A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey there ..i'm 19,a student..my boyfriend who is 21 has a lot of financial problems at home...he has many loans and commitments of his parents and his own to look after...he's very stressed out.he has a job which he likes but not earning much yet for the qualification he has...it will take time for him to move up the ladder.he does not have enough to even support his growth...eg. to go abroad ,because then his parents would be left alone..he's just doing what he can at his best for now... we have a good relationship ,what worries me is:i am from a totally different background where i have all the security from my parents and i just am not able to understand how to support him emotionally...i used to be very attached and emotional...less practical...he says those things dont workout for us...and that i have to always be strong..and be his strength not weakness...now after 1 year and 8 months of being together (of which the past 8 months has been a LDR)..i'm finding it frustrating to handle him...he isn't as expressive or emotional as me... and i have the feeling now a days that he cares more about other aspects of life than "us" he is roughed up..while i'm a dreamer..i want to get out of this dreamer and protected spoon-fed girl that i am...i never knew i was spoilt...because i'm kind ,and sweet as a person ..and people always like me...i find it hard to even say a "no" to people!now i can see that something is clashing...sometimes i feel guilty and become more affectionate to him..he trusts me a lot and takes me as a permanent undetachable part of his life ...and his focus is on other things...the little time he gets he hangs out with friends ...calls me often enough but i'm just not getting enough of him.i feel lonely and want him to be around ,to give more priority to me...i feel frustrated..!logically, these feelings are selfish because..he is having a hard time out there ,but all i'm doing is wanting attention from him...and he knows this very well...what can i do to get more into his world..how should i talk to him I WANT ESPECIALLY SOME INPUT FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE KIND OF FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES like him...what are the things i can talk to him ,ask him about ...what should i not talk of?sometimes i feel i shouldn't have told him..when i do something that he CANNOT,i i realize i shouldn't have only when he says something like "oh lucky you" or something like that...so i really need to know what NOT to tell him.. :( i cant see the world in his view or feel the things he does....when i try my best to put myself in his shoes its difficult to analyze...but i feel most of the times like oh my poor baby..but i don't know how to give him strength/confidence/happiness ..all i know to give is my love/care/attention ....he is a confident person..and keeps himself happy ... but i know he has some kind of complex which he hides by being fake with me sometimes-he would boast about himself,try to get me jealous and sometimes he's happy to make me feel less than him .this probably gives him a feel that he's better than the child of a richer person..he's often told me he hates rich people ...he calls kids of rich fathers lucky bastards..now I DONT WANT to be anywhere in this ...i'm his lover and i consider myself part of him...how do let him understand that??!!!how!!?i try and when i do it backfires...he thinks i dont understand him....he hides things about his issues at home..and very rarely shares them with me...like about his parents' fight / his father's alcoholism..after all the care i show him and even though he feels me as an emotionally protective lover and fully trustworthy ,WHY wont he SHARE..he just sums things up and talks like.." i'm mindfucked at home".."i'm pissed honey","i'm lil fucked up".."em in a bad mood".."life is hectic/im stressed" if i probe him further..no matter how affectionately he wont divulge how do i let him know that i would love to share his life in tough times that i'm not enjoying at all thinking about his difficulties...he thinks i'm just lucky in my life ,want his love and attention but care less about what he's going through..but i DO!i want him to know that..(we plan to get married after i complete my masters and am of marriageable age (24/25) and when he is also settled and i wont become an additional burden to his financial commitments)...so there's no way i can actually share his life right now...i cant even tell my parents until im ready for marriage and they start looking for a boy..that i have a boyfriend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): OP here..........hehe ......... alright.........last time :p
hmm thanks a lot.yes, i would stay by his side no matter what.
i know a lot of people aren't financially secure by themselves by that age, but parents here in eastern countries look after and educate their kids ,pamper them till they are 23-24 .and make sure their children are well settled as well as arrange a marriage.whereas his parents have only given him heavy responsibilities and when he looks around i'm sure it hurts him! :O
unlike in the west,even youngsters doing minor jobs for pocket money ,like working in restaurants, are looked down /pitied upon.and he has gone through such jobs as a kid which got him embarrassed . :(
A
male
reader, adamskidude  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 My advice to you, lose all those ridiculous elipses, it made the terrible punctuation and grammar barely legible.
Secondly, just do what you feel is right, many people his age are in not so ideal financial situations. His choice to vent anger on the wealthy is a common one, though does not help his predicament.
If you are truly in love with this man, you should obviously stay by his side in his time of need, however if it is all becoming to much for you, I'm sure he wont resent you for jumping ship.
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