A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry this is so long but it's a bit of a long story. My bf of two years and I broke up in mid-November and there's been some weirdness between me and my ex. Let's start with episode 1 (I'm sorry it's so long but I can't figure out how to shorten it and get the whole story across accurately):On Thursday, December 11 (after almost a month of no contact), I get a call and it says his name. I pick up bc I'm his emergency contact and I thought something might have happened to him at work. It turns out he's at my house at 8am (which is strange bc I'm a teacher and I'd normally be at work at that time). The first thing he does is ask where I am. I'm on the way to Baltimore. He said he stopped by bc he saw my car in the driveway -- total lie. There is no way to see my driveway unless you're halfway down my dead end. Whatever. He said he wanted to remove the AC from the dining room.Friday the 19 (when all schools are closed and we got that nasty snowstorm), he stops by unannounced at 11:45 to take out the AC. I assumed he would take it out and leave because of the snow. Oh, no. I was wrong, so very wrong. He takes it out, asks for a hug and a kiss. I said no to the kiss, okay to a half-hearted hug. He then wouldn't let go and was all touchy feely with me, telling me he's sorry this didn't work but he loves me and all he wants to do is hug me and kiss me when he sees me. Yeah, okay, whatever right?Then, he picks me up and drops me on the sofa on his lap and cuddles me. Very uncomfortable for me but we're talking about how I don't think this is how he should act with me if he doesn't act like this with his friends--hehehe. He's going on about how he wanted it to work but it wasn't right at the end and I pointed out that he didn't communicate so it couldn't work anyway.Then, as I get out of the bathroom, he picks me up and drops me on my bed, trying to be all snuggly. No go, as far as I'm concerned. He's all, "I just want to look at you and touch you" blah blah blah. Nothing happened because I was dead set against anything happening.Long story short, he hangs out for a few hours and he wants to snuggle and cuddle the whole time. He was like "I can't be friends with you, all I know with you is snuggly, lovey, kissy, cuddly and I don't know how to go backwards." Then, he goes, "How about friends with benefits?" To which he then says that it might weird him out if we were friends with benefits--so why bother bringing it up, right? As he's on his way out the door, he tells me I should call him and text him once in a while so we can hang out and I said no way, why should I bother? He then offers to check on the house and furnace while I'm away from the 24 to the 30.Then, he calls me on Monday, December 22 to ask me what I want for Christmas. Odd, right?Now, we move on to episode 2:He had offered to pick me up from the airport on Tuesday so I'm waiting for him. Finally, he's late bc there was traffic and he had to drop off his brother in Astoria. Then, he stops at Terminal B (instead of Terminal C) and rants and raves that he's at the right place and I'm not at Terminal C. Finally, he manages to make his way over to Terminal C then he is ranting and raving in the car. Next, we hit traffic in the Bronx so more annoyed comments from him. Then, he's fine and all touchy feely, rubbing my knee and my leg and the back of my head. We hit traffic in Norwalk so I have him detour. He's all "I want to be friends" blah blah blah. I said that I didn't want to be his friend. He had originally said he'd stop and get my dog on the way home but bc he was so pissy he said he just wanted to get me home so he could could go home. Fine, whatever, it was already after 10 anyway so I didn't want to bother John by waking all 3 dogs just to get Clyde. We get to my house and he asks if he can use the bathroom. I felt bad so I said yes. He uses the bathroom then I expect him to leave so I start puttering around. I head towards the bathroom to tie my hair up and get set up for bed. Well, he stops me in the doorway and says he wants to hug me to warm me up. Fine, whatever, bc the house was cold (the furnace had blown out and it was 46 degrees when I got home and lit the furnace). I expected a quick goodbye hug. No go. He gives me a giant squeezy hug and then kisses my head and forehead and asks for a kiss. No way. I head towards my room to get my pjs together, assuming he'd leave. No such luck. He grabs me and picks me up and holds me so that I really have no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist if I don't want to fall. Then he kisses me, ugh ugh how predictable lol! Anyway, he goes I will snuggle with you and warm up those satin sheets for a bit so I said fine whatever but I'd be fine alone. You'd think that by then he would have left. Nope. He goes into my room, drops me on my bed and decides to spoon me. Then, he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, peels back the comforter and sheets, and drops me in the bed. It was weird but okay because he was just spooning. Well, then he gets all touchy feely and kissy and gropey. Anyway, long story short he goes I don't know what to do, I love you and I see you and all I want is to be with you and hold you and kiss you and keep you happy and safe. I said that's a good thing and he said it's not because all he keeps playing in his head are the few rough patches we hit and he doesn't play the good times in his head like that. I told him he replays the rough times because he never talked about them, he just tried to push them away and forget them. I asked him how we can be friends if we can't even spend time around each other without him being touchy feely. He said that maybe we wouldn't have to spend time around each other bc if we did spend time together, he'd want to be around all the time. To me, he sounds confused. I know he loves me but he's so messed up in the head.Now, the big question overall: What's your advice on how to proceed? I can't get a read on where he is coming from because he's so darn contradictory!
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at work, broke up, christmas, friend with benefits, I love you, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PHOBIA MAN  +, writes (2 January 2009):
I'll keep this short, he just wants to get you into bed with no strings and you are giving him mixed messages, if you both done then tell him and stop this cuddle fest
A
female
reader, DollFacex +, writes (2 January 2009):
 Well this guy does seem to show a fair range of mixed emotions, but then again most guys (well the ones i've met) don't really know how to express their feelings properly.
It does though seem this man is very into you, but somehow i don't think you return the same feelings, as you seem to always have something negitave to say about his reactions to you.
In the end it is up to you and how you feel, as you can't have a one sided relationship. So i think maybe its about time you and this guy had a good talk about what you both want and how you want to achieve it.
DollFacex
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