A
female
age
30-35,
*ainajade
writes:I met a boy in Montana about two weeks ago. We hung out a few times while I was there and we had an instant connection. I have never felt so comfortable around a guy in my entire life. He kept telling me how much he wished i lived in Montana, and how i should even go to college there next year. He told me how happy he would be and how much he liked me. When I got home we still kept in touch every single day after. But these last few days I have noticed a distance. He doesn't text me, i always have to text him. When i do, he will text me for a little then stop. Here is my question. I know long distance, especially at a young age like 18, is hard. So is that the reason for him distancing himself, because he knows at this time it could never be anything more? He was so into me while i was there and even the week after i left. All the sudden he just stopped talking to me. Almost like the feeling died down. I'm confused and hurt, because he is absolutely amazing. He knows i will be visiting again in the winter, and i am even considering going to school out there. I don't want to lose this guy. Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, RAVEMORE  +, writes (15 July 2010):
How wonderful to be an open slate and have all those choices in front of you! I hope you enjoy this freedom and all the possibilities of joy and fulfillment that are on your path.It seems that you really enjoy Montana,maybe that is the key to the whole thing: being happy where you are and truly being you. Maybe you just jell with the people there and that guy is just one of the great persons you will get to meet.I hope this guy will contact you again, if he doesn't, there will be plenty who will show a courageous and noble heart.
A
female
reader, lainajade +, writes (13 July 2010):
lainajade is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you both so much for the great advice! I didn't exactly decide to go to Montana just for him. More like I have no other set plan, so I'm an open slate up for anything. And I really do love it in Montana. He doesn't know that I have decided I'm most likely going there for school though, I haven't told him yet. I'm just not going to text him like you guys said, and wait maybe a couple or so weeks to say anything if he still hasn't called or texted by then. I just hope he doesn't think I've lost interest by doing that.. I really want to ask him why he is being so distant, but I don't want him to think I'm a clingy girl because I'm really not at all, just confused and frustrated.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (12 July 2010):
I think it's a simple thing. Men like to communicate differently than women. We like to use actions not words. If you text him all the time and there is no way he can act out his feelings for you, it can be very frustrating.
I agree with the other poster. Stop texting him when he doesn't text you. Men like to chase. I know you want to talk with him, but he wants to be with you.
My suggestion. Don't text for a few days. Then send him a quick open ended fun text to ask him a question. Then only text him when he texts you back. That should get him on the chase again.
You might then give him a problem he can help you with. That will help him act to help you out. Again naturally attracting him back to you.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, RAVEMORE +, writes (12 July 2010):
What if you stop texting him altogether?
Maybe,it will make him want you more. Men want what they can't have.
If you are too available and devoted, he might get sick of your neediness. You are already making plans to go to school in Montana ( hopefully you haven't told him about your intention of changing your whole life and wrap it around him), he might be scared to be stuck with you once you are there, especially if you are relocating for his sake.
I understand that when you have an amazing connection with someone, you feel like sharing your deepest thoughts. However, this guy is now backing off from the intensity of your exchange. He might be scared, or he might need more of a challenge. At first you were the impossible love because of the distance, and now you are becoming too available.
If you are supposed to see him in the winter, I would suggest you make him work for your attention once you are there.
Where you go to school shouldn't be decided because of a guy. Your educational future is more important than a man.
If this is the right love story for you, then he will be the one making it easy on you, that includes communicating often and patching up the distance with words and reinsurance.
I wish you good luck.
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