating means that someone is in the dark.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2019): Actually ‘being a man ‘ does make someone more likely to cheat statistically . It’s been proven time and time again that men cheat in high red numbers than women
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 July 2019):
 "Because he's just a man"? That's a sad view of it. Being a man doesn't make someone more likely to cheat, nor does it mean you should expect to be cheated on.
I'm sorry you were cheated on. This was not anything to do with you, even though it affects you.
Some people just cheat. Some only cheat once in a minor way, like a drunk kiss, and never cheat again. However, it's more common for cheaters to cheat more than once - sometimes becoming a serial cheater. Emotional affairs are just as common as physical affairs and both are devastating.
Selfishness is almost always at the root of every single case, regardless of other contributing reasons. The cheater is putting themselves first and betraying their partner. That's why I find it wrong to suggest cheaters hide it from their partner, since everyone deserves to know if their partner hasn't been faithful, so they can decide if they can forgive or not.
You know he cheated, so the only thing left to figure out is what you're going to do about it. Have you left him? If not, are you going to?
Give yourself time to heal, then find a man who is faithful - there are plenty out there. Don't allow this one crappy guy give you poor views of all men.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (20 July 2019):
For the same reasons women cheat. Mostly ego and opportunity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2019): Men cheat for the same reasons women cheat. Then they have other reasons.
If he's cheating, he's cheating with a woman... who is cheating with him.
Most women know that the man they're with is cheating on another woman. In fact, they set it all up! Why don't they care? Why are women complicit in cheating with married-men? They know they're hurting another woman.
People cheat because they're just plain nasty. They have a devious dark-side, and get pleasure out of sneaking around unbeknownst to their partners. That makes the forbidden-fruit all the sweeter, and they get a rush knowing they could get caught!
There's intrigue and excitement in having a secret-lover. Human-nature can go lower than the primal-nature of lower animals. We can reason, but deliberately defy everything we know to be right and fair. You can even become president. People cheat, because they're ungodly and devilish!
Rarely, but sometimes it's a slip in judgement.
Most women could avoid a lot of heartache; if they listened to the warnings and advice of their parents as teenagers. When they tried to tell them which guys were bad news! If you rebelled and insisted on dating everything they couldn't stand; later in life, you'll run into a lot of cheaters. It's your payback for rebelling against your parents, breaking their hearts; when they tried to teach you something. With your hard-headed self!
Someone has hurt you. I know what it feels like being cheating on; and I even caught him doing it. The question isn't why do men cheat, but why do people cheat?
They are begging for attention. They can't allow an opportunity to slip by. They get drunk and/or high and lose control. They are greedy after sex, and some are addicted to it.
Some men consider promiscuity manly and studly. That's because they're stupid and weak in character; and didn't have a good male role-model growing-up. They were never taught to how to respect women. They think love is something to toy with!
Many men are raised by women without fathers; and they think manliness means bedding as many women as you can. Men use sex as a way to manipulate weak-minded females; they know using sex will sometimes fool them into thinking he loves them. Meanwhile, he finds other women he can manipulate and it makes him feel powerful and important. He's drunk on testosterone and full of himself!
People cheat because they don't respect, understand, or appreciate trust. They take trust for granted, and some even consider it a weakness. Hence they don't value it as they should; therefore, it is easy to throw it away.
Society as a whole, regardless of gender, is guilty of undervaluing trust. They don't know how to earn it, how to enjoy it when they have it, or they'll refuse to give it to someone who deserves it! No matter how hard that poor person works to earn it, after being trapped into caring for some idiot hurt by somebody else; and taking it all out on them for it!
Some women never trust anybody. They steal a man's heart, but never give him the trust he deserves. Another woman comes along who sees the good in him; and she wants him for herself. She'll seduce him, during a weak moment. Knowing he already has a woman. Both cheated, not just the man.
If someone has cheated on you, or you have had a string of cheating-men in your life...or just the one who drove you to write this post. You have the option to let them go. Get through your pain and detachment-process, and move on.
You don't let them drag you down, or defeat you! You don't let them turn you into an embittered paranoid man-hater. You pick yourself up, and try to be more selective about the kind of men you like.
If you like alcohol-guzzling, pot-smoking, club-hopping players; they look good, but they're likely to cheat. If you like sexy macho bad-boy types; they have to keep-up their image by cheating. If you like bikers and boozers...you have terrible taste in men. You choose cheaters, mistaking them for what a man is.
If you didn't have a great dad to show you what kind of character to look for in a good-man; then you've got to wing-it. You'll find him through trial and error. In fact, that's how you find the right-guy anyway!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 July 2019):
 Some people (men AND women) will be in a fabulous relationship and still cheat, given the slightest opportunity. Others will be in a bad situation but will not cheat, no matter what. It's down to the morals of the individual concerned. The only thing I think you can generalize on is: once a cheater, always a cheater.
I am guessing you are talking about your current boyfriend. here. If you KNOW he has cheated, the trust will be gone. I doubt you will EVER have peace of mind again. Is that what you want for yourself?
Find someone who respects you enough not to cheat, and whose morals are similar to yours, otherwise you will spend your life in turmoil.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 July 2019):
 Neither. Some people, not men specifically, are liars and selfish idiots. Women cheat too. But luckily there is hope, as not all people are selfish idiots. There are some with integrity, pride, compassion and who value honesty. Find those people. Ditch the losers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2019): Men cheat because society in genera gives men free passes . It’s tells us men are more sexual and women are on earth solely for men’s viewing and sexual use . Look at porn if you want to see how women and men are portrayed in general . As a result of this conditioning most men are entitled and many women just sit back and accept it as normal . Does this mean you have to accept it? Of course not . Demand respect and no less . Don’t settle for a man who tries to deliver less
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2019): There are a couple of very basic reason OP. First is arrested development. Some men just never mature emotionally and mentally to have the capacity to have a loving and faithful emotionally fulfilling relationship with a woman. They go thru life like a darn kid in a candy store with the gimme gimme gimme mentality, like they want to sample every woman that exists! These men think with their dick, not their mind. That brings use to reason two. It is a simple biological fact that a stiff peter has no conscience! Then the third reason is because there is always a woman to cheat with, whether it be an innocent lady who is being lied to by the cheating man, or it is a woman of the cheating kind, who is always willing to undermine a good womans marriage, relationship, and family! The world became infected with sin, in The Garden of Eden, in that disease is spreading and destroying lives and homes, I am sad to say. Blessings To You!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2019):
 Neither?
I think any one ( man OR woman) who WANTS to cheat, cheats because they feel entitled, lonely, tempted, bored (insert ANY excuse, really) not because their partner isn't good in bed.
If you TRULY sucked in bed, why not just dump you?
If it was "just because he is a man" - all men would cheat.. And they don't.
YOU are making the presumption that it's somehow YOUR fault. It's not. Cheating is a choice, just like being faithful is. Your BF is CHOOSING to cheat. You can't control what HE does. YOU can however, control how you REACT to his actions.
Why don't YOU CHOOSE to dump him and find a man who can and will respect you, the relationship and who WANTS to be faithful?
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A
female
reader, KeW +, writes (20 July 2019):
 Hi OP,I’m sorry you’ve been cheated on. It’s not because of who you are or what you do. Some people, men and women, just cheat. Some do it out of desperation for various reasons, but it’s usually just selfishness. Sometimes we gravitate towards the same types of people, so if you keep being cheated on, the laws of averages suggest you may not be choosing good guys. Perhaps assess the things these men have in common and why you chose them, to hopefully avoid this again. It’s not because of you or your fault, but most people don’t cheat, so try not to let this give you incorrect views of men.Best wishes!
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