A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Long story short, I was dumped pretty badly the Senior year of my high school twice by the same girl (Junior, now Senior). (I was stupid enough to go back for a second round of beating) Reason being she didn't love me anymore, didn't want a LDR and wanted to enjoy her senior year without the burdens of a relationship and whole lot of feeble and selfish answers. I thought treating girls as a gentleman would but with a fun and nice guy complex would do the job but I guess not. I used college as a means of escape so that I wouldn't have to deal with her in general, I didn't want my wounds to reopen or the pain felt back then to reoccur. I recently found out she's thinking about attending the same college as me. It makes me feel like her comment that "I'm not going to the same college as you anyways" was a complete backstabbing lie. Knowing someone out there who broke me twice is nearby will ruin my college experience. I wanted to start over in college but if she comes back in the equation, I'm back at square one: it tells me I accomplished nothing since the break up. A total defeat on my part.The thing is we both have a ton of mutual friends. I don't want our mutual friends to have the burden and complications of "choosing sides" but I don't want to be friends with my ex either. They told me I should just try to me friends with her again that it'll heal me somehow. Its not that I want to get back with her, but I do admit I'm still not over her, probably because I never told her how I felt, how much she hurt me since then. I don't want to give in my precious friendship, because she put her own friendship with her juniors/seniors(now) before our relationship. I had no support from her whatsoever in our past relationship so when she left I had to carry myself out and leave to get away from the pain. The pain will always be there if I just keep ignoring her, but there's a reason why it didn't work-I don't want that reason to go out in vain. I think I pretty much want her to realize how much she hurt me before becoming friends again. I just don't want to do deal with her anymore and move on and try to find someone else, but if she's in the way how can I look both right and left at the same time?There's a chance she might not even go to my college, but if she does should I or should I not talk to her or re-establish friendship with my ex?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 You are over thinking this way to soon and panicking about something that might not happen. Something tells me deep down a part of you wants her to attend your college so you can try and get through to her. You are doing good getting over her you need to keep progressing this. Being friends with her if you are not over her is never going to work it will only make you fall for her again, so if she does join your college well then try and stay away from her. Don't be rude to her and say hello to her when you see her but just be civil and that is it. If she asks to talk to you be honest with her and tell her that she really hurt you and you do not want anything to do with her.
A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Hey babe,
Firstly, get over her. Really. She has made her feelings clear, and not for the first time by the looks of it.
You are only young, but you have to try and be the grown up here. Do not sulk and go out of your way to avoid her, and do not be weak and do all you can to win her back. Go about your day to day life as you normally would if she was not there, an if you come face to face with her, let her take the lead. If she talks, talk back, if she is silent, stay silent.
Let your mutual friends know the situation might be awkward, then they can talk during any awkward silences.
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