A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for two years. When we started going out, our relationship was perfect, we spoke on the phone a lot, texted and saw each other regularly. I always thought that when you were in a long distance relationship, the calls and texts were the intimacy of your relationship. I think I was wrong.It all started going wrong after I discovered almost a year ago that my boyfriend was ignoring me and texting his ex girlfriend, shortly after i had miscarried our baby. he was always cold towards me when i called and saying he was places he was not and as i paid his phone bill, i thought i would check it to see if he was telling me the truth, that is how i found out. i was really upset and obviously had very little trust in him after that for all he said nothing was going on.our relationship was patchy after that and we had many arguments, but thought our relationship was worth trying to save. his calls still became less frequent and i used to beg him to text me just so i knew he was ok. in august i got suspicious again and thought something strange was going on he would not be available for days, would tell me he'd been sleeping and even his mother was strange with me. he told me i had to give him space and that if i didnt trust him we had no relationship. two days later, i discovered he had told his parents we had broken up and that he was dating another girl for 3 months. i confronted him about it and he said he didn't know why he had cheated (they hadn't slept together or kissed properly????) and that he wanted to be with me. i am putting my all into salvaging this relationship which apparently all went wrong because of me and don't know what to do anymore. i am trying so hard to fix this as after all i do love my boyfriend. but is he worth it anymore? he still doesnt call me or text, but worse he puts me down at every available oppurtunity. when he visits, he expects to sit there and do nothing apart from be waited on hand and foot, he tells me I am stupid, ugly, fat, useless etc etc. I just don't know what to do any more. Is he worth all this hassle? Is my relationship worth all this? as he says I am to blame for it how am I?Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Im so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time at the moment. Im also in a long distance relationship and i felt like i was putting all the effort in, when we all know balance is key. You need validation from your partner that you're trying so hard, which i don't think he's planning on giving you. Its especially hard because your so in love but can't you see you're worth more than this. love isn't always easy but it should never be ugly. I feel he's treating you this way because he knows you'll put up with it. You shouldn't have to convince the person you're with that they should be with you, they should already know how great you are and why they love you, if not, then they're not the 'one' for you. The fact that he told his parents he's seeing someone else means that he was and you really have to let him go. Can't you see that he's bullying you. Its easy for me to say because im not in the relationship and many of my friends have told me i should leave my partner and im seriously considering it because in the end you have to do whats best for you. Do you really want to waste more of your life being ridiculed by someone who you're supposed to trust and be carefree around. I can't begin to understand how your miscarriage has affected you but in your time of need he wasn't there and that really does say enough about him. Im sure he was hurting to, but that doesn't excuse him for doing what he DEFINITELY did. You've given him the chance to change to many times and he's still acting disgustingly. Imagine staying with him for a few more years only to find out he's cheating on you with someone else. YOU'RE WORTH SO MUCH MORE. Reading your story made me think of the saying, 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me'. Move on and begin loving yourself again. Im sure you want a partner who is as equally kind and loving as you. You have every right not to trust him, don't let him make you feel guilty. Leave him, and let him carry the guilt he should have after treating you so bad. And if, no, WHEN you do leave him please don't take him back. In this situation i can promise you he won't change. I sincerely hope you find happiness.
Kind Regards
From a Friend xXx
A
male
reader, pinkey1981  +, writes (2 January 2009):
Best advice. Dump him. Move on. Be happy. You deserve better than that. He is abusive and doesnt deserve anyone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2009):
 First off, don't pay his phonebill.
Secondly dump him. And this my dear, is abusive behavior ***When he visits, he expects to sit there and do nothing apart from be waited on hand and foot, he tells me I am stupid, ugly, fat, useless etc etc. I just don't know what to do any more.**
He blames you because it's easy. And no you are not to blame, but the longer you enable him to treat you like crap, the more you might actually believe his load of crap.
Go goggle narcissist, I think you got one of those on your hands.
He isn't going to change.
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